Gone
by Dayliobserver
Summary: Jack finds out about Samantha and Martin, causing conflict and confusion as the team search for a missin woman. JS story. Completed.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Gone

Author: Day (Dayliobserver)

Rating: Probably R to be safe

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Hank Steinberg and CBS. I´m just playing with them and will put them back after use.

A/N: My first WaT fic, so be gentle. It begins M/S, but is a J/S story. I wouldn´t know to write it any other way. It´s set in the current season three and if any inconsistencies occur with the show, it´s because I have yet to see it. I´ll attempt to update once a week.

Thanks to Diane for being an amazing beta!

Deborah Harrison slowly made her way from her living room into her kitchen. It wasn´t that long a walk, but her hip had been playing up quite a lot lately, so she knew to take it easy. Resting briefly with a hand on the back of a chair, she reached for her purse lying on the kitchen counter. Erick was supposed to have showed up today, but he hadn´t and instead of feeling angry at him or sorry for herself, Debbie did what she always did in such situations: she set out to take care of business herself. That was the way it had been for the last sixty years and that wasn´t going to change any time soon. She did appreciate her daughter making her grandson come by every once in a while to see if he could help, but she didn´t appreciate the fact that it felt like her only child was checking up on her. Pitying her. She had been alone for nineteen years since Caroline´s father died, and she knew how to take care of herself. Retired or not.

If only her daughter could remember that.

Scanning the fridge, she reached the conclusion she had expected all along. She was out of milk as well as eggs and that would make her cooking an omelet later that evening somewhat difficult. Erick had failed to do the shopping for today, but Deborah didn´t mind that much; she would have to do it, sure, but it would also show Caroline that she was indeed capable of just that, actual doing something for herself.

Slowly walking into the brightly lit bathroom, she applied a touch of rouge to her cheeks (age didn´t mean you shouldn´t make sure to look your best), gave her mirror image a ghost of a smile, and, after making sure all the windows and doors were locked, left for the nearest grocery.

She never returned.

MISSING ? HOURS

"Fitzgerald," Martin´s voice was hoarse and sleepy as he answered the phone and Samantha Spade groaned inwardly, rolling onto her side. It could barely be six in the morning and she was not even remotely ready to leave the bed yet.

"Uh-huh…" Martin managed to get out between yawns, absentmindedly running his free hand through his ruffled hair. "This morning… Okay. Yeah, yeah, that´s all right. I´ll tell her. Okay… Yeah, be right there." He closed the cell phone with a loud snap and Sam let out a resigned breath, knowing only too well the finality of such a gesture. They were needed at work, not now, but five minutes ago.

"That was Danny, he-"

"Yeah, I know, I know," Sam spoke tiredly, slipping out of bed, glancing around to locate her clothes. "We´re needed." Reaching for her shirt, she stopped abruptly, looking back just in time to see Martin stumble towards the bathroom, "How did he know I was here?"

"I don´t know," Martin answered indifferently, disappearing into the bathroom, while still talking to her, "I guess he tried to reach you at home and when he didn´t, he just figured you´d be here. Is your cell phone off?" He poked his head back out, smiling at her, "Does it matter anyway?"

"No, no, of course not," Sam replied quickly, returning his smile a little hesitantly. "I was just surprised is all, I didn´t know he knew about, well, you know…" She gestured awkwardly around the bedroom, clothes thrown everywhere.

Martin gave her a small and affectionate grin, obviously a little amused at her discomfort, "Well, Samantha, we´ve been discreet, but not actually hiding, have we? And Danny is a federal agent after all." He moved back into the bathroom and the sound of running water followed, his voice carrying out to her, "I´m sure the others know, too, but you know them, they wouldn´t make a too big deal out of it."

Sam didn´t move for a few seconds, listening to Martin humming a little tune as he stepped into the shower. Then as if she had just received an electric jolt, she dropped her shirt; her head swirling as her eyes anxiously scanned the room. Finding what she was looking for, she swiftly moved and fished out her jacket that seemed to have ended up somewhere behind the laundry basket. Reaching into a pocket, her fingers found the hard form of her cell phone and she pulled it out, deftly flicking it open.

It wasn´t on. Nobody would have been able to reach her.

She bit her lip, frowning. Why wasn´t it on? She knew better than that to switch it off, her job not actually being nine to five. What had she been thinking? Her frown deepened, she didn´t even remember doing it. She stared at the phone in her hand for a moment, willing it to answer, then she sighed, shaking her head. Maybe she was getting old.

"Samantha? Why don´t you get in here while the water´s still hot?"

Martin´s voice startled her and she nearly dropped the phone. Recovering quickly, she answered a little distractedly, "Yeah, I´ll be right there." Giving the phone one last look, she switched it on and tossed it onto the bed and went to join Martin in the shower. She didn´t need to look at the display to know it would show several missed calls.

"Her name is Deborah Harrison, retired teacher, age 73," Danny spoke as he attached a portrait to the white board, the old woman´s kind blue eyes smiling at the people seated around the table. "Her daughter, one Caroline White, reported her missing very early this morning. She works as a nurse and occasionally drops by after her night shift. Apparently Deborah Harrison suffers from insomnia and is frequently up at that hour."

"Uh," Vivian sighed in sympathy to Samantha´s right. "I feel tired just thinking about it."

Danny gave her a brief smile before continuing, his eyes moving from person to person, "Her husband died nineteen years ago and she has lived alone since, but in a protected community with mainly elderly people."

"Any surveillance?"

Danny´s eyes shifted to meet his boss´ dark gaze, "Yes, according to the daughter the front door is video monitored and possibly the yard as well."

"We´ll need those tapes."

"They should be on the way as we speak," Danny assured. "All right… um…" He hesitated for a second before recovering his line of thought. "Right. There appears to be no signs of a forced entrance and everything in the flat was very neat." He looked to Vivian, who nodded, "Yes, there was definitely nothing out of order there, her daughter says she always liked to…"

Despite her best efforts, Sam´s thoughts started to drift. She felt utterly exhausted. Between working late yesterday and spending the night with Martin, she had had very little sleep. She had known last night that the smart thing to do was to leave alone and sleep in her own flat, but Martin had given her such a mock pleading look that she hadn´t been able to say no. She smiled inwardly, he knew exactly when to turn on the Fitzgerald charm and it generally never failed. Shaking her head lightly, she forced her attention back to Danny and Vivian, her eyes resting for a second on Jack before moving on without even realizing it or noticing as he sharply turned his head toward her.

"-only daughter, divorced Ian White three years ago, they have a fifteen-year-old son, Erick White. He was supposed to have stopped by at his grandmother´s yesterday, but didn´t."

"Why not?" Sam heard herself ask.

Danny smiled a little resigned as if he couldn´t believe the youth of the world today, "Apparently he forgot."

"All right," Jack spoke suddenly, four heads turning in his direction. "I haven´t seen the scene myself yet, so I´ll be heading there and talk to her neighbours. Danny and Viv talk to her immediate family and see what else you can find out. We need to have the time frame narrowed down. Martin, stay here and go through the surveillance tapes both for Deborah Harrison and any possible suspect. Sam, you´re with me."

Without further ado or sparing them a second glance, he rose from the table and briskly walked past them. The other agents´ eyes met for a moment, some confused, some bemused, then they all rose.

"Someone seems a little grumpy," Sam heard Vivian remark to Danny as they all hastened to get their coats.

"Guess he didn´t get enough sleep last night," Danny answered casually.

Vivian sighed, tying her scarf, "Yeah well, but wasn´t that the point of us being at the scene this morning? So the boss could sleep in for once?"

Danny just shrugged, not really caring either way, but giving Sam a teasing grin, "Have fun with Jack today, Samantha, I´m sure it´ll be… interesting."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him and only raised a delicate eyebrow instead, but before she could reply, Jack´s impatient voice rang through the corridor, "Samantha! Any day now!"

Suppressing her annoyance, she shared a quick exasperated look with Danny and Vivian, sent a smile Martin´s way, who was already hovering in front of a monitor, and swiftly walked to meet up with Jack at the elevator.

They rode the first twenty minutes in the car in silence. Samantha´s attempt at making small-talk or talk about the case failing miserably and eventually she just gave up. If Jack wanted to be a jerk, then so be it. It wasn´t her fault if he was in a sour mood. Turning to look out of the window, she began collecting her thoughts, going over the information from Danny. It didn´t look good, she couldn´t think of any 73-year-old grandmother who would just up and leave. Something must have happened and whether it was an accidental or intentional act, she was afraid the outcome could only be bad. She ran a hand through her hair, grimacing lightly as she felt the onset of a headache. It was barely 8 am; it was going to be one of those days.

"Your phone was off."

"What?" Sam´s head swivelled around by the sound of Jack´s voice.

"This morning," he spoke, not even glancing at her, but keeping his gaze straight at the convoluted morning traffic. "That´s rather irresponsible."

Sam bit her lip, biting back a less than friendly retort. She took a breath, "Yes, I know, and I´m sorry. I honestly don´t remember switching it off." She tried to catch his eyes reflected in the windshield, but he wouldn´t look her way. "It won´t happen again."

"Good," was his only reply.

They drove in silence for a moment.

"Especially if I can´t count on reaching you at home."

She couldn´t help it, but she froze. Swallowing involuntarily, she kept her gaze as steady as Jack had earlier, staring at the taillights in front of her as if it was the most interesting sight she had ever seen.

Guess the cat was out of the bag.

Obviously she had known he would find out sooner or later, part of her having suspected he already did. And maybe he did, maybe he had known all along, but had been able to pretend otherwise as long as he wasn´t presented with direct proof. She herself had been a master at that in the last stages of their affair when he had become distracted and anxious, tensing up from an unexpected touch.

Their affair. It felt weird thinking about it even after all this time. She had told herself she had reconciled to that part of her life a long time ago. However, if the feeling in the pit of her stomach was anything to go by, it was less black and white than she had led herself to believe.

Suddenly she felt incredibly angry, both at herself and him. This was stupid and it was none of Jack´s business anyway and why the hell did she feel so upset that he now knew. She should be feeling relieved.

About to say something, her eyes finally met with Jack´s as their reflections accidentally met in the windshield and the words died on her tongue. She knew that look, the look behind the accusatory stare. He was hurting and dammit if it didn´t affect her still. Even when it shouldn´t. Even after all this time. Even with Martin.

The anger drained slowly from her and a strange kind of mental exhaustion set in and she almost felt like laughing out loud, wondering if it would sound as hysterical as she felt. This was insane. Jack had no right to be upset and she had no reason to care if he did.

Except that she did.

Holding his gaze a moment longer, she then turned her head away, speaking softly, "I don´t know what to say…"

She heard him shift in the driver´s seat as he cleared his throat and said gruffly, "You could have told me."

Sam winced, but his tone was more tired than angry or hurt now. Sighing, she closed her eyes briefly, knowing that if this had been any other of her ex-lovers talking like this, she would have been seriously pissed by now. But this was Jack. It was always different with him.

Still not knowing what to say, she chose the safe way out, "You know I like to keep my work and personal life separate."

She thought she heard him suppress a snort, but before she could retort, he said suddenly, "We´re here."

"Oh."

He stopped the car, but neither made a move to get out and they sat in silence. Moments later she felt his eyes on her, so she counted to ten mentally before turning towards him, defences high. What she saw stopped her in her tracks; he was smiling at her, albeit somewhat ruefully.

"I´m sorry, Sam," he spoke quietly. "I´m out of line." He gave her another smile and she thought he looked older than he was. "I´m surprised you haven´t bitten my head off by now. I would have deserved it."

She returned his smile, first reluctantly then more warmly, "Don´t think it didn´t cross my mind." She sighed, reaching for his hand still on the steering wheel, and giving it a quick squeeze, "Let´s just say I´ll let this one slide, but only this time, okay?" Getting a small nod for confirmation, she continued, "Now, I believe we have work to do."

He looked at the hand she had just touched for a moment, then her, his face unreadable, and said, "Yeah, let´s get going."

As they exited the car, a gentle rain began to fall.


	2. chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the kind words regarding the first part; makes the writing easier!

Continued from chapter 1

Downing his third cup of bad coffee, Martin let out a slow breath. He was incredibly bored. Being left behind at the office, going through grainy security tapes wasn´t his idea of fun. The quality of these tapes was particularly poor. They had obviously been reused again and again for years and snow flickered across his monitor like a blizzard in New York. Suddenly he frowned, his finger hesitating an inch above the pause button. That looked like Deborah. Quickly rewinding, he paused the tape, freezing a frame showing a slightly stooping older woman exiting the front door. She was holding what appeared to be a string bag in her right hand and something white in the other, possibly a piece of paper.

Checking the time in the upper left corner, he hit a number on his cell phone, hearing it dial as he made a note on his notepad.

"Malone." Jack´s voice hit Martin´s ear and he grimaced involuntarily. Apparently, Jack still wasn´t in the best of moods.

"Hey, it´s me," he spoke quickly to avoid aggravating his boss further. "I´ve found her on the tape. It shows her leaving the building yesterday afternoon. 3:23 pm to be exact. I haven´t seen any footage showing her return."

"Is she alone?"

"Yes, there´s no one around her and…" He fast forwarded the tape a few minutes. "And no one seems to be following her either. She´s carrying a string bag, my guess is she´s going shopping."

He could hear Jack´s slow breathing on the other end as he took in the information. "All right, Martin, I want you to- hang on-"

The phone fell silent, followed by the low murmur of Samantha´s voice in the background. He couldn´t quite make out all the words, but it sounded like she was telling Jack something about bank statements.

Impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk, Martin used the opportunity to fast forward the tape to the very end, making absolutely sure Deborah Harrison didn´t suddenly pop back in frame.

"Okay, Martin?" Jack was back again.

"Yes?"

"If you´re done with the tapes, I want you to call Danny and Vivian, ask them to find out where Harrison does her grocery shopping. Then I want you to go through their security tapes, see if she ever arrived, and if she did, what time she left. In fact, check the tapes from the shops she´d pass on the way as well if they have any near the doors. They may have caught something. In any case, we´ll have a better timeline."

Martin closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very tired, "Jack, do you have any-"

"NYPD are checking hospitals and morgues, so far nothing," Jack continued as if Martin hadn´t spoken. "Phone records haven´t shown anything unusual either, but her bank records are rather interesting. Seems like she is a very wealthy lady."

"Could be a motive," Martin managed to get in.

"Could be," Jack agreed. "I´ve told Danny to inform the family they might get a call for ransom. All right, Samantha and I will talk to the building supervisor and janitor now before heading back. If there´s any news, let me know." And with that the line went dead.

Holding the phone a little away from him, Martin stared at it curiously. It wasn´t that Jack had said anything unusual or even sounded different, but he couldn´t help the feeling that there was something off. It felt like he had been dismissed and he didn´t understand why. He most certainly had been stuck with the crappiest assignment. It could take hours to go through so many tapes even with such a small timeslot to check. If he didn´t know better…

Nah, couldn´t be. He closed the phone and leaned back in his chair, eyes seeking the nearest window without really seeing what was outside. Jack and Samantha had been over for a very long time. Jack had worked to save his marriage, had even been willing to leave for Chicago in order to do so. Okay, it didn´t work out and they still divorced, but Jack had let Samantha go back then. Before then.

Hadn´t he?

Martin sat perfectly still for a moment, then he straightened up, reaching for his notes. It didn´t matter. Even if Jack was still hung up on Samantha, he was still her superior and, more importantly, Samantha was with him now. He could deal with a few days of hostility if Jack was upset by discovering their relationship. He would get over it and things would go back to normal soon enough.

So what if he didn´t always like the way Samantha looked at Jack, or the way they would often stand so close when discussing a case. So what if she didn´t turn to him until she thought Jack had gone for good. They had been close once and were still friends and colleagues, but that was it now. He was the one that made her happy. She had said so herself. Him, not Jack.

And when Jack returned, she didn´t return to him. That was what mattered.

Getting out of his chair, he reached for his coat, resigning himself to the task ahead. Looking at seemingly never ending stacks of security tapes. Dialing Danny´s number, he left the office.

As the elevator doors closed behind them, Samantha glanced sideways at Jack, commenting wryly, "Isn´t that a little immature?"

"What is?" Jack asked absently, his eyes following the slowly changing numbers above their heads as the elevator took them down.

"Punishing Martin for being with me by giving him the shitty jobs? What´s next? Filing?"

Jack met her gaze and when he saw she wasn´t really upset, but more amused, he shrugged, trying to look innocent, "I haven´t the faintest idea what you´re talking about." A grin flickered across his face as he looked away again, "And even if I did, it´s purely coincidental. Besides, he´s still the last one arrived. When I was new, I spent most of my time getting coffee."

"Somehow I doubt that," Sam remarked dryly.

Silence fell between them, but it wasn´t awkward or tense as it had been in the car. Sam felt relief; perhaps this would be easier than she thought. Perhaps it would even strengthen their friendship; now that she had moved on, he could, too.

Suddenly, she wrinkled her nose, turning towards him, "You´ve changed your aftershave."

He hesitated, looking a little surprised, "Uh, yeah, I did that some time ago actually. Thought a change would do me good. It´s not really-"

"But you´ve used the other brand as long as I can remember," Sam interjected, not really knowing why or why she even cared.

"Maria always bought it for me."

"Oh."

Silence fell again and it wasn´t interrupted before the low bling that signaled the arrival at their floor. The doors slid soundlessly open.

"It´s nice, I like it."

"Thank you."

Jack´s response had been so low that Sam couldn´t help but look at him, swallowing involuntarily when she met his eyes. He was gazing at her with an intensity that almost frightened her. Swallowing again to clear her throat, she spoke quietly, "Don´t look at me like that."

He never broke eye contact and neither did she. "Like what?"

"Like that."

It wasn´t really an answer, but they both knew what she meant. Like he was about to cup her face in his hands and kiss her. Like he was about to gently run his fingers through her hair and press his body into hers while he deepened the kiss. Her palms would be against his chest, would feel his frantic heartbeat before they moved under his coat. They would-

Sam blinked and jerked her head away, feeling flustered and startled. The elevator doors began to slide close and would have, if Jack hadn´t stepped forward to force them back open.

Gesturing with his hand, he spoke hoarsely; sounding a little flustered himself Sam thought, "After you."

She only nodded, carefully avoiding looking at his face, and stepped out of the elevator. Feeling his presence close behind her, she walked down the hall to the janitor´s office.

She knocked briskly on the door and in the few seconds it took the man to answer, she wondered about what had just happened. Wondered about what she had seen in Jack´s eyes.

And most of all, she wondered what he had seen in hers.

MISSING 18 HOURS

Caroline White was a competent and confident woman, Danny noted to himself, as he watched her sit calmly on the couch. Her eyes or attention never wavered as she listened intently to what was said. It was only the occasional wringing of her hands that showed the distress she was feeling. He guessed that as a nurse with more than twenty-five years of experience, she was used to dealing with emergencies. Even when it concerned your own family.

He was hanging back in the modest living room, studying the family portraits while Vivian carefully guided Caroline White through what they needed to know.

"When was the last time you saw or spoke to your mother, Mrs. White?"

"I spoke to her two days ago, Sunday night." The answer came promptly and Vivian made a note. "I just wanted to hear how she was doing, if I should send Erick by."

"Erick, your son?"

"Yes, I often have him swing by to run a few errands for her or help her with things around the flat. She broke her hip last fall and isn´t as strong or agile as she used to be. Unfortunately…" Caroline White trailed off, looking uncomfortable for the first time doing the interview.

"Yes," Vivian prodded gently.

"Well," Caroline White wrung her hands. "The thing is, my mother doesn´t really want to admit to being… dependent on anyone. She has always been a very proud and self-reliant woman. She doesn´t like to admit to needing help."

"But she does?"

"Yes," Mrs. White stated with no hesitation. "When she broke her hip, she lay in the bathroom for an entire weekend before she was found. She says that it-"

"Who found her?"

"Um, the janitor I think. He was there to check the faucet in the kitchen."

"He has a key?"

Caroline White looked up at Danny´s question, "Yes, yes, I guess he does. I think he has keys to all the flats." Fear crept onto her face. "Why? You don´t think he has anything to do with my mother´s disappearance, do you? He´s always seemed like such a nice man, always ready to help."

Vivian reached out, putting a calming hand on her arm, "We´re just checking every angle, Mrs. White. It´s standard procedure."

Caroline White nodded, but didn´t look convinced.

"Okay, I think that´s all for now," Vivian glanced at her notes and then at Danny. "Anything you want to add?"

"Just that we´ll need to speak with your son as well, Mrs. White. Can you bring him into the office after school? And your ex-husband; where´s he?"

"Ian should be at work now; he´s a plastic surgeon. We work at the same hospital so you have the address."

"Great. We´ll be in touch and someone will be here shortly to rig your phone in case you receive a call."

They said their goodbyes and Danny and Vivian started to move toward the door, when they were halted in their tracks.

"Will you find her?" Caroline White´s voice was nearly inaudible, losing the mask of a trained professional and finally sounding like a distraught daughter.

Danny exchanged a look with Vivian. It was a question they were inevitably asked at some point in relation to any missing person case. Frightened relatives or friends seeking reassurance from them more than an honest answer. And even after all this time, Danny never knew what to say.

"We have the entire team working on the case," he heard Vivian speak and, as always, he was amazed how calm and confident she appeared in situations like these. "Our boss is the best there is; if anyone can find your mother, it´s him."

It wasn´t really an answer and they all knew it, but she didn´t ask any further. Danny suspected she was afraid what she might hear.

In the car, he made a call to Jack, listening for several minutes before turning to Vivian. "Okay, Jack wants us back at the office. He wants us to interview the ex-husband there."

"Oh?" Vivian responded, fully concentrating on her driving. The rain was pouring down and it was difficult seeing anything but blurred lights and images. "He´s particularly interesting?"

"Guess so," Danny replied, trying to follow the furiously moving windshield wipers with his eyes, but had to stop as he grew dizzy. "Jack said he´d brief us all when we get there."

"How did he seem?"

"Jack?" Danny shrugged, now trying to see out through the window. "Okay, I guess."

"In a better mood than this morning?"

Another shrug, "He sounded all right to me, but it´s kinda hard to judge over the phone."

"Hmm…"

"Hmm what?" This time Danny turned to look at Vivian and it was her turn to shrug.

"I was just wondering if Martin has had an interesting morning, that´s all."

Danny smirked, "Probably not."

"That´s what I was thinking."

"Oh well, he´ll live," Danny sighed, shifting to rest the side of his head against the cool window. He was feeling his very early morning start begin to creep up on him and closed his eyes. "Martin will live and Jack will get over it. It´s no big deal."

A second 'hmm' from Vivian was the only answer he received.

TBC…


	3. chapter 3

Continued from chapter 2

21 HOURS MISSING

Jack Malone sat quietly in his office and the faint humming that always seemed to be in the building, no matter the hour, was the only sound he could detect. If he raised his head, he knew he would be able to see different-sized shapes move on the other side of his half-closed blinds, proving that the offices weren´t abandoned despite the silence. However, he kept his gaze firmly down. He was reading the papers in the folder marked Deborah Harrison, or that was what he was trying to do anyway. He had read the first lines four times now and still he wasn´t capable of taking in the information. He was tired and his stomach was twisting painfully from too much coffee and no proper food. Or maybe it was from no food at all; he didn´t quite remember if he had had breakfast. He knew he´d skipped lunch.

In any case, he wasn´t making much progress and he sighed, subconsciously reaching for the mug of coffee bearing the FBI logo, only to stop himself as his fingers brushed against it. Despite himself, he allowed himself a small resigned smile. Trust him to try and fix his problem with the very thing that was causing it. Not that he should be surprised, as that seemed to be his modus operandi lately.

If only he had never noticed.

No, that wasn´t it. He had begun to notice some time ago. What he really wished for was to never have had it confirmed. In his mind Samantha could somehow still be his; could somehow still be a part of him that he cherished even when kept deeply hidden from any prying eyes. If he didn´t have to know and didn´t have to see, she was still his. He knew it didn´t make sense, but nothing about his feelings for Samantha had ever made much sense.

Only the times he had been with her, the times they had been alone together, sharing a meal, a smile or a bed, had things ever made sense. And it had never seized to amaze him, the clarity with which he could suddenly view the world when he was with her. It was the moment he had to walk away, close a door behind him and proceed back into reality that everything would unravel again. Become messy and distorted.

He looked up a second before he heard her laugh, getting out of the elevator with Martin by her side. He said something and she laughed again, giving his shoulder a friendly slap. Jack winced as if he had been the recipient. Or maybe because he wasn´t.

His eyes followed them as they walked down the corridor, only looking down as they came close enough to see him in his office. For some reason he desperately didn´t want her to look his way. Any other time his eyes would have sought out hers, out of habit and out of need, but not now. He couldn´t look at her with Martin in so close proximity to her. Maybe in time he would be able to and think nothing of it, but not now.

This morning as he had tried to reach her, first on her cell and then at home, a hope he hadn´t even fully realized he carried with him had been shattered. The hope that she would always be there for him, as selfish as he knew it was. That despite how many times he walked away or closed a door, he would be – if not always welcomed – allowed back in. It had been that way for so long that he had grown used to it and incapable of imagining their relationship any other way.

It had taken seventeen unanswered rings in the dead of night to finally drive the message home he had so carefully avoided facing. She wasn´t waiting any more. She had done what he had not been able to despite all it had cost him; she had walked away and he had no reason to think she would ever be back.

To his relief, he more sensed than heard them walk straight past his office, their footsteps never slowing. And yet, that insignificant detail cut deeper than her laugh or the gentle affection he had seen on her face as she looked at Martin. She was leaving him behind. No, she already had.

"Jack? We´re ready for-"

"Shit!" He swore as the sudden sound of Vivian´s voice made him jump, knocking over his now cold coffee with his elbow, spilling all over the desk. "Oh, for crying out!"

"Sorry," Vivian spoke apologetically from where she was standing in the half-open door to his office. "I didn´t mean to startle you. I knocked."

"Yeah well, I didn´t hear you," Jack replied brusquely as he frantically tried to save the papers and folders on his desk.

"You all right?"

He stilled his motions and looked up, seeing only gentle concern on Vivian´s face. Feeling a bit silly, he calmed down, offering his own apology in the tired smile that followed.

"Just one of those days, you know."

Vivian nodded, returning his smile vaguely before turning away, "I´ll tell the others you´re on the way."

-

"Well, the good news is," Martin began as he finished writing on the white board, "we have a near perfect timeline for her disappearance. She left her building at 3:23 pm and arrived at the grocery store twenty minutes later. She was only there for a bit of light shopping and left again at 3:57 according to their security cameras. She was alone and from what I could tell, no one was following her or appearing to pay any special attention to her."

"What´s the bad news?" Danny inquired.

Martin turned to him, "The bad news is that some time during her only twenty minute long walk back, in full daylight and on a crowded street, she goes missing. No other cameras have caught her walking by and no store owners, aside the man from the grocery, remember seeing her."

Turning to look at Jack, who was leaning against a desk instead of sitting at the conference table, Martin continued, "I showed her picture around while I was there and some thought they might have seen her at some point, but weren´t really sure. And no one remembered witnessing anything suspicious."

"No commotion? Fighting? Cars suddenly speeding away?"

"Well," Martin looked almost apologetically as he trailed off. "It is New York…"

"Yeah, you´re right," Jack rubbed his face, sighing wearily. "A bomb could go off. All right, Vivian and Danny?"

"The daughter doesn´t appear to have a motive," Vivian began, glancing at the papers before her. "She´s genuinely concerned. We have yet to speak to her son, but the ex-husband is on his way. According to Caroline White, he has a cordial relationship with her mother and he continued to visit her even after the divorce."

"Whaddya know," Sam smiled slightly. "A son-in-law that willingly chooses to spend time with his mother-in-law after he doesn´t have to any more. That´s new."

"An obvious suspect," Danny grinned at her from across the table. "I put him on top of the list."

"Clearly showing signs of diminished capacity," Martin added with a grin of his own, swirling the black marker lazily between his fingers. "We should proceed with utmost caution."

"All right, all right," Jack cleared his throat and they all obligingly looked his way. "Can we get back to business now?"

Vivian continued immediately, not missing a beat, "Caroline White says her mother´s rather impressive fortune comes from her late father, who was a very successful businessman."

"What kind of business," Samantha asked as she uncapped her pen, preparing to make a note.

"Well, among other things, selling headstones for pets."

"That makes money?" Martin asked incredulously, shaking his head. "Clearly, I´ve missed my calling."

"Summing up," Vivian spoke, not letting herself be distracted. "No enemies that the daughter knows of, no change in her mother´s state of mind or behaviour in the last few months." She looked up, meeting Jack´s eyes, "No reason to leave."

He nodded, "No, I think it´s safe to say that she didn´t go anywhere voluntarily. Something happened to her on her way home." He was silent for a moment, then continued, "Sam and I questioned her neighbours, but no one really knows her. They all say she´s nice and friendly, but that she prefers her own company and doesn´t appear to have any friends. The only people they remember visiting her are her daughter, her grandson, her former son-in-law and the janitor, a James Crowther. He does the occasional odd job for her."

"Yes," Samantha took over, looking from Danny to Vivian to Martin and back again. "James Crowther, 43, has worked as a janitor slash handyman in the building for fifteen years. He´s the quiet sort, polite, keeps to himself. Perhaps that´s what he and Deborah White have in common."

"He also has a record," Jack spoke up, consulting his notes. "Did time for minor assault back when he was 19; a few charges of grand theft auto in his twenties and a conviction for DUI, but he has kept his path clean since."

"Or he hasn´t been caught," Martin interjected mildly.

"Or he hasn´t been caught," Jack acknowledged readily, flipping his notepad shut. "That´s what we´re going to find out. His alibi is pretty bad as it is, says he spent the entire yesterday afternoon in his office doing paperwork. No one can vouch for him, though."

He reached behind him and took a folder from the desk, opened it and took out a portrait-sized photo, tossing it onto the conference table. "This it what he looks like now."

Danny and Vivian studied the picture carefully as Martin stepped closer, leaning over them from behind, "Hmm… I don´t recall if I saw him on any of the security tapes, but then, I wasn´t looking for him."

"He´s the janitor," Danny spoke, "wouldn´t he know a way to get out of the building without being caught on tape?"

"He says there isn´t one, but we´ll find out soon enough." Jack checked his watch, "Okay, when the ex-husband arrives, Danny and Vivian, you´re onto him. Erick White should be here with his mother soon. Martin… Martin, you and Samantha question him, if possible without his mother hanging on his every word. I have to make some calls, so if anyone needs me, I´ll be in the office."

-

Jack barely made it into his office to collapse into his chair before the door opened again and Samantha was there with him. He glanced up briefly before gathering a bunch of coffee soaked post-it notes from his desk, now indecipherable, and throwing them neatly into the bin. "Yes?"

"Have you eaten anything all day?"

Jack didn´t have to look up to know that Sam had crossed her arms, tilted her head and was gazing at him disapprovingly. However, he did it anyway, "I haven´t really had time."

"Right." Her tone was noncommittal, but the look on her face wasn´t.

He tried again, "I just haven´t been feeling very hungry." When that didn´t appear to appease her, he finally offered, feeling a little amused, "I´ll get something sent up very soon. Scout´s honour."

Sam couldn´t help but smile, "You were a boy scout?"

"No," Jack gave her a half smile in return, "but that´s not the point."

As had happened so many times before, what always seemed to happen when they were alone, they fell silent, their gazes locked as the atmosphere grew more and more loaded. He knew he should stop, stop before the situation escalated into something either could control, but he didn´t. Instead his dark eyes challenged her to be the first to look away.

"Jack…" Sam spoke softly at length, wanting to say so much with that single word. Her eyes were pleading, but if someone had asked what for, she wouldn´t have been able to say.

"Jack…" she repeated, almost helplessly, when he didn´t react and this time it was more like a breath than an actual word. He closed his eyes for a moment, not wanting to see the pain in hers.

"This is just…" was all he managed to get out, feeling choked, as if suddenly there was no air left in his office. He looked to her for help, but could tell she wasn´t capable of offering him any. Her arms wrapped tightly around her, she looked very young and very vulnerable and Jack felt what he always did. Disgust at himself for being the cause of it and a burning need to go to her, hold her and whisper that everything would be all right.

Letting conventions fly to the wind, he rose and stepped quickly around his desk. Standing just close enough to let an indecisive hand brush against her side, he said quietly, "I´m sorry. I´m sorry… for everything…"

She wouldn´t look at him, but nodded, speaking just as low, "Me too."

"We´re kinda hopeless, pathetic even, aren´t we?" he tried, forcing his tone to be light.

Sam nodded again and even though her face was turned away, Jack thought he detected the faintest hint of a smile. But it was tinged with that quiet sadness he knew only too well and it broke his heart. Just like it had all the times before.

Maybe it always would.

Making a decision, he subconsciously straightened up, letting the hand that had barely touched her, fall down to his side. "Sam, look at me."

She did, reluctantly, and for a second he had expected tears, but there were none to see. Just calm acceptance, or maybe resignation, he wasn´t sure.

"It´s not," he began, but had to clear his throat, surprised by the hoarse sound of his voice. "It´s not going to be a problem. With you and Martin, I mean," he added, seeing the question in her eyes. "And this…" he faltered, suddenly lost for words. "This," he raised his hand again, gesturing hesitantly between them, taking care not to accidentally touch her. "This will pass, too."

For the second time in the span of mere minutes, Jack felt his heart break, but he tried to push the pain aside. This wasn´t about him, it was about Samantha and what she needed. But intertwined with his pain, he could clearly feel a strange kind of bitter sweet joy. She hadn´t quite closed the door on him.

The guilt that instantly followed that realization was enough for him to snap out of it and he took an abrupt step back, realizing he had been about to kiss her. In the middle of his office, in the middle of the day and with people milling about outside. With Martin outside.

Bewilderment showed on Sam´s face for a moment and he knew she was aware of what he had almost done. Despite his best intentions, he found himself trying to search her face to see if she would have reciprocated, but something slammed shut in her eyes and her expression became unreadable.

"I should get to work," her voice was neutral, but sounded incredibly loud after all their hushed words.

"Yes." Jack nodded after only a slight pause. He retreated back around the desk and to his chair. "I need to get started with those calls as well."

The only answer he received was the sound of a door opening followed by her light footsteps as she speedily walked away.

Deliberately keeping his gaze down, he stared at the numbers on his notepad until they began to blur. Only when he could hear her no longer and the only remaining sign of her was the faint whiff of her perfume in his office, did he dare look back up.

Thirty minutes and three phone calls later, he was interrupted by a woman from reception, handing him a bag and a note that read: 'It´s all been paid for, now eat.' He turned the note over, smiling to himself reading her last words: 'I mean it! Eat! –S.'

Taking out a container of Chinese and a root beer, he began to do just that.

TBC…


	4. chapter 4

Continued from chapter 3

"So, I was thinking," Martin spoke between sips of coffee, "if we finish early tonight, we could go see a movie?"

Samantha barely looked up from the computer where she had been adding a few remarks to her interview with James Crowther. "What?"

"I said that if we finish early tonight, we might go catch movie," he repeated patiently. "You know, actually have a life outside these offices. I think it´ll do us good."

As much as he would enjoy watching a movie with her; what Martin actually meant was that it would do her good. He had observed her since she left Jack´s office earlier and had been struck by how frazzled she seemed. How drained. He had suddenly realized that she had been putting in a lot of hours lately, and he wanted to make sure she didn´t have a breakdown. Their work was a tough and addictive one, slowly but unrelentingly grinding you down and it generally took someone else to point out when you needed a break. Someone else to tell you when it was time to go home.

She stared at him for a moment, as if unable to comprehend his words. Then shook her head imperceptibly, giving him an absentminded smile before returning to her work. "Sure, if we´re really that lucky."

"Well," Martin pushed a stack of papers away and made himself comfortable on her desk, putting his mug of coffee down beside him. "I hate to say it, but I think this case is going cold. Unless Viv and Danny get something from the ex-husband or we catch a lucky break, I don´t see this going much further."

At first he didn´t think Samantha had heard him as she continued to type for a moment, but then she pushed her chair away a few inches from her desk to better look at him. "What makes you say that?"

He shrugged, "Well, we have no witnesses to speak of, no motive, no real direction to take this. Once we´ve exhausted all our sources, which will probably happen already today, that´ll be it."

He could tell by her frown she was getting annoyed and her response was rather sharp, "I think you´re jumping the gun on this one, Martin; who knows what we may or may not learn. It´s too early to write Deborah Harrison off as just another casualty."

"Hey," he raised his hands quickly, hoping to mollify her. "I didn´t mean to sound like I´ve already given up. I was just saying that in my experience-"

"Samantha, Martin."

They both looked up by the sound of Jack´s voice and watched as he strode toward them. "According to school records, Erick White has been absent several times in the past months. Including yesterday when his grandmother disappeared. He´s previously been suspended for smoking pot, destroying school property and getting into fights. It may not be relevant, but make sure to ask him about it."

"We will," Martin replied and was about to continue when the phone on his own desk rang. "Just a sec." He hoisted himself off of Sam´s desk and went to answer it, nodding as he heard the short message. Hanging up, he searched for a pen under all the papers on the desk while he spoke. "Reception just called; Erick and Caroline White are on their way up now. If we´re lucky, we´ll get to speak to him alone. How are Danny and Vivian coming along with Mr. White?"

Finally finding the pen he wanted, he rearranged his papers into something that might resemble order, half listening for Jack´s reply. Not getting one, he turned halfway, glancing back to see what the delay was and was immediately hit with a familiar sinking feeling in his gut as his eyes fell on Jack and Samantha.

There it was: that damned look he had witnessed so many times, the look he hated so much.

"Thanks for lunch."

Jack´s voice was soft, almost intimate, as it drifted to where Martin was standing and even though he had never heard it before, he knew instinctively it was a tone Jack used only with Samantha. Or maybe he had heard it before, he realized. Some late night long ago walking past Jack´s office. Back when he would not really have been paying attention to the scene; back when he would scantily notice Samantha was in there with him, talking subdued about a case or maybe something else.

It didn´t bother him then, but circumstances were different now. Now he didn´t know what unsettled him the most - the fact that Jack and Samantha´s gazes hadn´t wavered for what felt like minutes, or the return of _that _voice. When had that happened? _Why _had that happened?

"You´re welcome."

The smile that accompanied Samantha´s just as softly spoken words almost made Martin cross over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, desperate for some kind of reassurance. Or even just an acknowledgement that she was aware of him. However, he restrained himself, looking back and forth between the woman he had started to secretly think of as his girlfriend and his boss. His recently divorced boss who was once Sam´s lover.

"You´ve never been very good at taking care of yourself."

"It´s never really mattered much."

"Maybe not to you."

Martin swallowed, feeling very much like a voyeur who was witnessing something intensely private, and a sudden anger flared in him. With an ease that surprised himself, the respect and admiration he generally had for Jack dissolved. He felt his eyes narrow and his jaw tighten, and he wanted nothing more than to go punch his superior in the face – damned the consequences. At that moment, Martin felt like he was willing to do whatever it would take to make Jack stop looking at Samantha. To make him stop looking at her that way ever again.

Because he saw it clearly now as if all of a sudden a veil had been lifted, and he was furious at himself for taking so long to notice. No matter how 'over' they were and how inappropriate it was, Jack still had feelings for her. Feelings that went beyond the easy bantering and camaraderie they always seemed to have had between them. He could see it in Jack´s eyes and hear it in his voice and it scared him. It scared him because if he could tell, there was no way in hell that Samantha would miss it.

Deciding to put an end to it right now, he stepped over, putting a hand on the back of Sam´s chair and not so gently swirling her around to face him. "Ready?" She blinked and looked up at him in confusion and irritation, her brow furrowing in a way he would normally find adorable. "For the Whites," he elaborated, thanking his lucky star that the elevator doors had just opened to reveal Caroline White and her son. "We should get started with the interview."

"Yes, you should," Jack replied instead of Samantha as he turned to look in direction of the elevator, and Martin could hardly believe the contrast. Special Agent Jack Malone was firmly back in place as if nothing had ever transpired. "I´ll go ask Mrs. White if she won´t have a cup of coffee with me in my office while you two speak to her son."

"Make that tea."

Jack, who had already begun to walk away, paused mid-step. He hesitated before glancing back over his shoulder at Samantha, a wry indulgent smile showing briefly on his face, "Just this once then."

She watched his retreating back for a moment, then abruptly turned to Martin who felt his heart sink when he saw a thinly veiled annoyance akin to anger spread across her face. "What was _that_?" she demanded and he quickly decided that feigning ignorance wouldn´t be the wisest choice of action.

"Look," he began in a voice he hoped came off as friendly and soothing. "I just didn´t want Jack to…to…" Martin faltered, realizing he didn´t know how to proceed without sounding like he was accusing her of something. He wasn´t ready for that yet, years of self-doubt and insecurities imposed on him by his father, already making him question that he had actually witnessed anything out of the ordinary.

Samantha regarded him sharply, but gradually he could see a softening of her features and he caught a glimpse of something in her brown eyes before she looked away. Exhaling quietly, she was about to speak, but decided against it and rose from her chair instead. Reaching out, she lightly curled her fingers around his arm just above the elbow, her touch lingering there as she met his gaze and gave him a small and affectionate smile. But her smile was hinged with something sorrowful and Martin felt his mouth go dry. He wanted to speak, to let her in on everything he held in his heart, but she had already let go of his arm and was walking to greet Erick White and his mother.

-

Vivian leaned back in her chair, studying Ian White with interest. He was an unusual type to be working as a surgeon. In the last ten minutes he had been in the interview room with her and Danny, he had never once been completely still. He fidgeted in his seat, rolled his head back and forth, tapped his fingers against the table or simply let his eyes roam the room, never resting for more than a few seconds on any surface. She would have expected a surgeon to have more of a calm and collected nature, but maybe it was different when he was actually in surgery. At least for his patients´ sake she hoped it was, making a mental note not to get any surgery done at the hospital where he worked.

She couldn´t yet tell whether this abundance of nervous energy was a result of natural apprehension about being questioned by the FBI, or if he actually had something to hide. Or if it indeed was just the way he always was.

"Well, as I said, I was in surgery till about 2 pm and after that I was in my office for maybe an hour, an hour and a half. Then I checked on my patient´s condition and returned to my office for some more paperwork. I probably left the hospital around 5 pm."

"Did anyone see you leave," Danny asked.

Ian White brought his fingertips together, tapping them lightly as he held Danny´s gaze, but only for a second, "No, I wouldn´t think so. I went through the basement. If I go through the front door, I´ll inevitably be accosted by some nurse or other wanting my assistance." Sounding peeved, he now looked at Vivian, "I mean, what do they expect? I spend practically all my waking hours in that place. So if I want to slip out quietly _after _I´ve finished my shift, there´s nothing wrong with that."

"No, of course there isn´t," Vivian reassured him. "We´re not here to question your work methods. We´re just trying to find out as much as possible about Deborah Harrison."

"Ah, yeah, Debbie," Ian White shook his head slowly. "It was a great shock when Caroline called to tell me what had happened. I can´t believe she´s gone." He ran a finger along the edge of the table as if testing the feel of it. "Someone must have taken her."

Danny leaned in across the table, making him look up. "What makes you think that Dr. White?"

"Well, what else could have happened?" White replied and, to his credit, Vivian thought he looked totally honest, if a little suspicious. "She wouldn´t just leave, would she? If that´s what you´re thinking, you´re all idiots. Is that really the best my tax dollars can buy?"

The two agents exchanged a subtle, slightly resigned glance, but Danny´s face was completely neutral as he managed to catch the doctor´s erratic eyes once more. "No, we don´t believe she left of her own accord without telling anybody. Consensus is that on the way home from her shopping, she was either taken by force by someone as of yet unknown, or she willingly went with someone…" He paused, before continuing, "Someone she most likely knew. It seems highly unlikely she would go with someone she didn´t know or trust."

Ian White nodded his head furiously, "No, exactly. That´s why you..." Realization hit and he looked quickly from agent to agent. "Hey, wait a minute! You don´t think..."

"According to our information you were turned down for a substantial loan not even two weeks ago," Vivian read from her notes, overhearing Dr. White´s indignant words of protest. "You told the bank you wanted out of the hospital and to set up an office as a private plastic surgeon. Is that correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"But due to old still unpaid student loans and the risk of such a venture... I see here that you attempted the same thing four years ago without success. They wouldn´t grant it to you. In fact, it was Deborah Harrison who prevented you from having to declare bankruptcy the first time around, wasn´t it? She stepped up and paid off your creditors."

White´s mouth fell open as he struggled for words, a shade of red creeping onto his cheeks from both anger and embarrassment. "That´s- that´s not how it was! If only my business partner at the time hadn´t bailed out, I would-"

"Just tell us," Danny interrupted calmly. "Did she or didn´t she cover your debt with her own money?"

It looked like it was almost physically painful for the doctor to answer, but then he managed to press out through gritted teeth, "She did." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, clearly trying to calm himself down. When he opened his eyes again, it was a different man looking back at them. He was still showing signs of frustration, but keeping his emotions tightly under lid and Vivian guessed it was his surgeon personae they were seeing now.

"Look," he sighed. "I admit, I made some mistakes in the past, and I admit that Debbie was the one to help me out, but I don´t see what a failed business venture has to do with her disappearance. As a matter-of-fact, the bank let me know they might be willing to reconsider if I could find a co-signer for the loan."

"And you were going to ask Deborah Harrison that?"

"Exactly!" Ian White gestured vehemently with his hands. "If anything, I´m the very last person to benefit from Debbie going missing."

"Hmm…" Danny scratched his chin thoughtfully as he jotted down a few words. Then, without looking up, he inquired, "Is there anyone you can think of who would benefit from you former mother-in-law´s disappearance?"

Dr. White seemed to sink in his chair, his shoulders slumping. "No," he answered in a subdued voice after a short pause. "No, I… I can´t think of anybody. Debbie… Debbie was always well liked. I mean _is_ well liked," he corrected himself as his eyes found Vivian´s. "She…" he trailed off and Vivian surprised herself by being touched by his sudden helplessness. Then she shrugged it off; there would be time for sympathy later. There was still work to be done.

-

Standing outside the interrogation room, Jack watched as his two agents continued their questioning of Ian White. Walking up from behind, Samantha stood silently beside him for a while, following the same scenario as he. Then, without looking at him, she spoke quietly, "Are you doing anything tonight?"

Jack kept perfectly still for a moment, then turned his head slowly, barely managing to mask his surprise. He tried to see her face, but she still wasn´t looking at him, preferring to keep her gaze straight ahead.

"I… I…" he had never felt at such a loss for words.

His silence finally prompted her to look at him, keeping her voice low as she spoke hurriedly, "I need to talk to you." When he still didn´t answer, she implored him with her eyes. "Please. It´s important."

All Jack could do was nod, but it was enough. Nervous relief showed in Sam´s eyes and she managed a pale smile, "Thank you." She brushed her fingers lightly against the sleeve of his jacket. "I´ll get back to you."

Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heels and walked away.

TBC…


	5. chapter 5

A/N: A line in this chapter is taken directly from the season 3 episode, "Light Years". No copyright infringement intended. As always, feedback is most welcome.

Continued from chapter 4

-

26 HOURS MISSING

The sky was nearly completely black and the rain was still pouring down in torrents like it had all day. Vivian looked at her watch and sighed, as it was almost 5 pm and she was wondering at what time she would be able to leave the office. She had had an early start and had been fantasizing for the last hour about lying down on her couch, putting her feet up while her husband brought her something hot to drink.

"That´s of almost biblical proportions," Samantha said conversationally as she came to stand beside Vivian, gazing past the blinds out into the darkness. "I´m fighting this strong urge to go build an ark."

Vivian smiled faintly before turning to look at her. "Any luck with the boy?"

Samantha shrugged. "Not really. He claims he spent the entire day away from school with his girlfriend, a Shelly Diane Ashby. Unsurprisingly, she supports his story. She says they were hanging out at her place all day, smoking a bit of pot, but no one else can confirm this." She sighed resignedly, "He did admit to taking the occasional 20 dollars from his grandmother´s purse, but claims it never went beyond that and that he would never do anything to hurt her."

"Do you believe him?"

"Well, he doesn´t appear to have a serious drug problem himself, but I got the feeling the girlfriend might be in another league. Probably cocaine. She´s a few years older than he and lives with her mother, who makes a living as a waitress. She wouldn´t have much money to feed her habit."

Vivian looked at Sam. "So Erick White is her meal ticket so to speak?"

"Yes and no," Samantha answered as she chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. "She does seem to care about him, but of course with heavy drugs involved and her likely addiction…"

"The drugs come first," Viv stated matter-of-factly, looking back out into the rain. "Any serious debts?"

"Erick White says no, but he may not be the most reliable witness as his mother chose that moment to join us. In any case, Martin´s looking into it as we speak."

"How did Mrs. White take the news?"

"Oh…" Sam couldn´t help but grin a little. "I think it´ll be a long time before Erick gets to go anywhere unsupervised again." She grew more somber. "She was absolutely furious and I think it actually made an impression on him, as much as anything a parent can say will make an impression on a teenager anyway. It´s understandable; as a nurse she must have witnessed all the horrors that taking drugs can lead to."

"Yes," Vivian replied, suddenly thinking about Reggie and wanting to know if he was all right. "As have we."

Sam nodded, but didn´t answer, her mind wandering. They were both silent for a moment, then she gave Viv a quick smile and walked over to sit down at her desk in the bullpen. Letting out a low sigh, Vivian took one last look at the rain before turning around to return to her own desk, but was halted in her tracks by an inordinately pleased looking Danny.

"Guess what?"

"What?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, not in the mood for guessing games.

"I was just on the phone with Caroline White and she told me that contrary to what our dear Dr. White said, he has _already_ asked Deborah Harrison to be co-signer for the loan. He did so a few days ago and she turned him down. Apparently, she discussed it with her daughter before deciding."

"Really?" Vivian´s eyebrow rose again, this time out of intrigue. "I wonder why he forgot to tell us that."

"It´s a motive."

"Yeah, not the strongest, but it´s a start. Have you told Jack?"

Danny glanced around, looking for his boss and spotting him standing in front of the white board. "Am just about to. Another interesting thing is that a nurse… um… Petra Wilkins, claims she went to see the Dr. White around 3 pm and that he wasn´t in his office. She waited five minutes, but he never showed."

"Well," Vivian spoke slowly. "He could have been out for a smoke or gone to the bathroom for all we know."

"True, true," Danny conceded. "Or it could be something else he forgot to tell us about."

"Looks like we´ll have to speak to him again."

"Yep," Danny smirked, "and this time I´ll make sure he drinks only decaf."

Viv rolled her eyes in response, "Please do; he was making me dizzy."

Smiling as she watched Danny practically bounce off to tell Jack, she remained still, mulling over the new information in her head. She still didn´t know what to make of Dr. Ian White. She didn´t doubt that he desperately wanted to start up his own business, but on the other hand, she felt that he genuinely cared for Deborah Harrison. If he was involved and anything had happened, she suspected it was most likely an accident. That perhaps they argued and something got out of hand. Of course, if the end result was his mother-in-law´s death that didn´t make him any less guilty in her eyes.

Shaking her head lightly, she finally set into motion and returned to her desk while Danny divulged their latest information to Jack. She waited until they were finished talking and Danny had breezed past her before turning her chair around, wanting to ask when he thought they might be done for the night. Jack was already on his way back to his office, and Vivian was about to call out, when he stopped of his own accord, turning his head a little to look at something. Vivian followed his gaze, feeling not the slightest surprise but a vague sense of disappointment as her eyes came to a halt on Samantha.

She closed her eyes briefly, sighing inwardly. Opening her eyes again, she saw to her relief that Samantha was immersed in some papers on her desk and wasn´t paying attention to the scrutiny she was under. Because Jack hadn´t moved, he was still staring at her with an expression Viv couldn´t quite read, but didn´t like nonetheless. Her vague feeling of disappointment was turning into a distinct feeling of annoyance and maybe even resentment.

Not again.

"_Well, you know what? You need to take responsibility for the things you do, Jack, and grow up."_

Unbidden, her words from not that long ago materialized in her mind. Surprising even herself, she heard herself speak, "Jack!"

Her voice was sharp enough to jolt him out of whatever state he had been in and to make Samantha look up curiously, her eyes darting between them.

"Yes?" There was an edge to Jack´s tone that made Vivian think he might just recall their conversation from months earlier as well.

Not wanting to have a showdown in the middle of the office, she pushed her feelings away for later and brought up her original reason for speaking to him. "I was just wondering if we would be much longer? If possible, I´d like to have dinner with my family."

She could swear she saw him flinch by the word 'family', but his voice was perfectly calm and his expression even as he replied, "Sure, finish your report on Ian White and you can go." He hesitated for a moment, a bit of conciliatory warmth resurfacing in his eyes as he continued gently, "After all, you´ve had a long day. You deserve it."

Vivian hesitated as well, but then smiled uncertainly in return, not sure what was going on in his head. She held his gaze for a few more seconds before finally giving him a small nod and turning her chair around to face her computer. It was a truce. At least for now.

-

"Hey, Jack? I´m off for tonight if that´s all right?"

Jack looked up, his mind reeling from its abrupt return to the present after reading reports for hours. "Sure, Martin, that´s fine. Get some sleep. Tomorrow I want you to canvass the area where she disappeared again. Someone must have noticed something."

"Okay," Martin nodded and they held each other´s gaze for a second before Jack turned his attention back to his papers.

"G'nite."

"Good night."

A few minutes later, another voice interrupted his thoughts. "Hey."

"Hey." Jack took off his reading glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose before leaning back in his chair to look closely at Samantha. She looked pale, even for her. "You all right?"

She gave him a weak smile. "Just very tired." She let out a sigh and rubbed the back of neck, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "Will you be long?"

He looked at his watch: 8:44 pm. "No, in fact, I can leave now if you like."

Samantha looked alarmed for a moment, then an uneasy smile appeared. "Do you think that´s a good idea?"

"You don´t?" He eyed her as the question hung in the air between them.

She let out a low, self-deprecating laugh, glancing down, "Sorry, just being paranoid."

"There´s no reason to be paranoid any more."

Sam looked back up quickly and said, "No, no, of course not." She felt the onset of one of the loaded silences between them and hurried to speak, jerking a thumb at the door over her shoulder. "So, we´re off?"

Jack smiled fleetingly as he answered, "Yes, let me just get my things together and I´ll meet you at the elevator."

She nodded and left his office without another word. He watched her lithe form for a moment as she walked to her desk to grab her coat before beginning to tidy up his own.

-

"Ah, shit!" Samantha exclaimed as the first heavy drops of rain hit her, practically ricocheting off her head and shoulders. "I completely forgot."

"That´s all right," Jack spoke from directly behind her. "I may not have been a boy scout, but that doesn´t mean I don´t come prepared." He retrieved a small, collapsible umbrella from within his coat, opened it and raised it above their heads.

Samantha gave him a fond and amused smile, moving in a little closer to avoid the downpour. "Great, now I´ll have a wet left side and you´ll have a wet right side."

"Well," Jack gave her a wry look, "there´ll still be two dry sides to make for one whole dry person."

She stared at him for a second, trying to keep her face straight, but then a disbelieving grin spread and she rolled her eyes. "Your logic is priceless!"

He didn´t answer, but just gave her a small shrug, smiling himself.

The rain continued to fall heavily as they stood closely together, their slow breaths just grazing each other´s faces. Samantha suddenly shivered, even if she did have one dry side, it didn´t mean the other one wasn´t cold as the water started to soak through the material of her coat. Jack noticed, but didn´t comment and only raised his eyebrows as if to ask: 'You wanted to talk to me?'

Sam looked into his eyes, abruptly realizing that this was so very wrong. "Can we walk a little?" she asked quietly, knowing it would be easier if she didn´t have to see his face.

"Sure," he answered, his voice revealing nothing.

Holding the umbrella with his left hand, Jack tucked the other one into his coat pocket and they started to walk in a leisurely pace down the pavement, their shoulders occasionally bumping gently against each other. After a few minutes, she still hadn´t spoken, but she knew he wouldn´t prompt again. He knew her well enough to know she would begin when she was ready.

The thing was, she wasn´t sure she was.

It had made sense in her mind all day. Once she realized, there really only had been one choice in her mind. Things had to change. She wasn´t going to be guilty of the same unresolvedness that marred Jack´s actions and behaviour following the end of their relationship. She knew she was partly to blame. Despite her best intentions, she knew she was guilty of having, at least at some level, encouraged him not to take an unequivocal stand, not really wanting to believe what they had was lost forever regardless of all the goodbyes they had already exchanged.

Even on that bench, which now felt like so long ago, something had remained between them. She had watched him struggle with what he wanted and what he knew was right ever since. And some late, sleepless nights when she felt more alone than ever, something deep inside of her had been glad. It shouldn´t be easy for him even though the rational part of her mind told her it would only cause her more hurt. And it had. It had caused them both great pain, and she wasn´t going to subject a new party to that kind of emotional turmoil.

She hadn´t realized she was doing it until she saw the look in Martin´s eyes today, standing almost helpless and forlorn in front of her in the bullpen.

She wondered if Maria had ever looked at Jack that way.

Taking a deep breath, tasting the rain in the back of her mouth, she spoke, "I really care about Martin. He´s a great guy."

She didn´t look at Jack and he didn´t reply, but she sensed him nodding slowly as they continued to make their way through a nearly deserted city, yellow cabs their only company.

"He´s in love with me, I think, and he makes me feel safe and…" She hesitated, but only for a beat. It hurt. It hurt her terribly, deep inside, but it had to be done if she was ever to be truly free. "He makes me feel happy and wanted and that´s something I haven´t had in a very long time."

Jack still didn´t answer, keeping his head and gaze low as he studied the lights reflected in the wet pavement, but she could tell he was paying attention to her every word.

Samantha took another breath, everything coming out in a rush, "I realized today that I was doing some of the same things you did in the past, not fully committing myself and actively trying to make it work. I don´t mean to sound like I blame you because I wasn´t the best of help I know. But this time around I want it to be different, I don´t want Martin to feel what I did. I want to move forward, to truly move forward this time."

"So what are you saying?"

She had been about to say more, but Jack´s softly spoken question completely threw her off and the words were gone. Her lips moving soundlessly a few times, she finally managed to say, her voice breaking, "I´m saying that maybe we can´t be friends any more."

"Why not?" Jack´s response was gruff but not unkind as they slowly came to a halt under a street lamp, neither really looking at each other despite their close proximity under the umbrella.

"Because I don´t know how to be friends with you."

It was a whisper, nothing more, but it was what made Jack finally look up, seeking out her eyes and she was unable to deny him. For a split second, she expected him to ask her to elaborate, to explain, but she realized he understood. There was a sad tenderness in his eyes that said more than words ever could.

"Do you love him?"

She spoke the truth. "I think I may be in love with him."

He nodded almost imperceptibly and looked down. Samantha felt the urge to reach out and touch him, but steeled herself against it. If possible, the rain began to intensify and the noise under the umbrella grew nearly unbearable.

"I understand." She almost didn´t hear him the first time, but he repeated himself as he raised his head to look at her again, his dark gaze holding her as steadily in place as any physical touch. "I understand and…" Uncertainty flickered across his face, but was almost from one second to the next replaced with something that could only be read as firm resolve.

He reached up, placing a warm hand lightly against her cold cheek. She just barely stopped herself from leaning into his touch. "I understand and I am sorry."

She was about to speak, to utter some phrases of comfort even if they were meaningless, but his thumb slipped down her face to rest upon her lips, stopping her. "I´m sorry because I must be the most selfish man in the world."

"What do you mean?" Samantha could barely breathe.

"This."

And with that Jack leaned in, removing his thumb just before he gently pressed his lips against hers. It was barely a kiss and more a brush of their lips and it lasted less than a second before he broke contact, leaning his forehead against hers and whispering softly, "I want you back, Samantha."

TBC…


	6. chapter 6

Continued from chapter 5

/-

Jack Malone jangled his keys impatiently, his cold and stiff fingers having trouble picking out the right one. Finally, he found it and shoved it into the lock and briskly unlocked the front door. Stepping inside the dark hallway, he let the door fall heavily shut behind him, the sound echoing unpleasantly loud in the empty house. Without bothering to switch on any light, he kicked off his ruined shoes and let his soaked through coat fall to the floor.

He walked towards the living room, heading for the liquor cabinet, but stopped abruptly as, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow move with him. Turning his head sharply, he found himself staring at his own reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. He almost didn´t recognize the man staring back at him - the wet shirt clinging to his chest, tie askew and his hair flat in some places and sticking out in others. Little drops of water were still visible on his brow and he raised a hand to wipe them away, feeling the icy cold skin as he brushed his fingers against it. His face was pale and haggard, but his dark eyes shone with an unfamiliar fire. He didn´t know it was a look he usually reserved for late nights looking at photos or losing himself in memories; unobserved by both himself and others.

A wan, humourless smile appeared for the briefest of seconds as he stared at himself, trying to understand what he was seeing, then he looked away and quickly entered the living room. Without hesitation he navigated around the few pieces of furniture that had been left him by Maria and found the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a generous drink before falling down into an armchair. His wet shirt and trousers stuck to the leather and would probably ruin it, but he didn´t care. Downing half the glass in one swallow, the sudden burn in his throat made him gag and nearly throw it all up again, but he kept it down, feeling the bourbon slowly warming up his freezing limbs from within.

The house was so very silent, not even the ticking of a clock could be heard, and for a moment, Jack could almost believe he was the only one left in the world. Then he shook his head dismissively, taking a few careful sips of his drink before leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

"_What the hell do you think you´re doing!"_

His eyes snapped open as Sam´s voice cut through his mind and he swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. When that didn´t help, he drank the rest of his bourbon and rose to get another one, his head already spinning a little. Aside from the Chinese Sam sent him, he hadn´t eaten all day and it had to be close to midnight now.

Returning with a fresh drink, he collapsed back into the chair, causing the liquor to overflow and spill out onto his hand. Changing hands, he wiped the bourbon-stained one off in his shirt before taking a deep swallow. He knew he would have to go easy on this one, let it take effect before he had a third. He still had work tomorrow even if it was the last thing on his mind.

He didn´t know what had been worse: her anger or her tears. If he had thought about it beforehand, he would probably have expected one of them. However, he hadn´t taken time to think about anything, he had only gone with what was in his heart. It wasn´t planned, it had even taken him by surprise. He had meant everything he said to her earlier in his office, that everything would be okay between them. But outside on that street, in the pouring rain, all his layers of self-preservation and self-denial somehow seemed to have been washed off.

"_I want you back, Samantha."_

"_You´re… you´re unbelievable. How dare you?"_

He dared because all of a sudden he realized that he was losing her. For good this time.

"_You have no right."_

"_I know, but I have to say something. Sam, I never-"_

"_No, no, you don´t get to say anything! Not now, not ever."_

"_Then why did you say you didn´t know how to be friends with me?"_

"_Go to hell, Jack."_

Jack stared out into the completely dark room, his eyes not seeing anything. With that softly spoken line, spoken in a voice unlike any he had ever heard from her, she had turned her back on him and walked away.

He had watched her until she disappeared in the darkness. The umbrella falling from his suddenly limp hand, the rain drenching him within seconds. He guessed he had hoped for some feeling of cleansing, purification even, but all he felt was cold.

It was true; he had no right.

And most likely he would end up in hell for the number of sins he had already committed, but he wasn´t going to give up. Not this time. Because he had seen something in her eyes after he kissed her, something that, if only for a split second, had made him believe she would be willing to go to hell with him.

Draining what was left of his lukewarm drink, he suddenly felt like both laughing and crying. While his exhausted mind tried to decide on which, he fell asleep and the glass slipped from his fingers. It hit the floor with a low thud, but, by some miracle, remained intact.

/-

The incessant banging on his door stirred Martin from his pleasant dreams and he called out in annoyance, "Yes, yes, I´m coming!" He threw on a t-shirt and made his way to the front door, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Taking a quick peek through the peep-hole, he opened the door quickly. "Sam?"

She looked a mess. She was drenched to the bone and was shivering uncontrollably, her teeth chattering. What little make-up she was wearing was smeared and her mascara was running, making it look like she had been crying.

"Jesus, Samantha! Come in."

Once inside, he hurried into the bathroom, found a large towel and grabbed his robe before returning to her side. "Here, lose the clothes and put this on."

She only stared at him as if she didn´t comprehend.

"Sam," he spoke a little impatiently, alarmed by the haunted look in her eyes, "put this on or you´ll catch pneumonia."

She finally seemed to hear him and nodded, beginning to slowly take off her wet clothes. Soon she stood completely naked in front of him. Normally, Martin would have been captivated, but he was too concerned by her behaviour to think of anything other than getting her warmed up. Handing her the robe and towel, he gathered her clothes up into his arms and went out into the bathroom once more to toss them into the dryer. When he returned, he was relieved to see that she had put on his robe and was drying off her hair in the towel.

"I´ll get you some sweats you can wear."

He started towards his closet, but was stopped by her voice, "That´s all right, this is fine, thank you."

He turned around, looking both sceptical and concerned. "You sure?"

She smiled and at last a little life appeared to return to her eyes. "Yes, really. I´m feeling better already."

"Okay, then." Martin hesitated, unsure of what to do next. Something about Samantha seemed off and it wasn´t just the fact she had been banging on his door well past midnight. She seemed shaken somehow. Making up his mind, he closed the distance between them and put a hand on her shoulder, speaking gently, "Everything okay? I thought you were going home to catch up on sleep?"

She became a little flustered and wouldn´t quite meet his eyes as she spoke, "I was, I mean, I did."

"And?" he coaxed mildly.

"I… I guess I had a… a nightmare or something," she spoke at first haltingly, but then more fluently. "It scared me and… and I suddenly wanted to see you." She met his gaze truly for the first time since arriving. "Is that okay?"

Martin wasn´t fully convinced, but decided to let it go for now. So instead of questioning her further, he only said, "Of course, it is. You know it is." He brushed a few stray hairs away from her face, giving her a tender smile. "But next time, call me and I´ll come to you. I don´t want you running around alone outside in the dark and the rain."

Normally, Samantha would have objected to what she might conceive as him being overly protective or possessive, but this time she only nodded. "I will, I promise."

They stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other.

"So…" Martin spoke at last, gesturing a little uncertainly. "You wanna go to bed?"

The question seemed to trigger something inside her and something flared in her eyes. "Yes." Her voice was low and husky and before Martin could take in the sudden turn of events, she grabbed him by the neck and brought their mouths together in a fierce kiss.

"Sam…" he fought for breath when she finally released his lips long enough to let him speak. "Are you… are you sure?" He wanted nothing more than to be with her, but felt she was vulnerable right now in a way he hadn´t experienced before and he didn´t want to take advantage of her earlier distress. Whatever the cause might be.

Her only reply was to kiss him again, this time with an almost frantic intensity that nearly made his legs buckle under him. Groaning into her mouth, Martin swept her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Once there, she wasted no time tearing his boxers and t-shirt from his body, only stopping her onslaught on his lips long enough to disrobe herself. He couldn´t help feeling a little disconcerted by the almost desperate way she clung to him, but as his arousal rose, all thoughts that didn´t concern Sam´s warm body beneath his flew out the window.

He did try to slow down, but Samantha would have none of it so Martin just let himself go, getting caught up in a ride he didn´t know how to control.

"Sam," he gasped as he felt his release approaching rapidly and he lifted his head from the crook of her neck, trying to catch her eyes, but they were squeezed shut. And then he felt like he had been stabbed in the gut. There, on her flushed cheeks, he saw a hint of moisture and this time he didn´t have to wonder what it was. He shivered as a sudden chill ran down his spine, but before he could think any further, he lost control and let his head fall back down, hiding his face from the world as well as himself.

/-

The next morning they showered and dressed in silence and separately. Martin heard her move about in the bathroom while he was in the kitchen, trying to get the coffeemaker to work. It usually worked like clockwork, but this morning the water just didn´t want to run through and he swore loudly, growing more and more frustrated with each futile attempt. Finally, he just gave up and shoved it roughly out of the way, settling for instant coffee instead even though he hated the stuff. Out of habit, he made two cups and they stood steaming on the kitchen counter by the time Samantha entered, wearing her clothes from last night and her hair pulled into a tight ponytail.

"Good morning."

He only nodded, taking his cup and watching her over the brim as he sipped the hot liquid carefully. After a moment of somewhat uncomfortable silence, she glanced at her watch. "Well, I should get going if I want to get back and change before work."

"You should keep some clothes here." The words flew out of Martin´s mouth, surprising them both.

"Yeah, I guess," Sam smiled a little hesitantly. She was silent for a moment, then nodded, as if to herself, and said with more certainty, "Yes, yes, I should. Good idea." She smiled at him again. "I´ll bring something round the next time I´m here."

Martin watched her in silence as she moved to the refrigerator, opening it to take out a carton of milk and adding a little to her coffee.

"You want some?" she spoke with her back turned and he shook his head, then realized she couldn´t see it.

"No, I´m good, thanks."

"All right. Have you got anything edible in here?"

"Sam, what´s going on?"

He didn´t know whether she was surprised by the non sequitur or if she just needed a little time before answering, but it took her several long seconds to close the refrigerator and turn around to face him.

"What do you mean?"

Her expression didn´t give anything away and somehow that made him angry, but he kept his anger in check, speaking calmly, "Last night, when you came here all upset, that wasn´t just because of some nightmare."

She didn´t answer, only waited for him to continue.

"That was…" Martin felt himself growing frustrated again. "That was something more. You were, I don´t know, weirded out in some way and when you came onto me like that, that wasn´t like you either and I want to know why. Did something happen after work?"

"I thought you liked it wild," was her only reply, holding his gaze steadily and still not betraying much emotion except that she appeared a little on guard now.

"You didn´t answer my question." This time he did nothing to mask his anger and he saw surprise colour her features and he felt relief to finally get some response from her. "Did…" He faltered, then took a deep breath, asking matter-of-factly, "Did something happen with Jack?"

He had halfway expected her to look away, but she didn´t and just looked at him instead. If felt like forever before she nodded imperceptibly, speaking softly, "Yes. He… he um, said he wanted me back."

Martin felt like the metaphorical knife in his gut had just been twisted. "And what did you say?"

"I told him to go to hell."

His eyes widened. "What!" He wasn´t sure what answer he had expected, but it sure as hell wasn´t that.

"You heard me." Samantha smiled faintly. "I told him to go to hell." Not waiting for a reply, she crossed the floor and took the cup from his hand before taking his hands into hers and looking up at him. "I told him to go to hell because I already am where I want to be, with who I want to be."

He studied her, unsure. "Really?"

She nodded, leaning up to place a lingering kiss on his lips.

"Then why were you so strange last night?"

"Well, you were right before." She let out a sigh. "I was upset, but I was mainly angry at Jack and at myself, too, I guess."

"Why?"

"Because it took me so long to let him go in the first place and because I never made it perfectly clear that I wasn´t interested any more." A fleeting smile showed on her face. "At least not until last night."

Martin looked at her for a long moment, feeling all the love he had for her well up into him in a way that was almost painful. Then he let go of her hands and took a step back, speaking quietly, "I don´t believe you."

He could tell by her expression that she was stunned, but he didn´t wait for her to get her bearings, stepping away but pausing in the doorway to gaze back at her. "I´ll wait, Samantha, but not forever." He gave her one last look, then walked away, speaking over his shoulder, "Lock the door behind you when you leave."

TBC…


	7. chapter 7

A/N: Diane, not only are you the best beta, but you also give the best feedback!

Continued from chapter 6

-/-

41 HOURS MISSING

"You look terrible."

"Thank you," Samantha replied sarcastically, draping her coat over the back of her chair. "I can tell you´re running for co-worker of the year award."

"Hey, it´s a close race between me and Jason Farrell," Danny answered with a small grin, completely unaffected by Sam´s attitude. "I gotta gather sympathy wherever I can."

"Right," Sam commented disinterestedly, not really paying attention to him. Switching on her desk lamp and computer, she said, "Sorry, I´m late. I had some business to take care of and traffic was a nightmare."

"That´s all right."

She looked up. "So, where is everybody?"

"Well," Danny began, making himself comfortable on the edge of Samantha´s desk. "Jack and Viv are off to speak to Dr. White. They want to clarify a thing or two. Martin´s at the scene of Deborah Harrison´s disappearance again, wearing out his shoes I´m sure. Jack´s orders to us are to speak to the janitor, James Crowther, once more, and to really lean on him this time."

"Huh." Sam didn´t seem impressed. "I don´t think we´ll get anything else from Crowther; Jack and I were pretty thorough the first time we spoke with him. But okay." She sighed, looking at Danny, "Please tell me, he´s meeting us here?"

He shook his head, wearing a Danny Taylor trademark smirk. "Nope. We´ll be meeting him at his office." Seeing her glum expression, he reached out and gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze, "Hey, cheer up. The fresh air will do you good. We´ll grab some coffee and donuts on the way."

That brought a little smile to her face and she grabbed her coat, speaking with renewed vigour, "All right, let´s go. I really could use both the caffeine and the sugar rush right now."

Danny quickly got his own coat and they made their way to the elevators, chatting aimlessly. Riding down, they fell silent and Danny used the opportunity to take a closer look at Samantha. He had only been joking earlier, but she really didn´t look her best. Hair and make-up were immaculate as always, but there were shadows under her eyes and she had this air of… he wasn´t really sure, dejection perhaps, about her and he could tell her mind was somewhere else entirely. It wasn´t like her to let personal problems distract her from a case, and he wasn´t really sure if he should ask or wait to see if her mood improved.

They were friends as well as colleagues, but they had always kept their friendship on a light bantering level, never really divulging a lot of personal information. She always seemed to have this invisible but impenetrable shield around her, even during everyday conversation, and it especially manifested itself in case anyone got too close. Danny himself knew enough about personal demons not to pry, but now he couldn´t help but wish they had shared more in the past. If they had, it wouldn´t feel so awkward if he were to ask if something was bothering her.

His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone and he grabbed it from his pocket just as they stepped out of the elevator. "Yes?"

"I think I might have found something."

"Just a moment, Martin." Danny caught Sam´s eye and they proceeded to a quiet corner of the lobby out of the way of the people milling about. "Okay, what´ve you got?"

"Well, I´ve just spoken to a hotdog vendor and he thinks he may have seen a woman matching Deborah Harrison´s description get into a white van, possibly a Ford, Monday afternoon. He wasn´t working yesterday, which is why I didn´t find him sooner. He says he noticed her because he didn´t think an old lady should have to carry her own shopping, so when the van drove up he was glad to see her getting a ride."

"A ride?"

"Yes, there was no struggle or anything like that. To the vendor it appeared as if she knew the driver. They exchanged a few words and she got in."

"Okay," Danny nodded to himself, meeting Sam´s questioning gaze as she patiently waited for him to finish. "Did he get a look at who was driving?"

Martin sighed on the other end. "I´m afraid not because he was standing too far away. Besides, he claims the windshield was really dirty so he wouldn´t have been able to see much anyway."

"Anything else?"

"No, not so far. Jack wants me to stay here a little while longer, see if I can round up any other witnesses. If I find anything, I´ll let you know."

"Okay, thanks." Danny snapped his phone shut. "That was Martin. He´s found a guy who says he saw an old lady get into a white van the time of Deborah Harrison´s disappearance. Voluntarily."

Samantha frowned, as if suddenly remembering something, "According to the DMV, James Crowther owns a white van."

"A Ford?"

"As a matter of fact…" Sam trailed off as they exchanged a look.

"Well, then, let´s go ask him about it," Danny said firmly and they exited the FBI building, both feeling a little more enthusiastic than when they entered.

/-

Jack leaned forward, resting his hands on Ian White´s desk. "It´s really straightforward, doctor. Either you start telling us the truth, or you´ll find yourself escorted out of the hospital by two FBI agents. And believe me when I say, we won´t use the discreet exit."

White squirmed, glancing between Jack and Vivian. Then he relented. "All right, all right, it´s true. I have already approached Debbie about the loan, and yes, she said no, but I was convinced that I could get her to change her mind eventually. I know I can make this work. I´m a terrific surgeon and I-"

Jack raised his hand pointedly, stilling the doctor´s flow of words. "I´m sure you are, but why did you lie about it in the first interview?"

"Because I thought it might make me look bad."

"No shit," Jack remarked incredulously, sharing an exasperated look with Vivian sitting in the chair beside him.

"Yes," Ian White responded with a hint of self-righteous indignation. "I just didn´t want to complicate matters, and besides, I´m still convinced that Debbie will realize that it´s a great idea once I show her the-"

"Dr. White," Vivian interrupted, her voice weary and her expression growing increasingly impatient, "don´t you realize that withholding information from the FBI is making you an even stronger suspect in your ex-mother-in-law´s disappearance, not to mention that it´s illegal?"

He looked at her as though the thought had never crossed his mind before smiling a little as if didn´t really concern him. "Well, I´m sorry, I didn´t mean anything by it."

"You didn´t mean anything by it!" Jack let out a disbelieving snort. "Just for that I´m tempted to drag you through the hospital in cuffs, doctor. At the very least you´re guilty of wasting our time."

The smile left Ian White´s face and he spoke quickly, "Hey, hey! Okay, I´m sorry. I should have told you, but I can prove that I didn´t have anything to do with it."

"How?" Jack´s tone of voice suggested that it had better be good.

"Well, I…" White tapped his fingers against his desk for a few seconds, avoiding the agents´ eyes. Then he took a deep breath and looked up. "But this has to stay between us."

"I hardly think you´re in a position to make demands," Jack answered coolly. "You got ten seconds before I bring out the handcuffs." As if to accentuate his words, he reached into his pocket.

"No, no! That won´t be necessary," Dr. White assured immediately. "Okay." He took another breath, "When I said I was in my office around the time she disappeared, I wasn´t telling the truth. I was still at the hospital mind you, but somewhere else."

"Five seconds."

"I was with a colleague of mine, a female colleague. We were engaged in some um… physical activities not quite appropriate for the work place."

Vivian sighed, drawing out her notepad. "Her name?"

"Dr. Young, Dr. Suzanne Young; she´s a dermatologist." Ian White hesitated. "And she´s married to the chief-of-staff."

Vivian only shook her head, deciding not to comment, and simply asked, "And she can vouch for your whereabouts Monday afternoon?"

"Yes, yes... If it comes to that."

"Oh, believe me," Jack spoke grimly as he rose from the chair. "It will come to that."

Dr. White jumped to his feet, speaking hurriedly, "Well, at least you´ll be discreet, won´t you? I mean, no reason to make a big deal out of things, right?"

The scalding look the two agents shot back at him stopped him from speaking any further. He sank back down into his chair instead, just catching the beginning of their conversation as they left his office and walked down the hall.

"The man´s an idiot."

"Clearly."

For a moment, he was surprised that they had spoken so loud, allowing him and others to overhear it. Then he began to think that maybe that had been the point.

/-

Late afternoon found Martin striding down the corridor, a certain brisk purpose to his step. He had just returned from walking the streets of New York and he was hungry. He hadn´t been successful in finding other people who had noticed either Deborah Harrison or a white van, but at least now they had something to go on rather than she had just vanished into thin air.

Entering the staff room, he slowed down, pausing for just a beat before continuing to the refrigerator.

"Jack."

"Martin." Jack acknowledged from where he was sitting at the table, a half eaten sandwich and several papers scattered in front of him. "Just got back?"

"Yeah," Martin answered, scanning the shelves of the refrigerator to find the slices of pizza he didn´t finish the day before. "I didn´t find anybody else, so the hot dog vendor´s all we got so far."

"Good job finding him."

Martin located his pizza behind a salad and a yogurt container, probably belonging to a female member of the team. Or Danny. "Thanks. I was lucky."

"Thorough," Jack amended. "Oh, I think it´s out of order," he added as Martin fished out some change for the vending machine. "It´s still holding onto my soda."

"Ah." A half smile appeared on Martin´s face. "You just need to know how to work it." He gave the machine a deft whack on the right side while simultaneously giving it a light kick at the bottom. Two seconds later a soda can popped out. "Here you go."

Jack raised an eyebrow, taking the can and opening it. "Impressive."

"Lots of practice."

"Well..." Jack took a swig of his drink before speaking wryly, "You should have showed me that trick years ago. That machine owes me a fortune in quarters."

Martin only shrugged in reply, getting his own soda from the machine. Taking the paper plate with his leftover pizza into his free hand, he hesitated, looking at Jack who was bent back over the papers on the table and appeared to have forgotten his presence.

"Did the doctor´s alibi check out?"

"Yes," Jack nodded without looking up. "Dr. Young confirmed he was with her at the time of Deborah´s disappearance.

"So what now?"

This time Jack looked up. "Danny and Samantha are on their way back here and I´ll be up in a minute to go over things with all of you." He returned his attention to the papers and Martin couldn´t help but feel he had been dismissed for the second time in two days.

Remaining where he was, he watched Jack as a myriad of emotions surged through him. Despite the relative progress of the missing person case, which was solely his doing, he had had a lousy day and the man sitting before him was indirectly responsible. No, Martin corrected mentally; he was _directly _responsible. If he hadn´t said anything to Samantha, if he hadn´t blatantly ignored everything but his own selfish needs, then things wouldn´t have escalated this morning. Without even being in the room, Jack had tied his hands and forced him into a situation he didn´t want - a situation he had never wanted.

He felt the onset of a strange, cold anger, but tried to suppress it, biting the inside of his cheek. When he spoke, he surprised himself both by how normal his voice sounded and what he was actually saying, "You´re no good for her. You´ve barely been divorced for a minute, you´re older, you have two young kids who need you and you´re still her boss."

It felt like a very long time before Jack responded, slowly raising his head to fix Martin with an intense but unreadable stare. Seconds flew by as they held each other´s gaze and Martin tasted blood in the back of his mouth.

"Anything else?" Jack´s words when he finally spoke were clipped but contained.

His apparent aloofness served to both anger and frustrate Martin further. "I´ve always thought highly of you, Jack; you´ve never given me reason not to. But now… I witnessed you sacrifice your family and peace of mind to go out of your way to find complete strangers; somehow I thought it selfless. Now, I know it was the direct opposite."

Still nothing and Martin almost felt like shouting to get a reaction - any reaction at all - out of the man. But he didn´t and a certain calm spread in him; not enough, however, to prevent him from speaking with some bitterness. "I´d really like to think you care enough about Samantha to let her go and find happiness, if not with me, then someone else. But if that isn´t the case, I guess all I can do is to wish the two of you good luck. You´ll need it."

Jack´s expression didn´t change but his voice was distinctly cold. "You´re out of line, Martin."

"No, Jack." Martin could have laughed from the absurdity of it all. "You are. You always have been in regards to Samantha."

He waited to see if another response was forthcoming, but Jack was silent, his face a picture of stoicism. Martin looked down at the floor for a moment, shaking his head lightly in disbelief. Then without another word he turned and walked away.

/-

Sam awoke with a start to a completely dark apartment. Slightly disorientated, she reached out, her fingers fumbling with the switch of the floor lamp next to her couch for a moment before managing to flick it on. Slowly sitting up, she let out a low groan as she felt the pain in her neck from falling asleep in an awkward position. She had only meant to rest a little before getting a few annoying but necessary chores done. Normally she rarely had the time or the energy to make much of a dent in the piles of laundry or dishes gathering in her home, but today she had left work early.

Feeling like shit most of the day, she finally relented and asked Jack if it would be okay for her to leave. He hadn´t questioned her, but only nodded, wishing her a speedy recovery. It had really felt like she was getting the flu all day, but after a few hours of sleep on her couch, she felt considerably better and her headache was all but gone. Maybe sleep was all she needed. Or maybe, Sam thought to herself, as she went out into the kitchen, maybe she had just needed to get out of the office.

No casual observer would have noticed anything off, but to Sam and the rest of the team it was abundantly clear that something most certainly was. At first, she had believed it was only her and her discomfort stemming from being around Jack. However, then she noticed how Martin steadily refused to look anywhere near them, staring at his notes whenever it was his turn to speak. Following that she noticed Vivian throwing several sharp glances Jack´s way while Danny was shooting curious looks at all four of them. After that, her headache had grown a whole lot worse. Nothing out of the ordinary had been said, but the atmosphere had been tense and resentful, and Danny´s few, feeble attempts to lighten the mood with jokes hadn´t gone over well.

With a sigh, Sam opened a cupboard and reached in to take out a container with coffee. She should probably fix herself something to eat instead, but she wasn´t very hungry and hoped the caffeine could chase away the last remnants of sleep from her mind. Just as the pleasant scent of coffee started to spread in her kitchen, she heard a single brisk knock on her door.

Her face fell when she peered through the peep-hole to see Jack and she suddenly felt like she had been hit with a ton of bricks as an almost painful exhaustion filled her. For a moment, she considered to simply not open and leave him standing, but then she thought better of it and unlocked the door. Opening it halfway, she shielded most of her body behind it and spoke tiredly, "Is it work related?"

Jack looked surprised by her directness, but caught himself quickly. "Um, no. Not really."

"Then what do you want, Jack?" Samantha was amazed how bland she sounded. "I´ve already told you to go to hell once. Are you really that eager to hear me say it again?"

"No, not particularly." He searched her face and whatever it was he was looking for, she was adamant that he wasn´t going to find it. "May I come in? I won´t be long, I promise."

She almost smiled. At least she had to admire him for his obstinacy even if it was unappreciated. She already felt the word 'no' on her lips when she surprised herself by stepping away from the door, allowing him a few feet into her apartment.

Taking the hint, Jack didn´t press further, but held up a brown paper bag she hadn´t noticed he was carrying. "I brought you soup."

"Great," Samantha´s reply was practically caustic. "That´s gonna solve everything."

When she didn´t make a move to take it, Jack sighed, then carefully pushed his way around her. "I´m just going to put this in the kitchen."

She didn´t answer, but followed him back in there, crossing her arms as she watched him deposit the soup on the counter. Turning back to her, he commented, "I see you´re feeling better?" The look on his face was similar to the patient, sympathetic one he wore whenever he was dealing with suspicious or scared witnesses and it bugged the hell out of her.

"Somewhat."

"That´s good."

She shrugged.

They stood in silence, regarding each other closely and Sam saw some of the quiet confidence leave Jack´s eyes. Either things weren´t going as he had hoped or he had forgotten what to do next. Her anger gradually dissipated and was replaced with weariness and she suddenly felt like crying.

"Why are you here, Jack?"

Apparently, she hadn´t succeeded in masking her distress because pain flickered across Jack´s face and his voice was hoarse as he spoke, "I´m here… I´m here because I can´t lose you."

Samantha felt the sting of tears again and this time she didn´t bother with hiding them. "It´s too late, Jack. It´s several years too late."

He took a hesitant step toward her, his dark eyes boring into her. "Are you saying that you have no feelings left for me whatsoever?"

She looked down without answering.

"Samantha?"

Her face hidden from view, she heard the growing desperation in his voice and knew she couldn´t lie no matter how much she wanted to. Almost whispering, she said, "You know that´s not the case." She took a steadying breath and looked up, shocked by how he was suddenly less than two feet away. "But that´s not the point," she spoke more firmly, taking a step backward.

"You´re wrong." Jack immediately closed the distance between them, but, to her relief, refrained from touching her. "That´s exactly the point, Sam. You and I have been doing this song and dance for years now. Anybody else would have moved on a long time ago, but not us. Not us. There´s a reason for that. You know there is."

Sam had no energy left. She felt his warm breath against her face, his hand on her hip and closed her eyes.

"I want you back, Samantha."

This time when he kissed her, she kissed him back.

TBC…


	8. chapter 8

A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews. They lighten the writing!

Continued from chapter 7

/-

The red numbers on her alarm read 3:27. Samantha had been watching them slowly progress from 2:44 till their current state while wondering if watching made it feel like time went faster or slower.

3:28.

Right now she was thinking slower, definitely slower.

She could feel him behind her. He had been asleep for the last couple of hours, both, she suspected, as a result of their earlier activities and the long, stressful hours of the job. He never did get enough rest.

He was resting now, though. She could feel his even breath against the back of her neck, his body pressed against her back and his left arm draped lightly over her waist. She was the one who was awake. A tired smile showed briefly on her face. It was déjà vu all over again. Back when their affair was still on, she would often lay awake, watching him sleep. Back then, time had been moving too fast.

The recollection spurred something in her and she turned around to face him. Her movement made him stir, the arm at her waist pulling her closer ever so slightly before becoming limp again. Sam smiled again, despite herself. Typical Jack, he never could make up his mind.

And apparently, neither could she.

She immediately pushed the thought away; she wasn´t going to think about that now. She would have plenty of time to beat herself up and think about all the ramifications of this night soon enough. Right now, she wanted to just be in the moment and pretend that everything was all right with the world. Pretend that she didn´t just break every single promise she had ever made to herself. Pretend that she hadn´t cheated on Martin. Pretend that she wasn´t lying here in bed with Jack.

And most at all she wanted to pretend it didn´t feel so right when every single voice in her head were screaming it was wrong.

She sighed. Normally she was very good at pretending, but it had always been difficult with Jack and that didn´t seem to have changed. She wondered if anything had really changed at all.

Very carefully, she brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face. It always amazed her how peaceful he looked when he slept. She had commented on it once and it surprised him, but pleasantly. He said that it had to be because she was there with him. She had kissed him after that and they were both late for work that morning.

She propped herself onto her elbow to be able to see him better. He also looked younger when he slept. She had never cared about the age difference - that had more been one of Jack´s concerns. However, she had managed to nip that one in the bud pretty quickly by saying that with all the factors involved in their relationship that really should be the last thing on his mind.

At first she hadn´t really cared that he was married either and when that changed it was too late. Sam had found herself head over heels in love with her married boss and as much as that scared her, the thought of not loving him was even scarier. So she had settled. Settled for what he could give her and it had been so very, very difficult, but made tolerable because she knew deep down he was hers.

He showed it in so many ways; a look, a stolen touch, the smile that always lit up his eyes when he saw her again after a night´s separation only to be followed by the answering pain when he had to leave. She had known he would come to her whenever she needed him; he hadn´t had to prove that by risking his life for her then. She never felt safer than when she was with him, whether in a small café or in pursuit of a suspect didn´t matter.

All that mattered was that he was there.

When they were together, she was the sole focus of his attention and it made her feel cherished and wanted in a way no one else ever had. For hours he would quietly listen to her stress over the same minuscule details that had caused a case to end badly. He would hold her, stroke her hair and when she was calmer he would tell her it wasn´t anyone´s fault and that everything would be all right. In those moments, she had believed him. In those moments, she had been happy.

And then he broke her heart.

In fact, he kept breaking it over and over again, and she had let him, even assisted him at times.

Not again.

"Hey."

Sam smiled softly, slowly letting her fingertips brush against his face. "Did my incessant staring finally get to you?"

"No," Jack closed his eyes briefly as he felt her touch, a small smile of his own playing on his lips. "I´ve never minded that."

"Then why are you awake?"

He shrugged as much as was possible lying down, seeking out and holding her gaze. "Maybe I just missed you?"

She smiled again, but didn´t reply and just moved her hand a little to play with his slightly ruffled hair. Jack fell silent, too, but continued to watch her and Sam knew she would soon see a question emerge in his eyes. It was a question she wasn´t ready to answer yet. So she took the safe way out.

"Do you think we´ll find her?"

It was clear that he knew immediately who she was talking about, but also that it was probably the last thing he had expected her to say.

"I don´t know; Sam, it´s been more than 48 hours."

She lowered her gaze, focusing on his lips as she gently trailed them with a finger.

"Hey, that tickles," he complained good-humouredly and she felt his hot breath against her hand.

"Soak it up," she teased with a faint grin, her touch becoming almost feather light for emphasis. "You´re in my bed and my rules apply."

She saw amusement in his eyes, but he didn´t comment and just rolled fully onto his back to give her better access. Sam scooted closer, just stopping short of actually touching his body with hers. Instead she continued to caress his face tenderly, smoothing out an eyebrow or running a finger along a cheekbone, her expression one of intense concentration.

The expression on Jack´s face was closer to pure bliss and his eyelids began to close. Sam knew that if she kept this up, she would put him back to sleep soon. She wasn´t sure if she wanted that or not.

"It almost feels like you´re mapping me out." His voice was drowsy and content. "Like you´re memorizing everything."

"Maybe I am."

Her response had been innocent enough, but something in the way she had spoken made his eyes flutter right open and he reached up to still her hand. "Sam?"

All he saw was sadness.

"Sam, Sam no…" He rolled onto his side, pressing her hand against his chest. "Whatever you´re thinking, don´t."

"It´s okay, Jack."

"No, no, it´s not."

She saw the alarm in his eyes and searched for words to reassure him, but without success and she realized it was because she didn´t have any to offer.

"Please don´t say you regret this?"

"I don´t," she answered quietly and to her surprise, Sam realized it was the truth. It was fitting somehow. They had started out with her being the other woman, now they could finish it with him being the other man. The irony made her smile a little, but it was a smile that never made it to her eyes.

Jack regarded her for a moment, his expression growing somber. Then, abruptly, he moved in to capture her lips in a fierce kiss. Along with surprise, Sam felt desire instantly surge through her just like she always did with him; just as if she was still an awkward teenager experiencing love for the first time. In all their moments together, even when they had pretended it was only work or friendship, that the glances or the touches were casual and innocent, it never failed to fill her with warmth and excitement.

He had known it too. The backseats of several rental cars could testify to that.

"Jack…" she whispered, knowing that she should stop him, for both their sakes, but also realizing with absolute clarity that she wasn´t going to.

He quickly rolled her onto her back, following the movement and resting carefully above her, keeping most of his weight on his elbows. Just like in the past, she would have none of it and pulled him down onto her body. She felt him inhale sharply, knowing exactly what the full body contact did to him and she couldn´t help but smile.

"Sam…"

She silenced him with a kiss matching his previous fervour. She didn´t want to talk any more. All she wanted was him, to feel him, to hold him and to love him in the way she had had to restrain from for way too long. All she wanted was to allow herself that luxury one last time.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him and closed her eyes. He had lost weight since they were last together, but, like earlier, her body recognized the feel of him and responded accordingly. He kissed her deeply and she held his head firmly between her hands, returning the kiss with almost frantic intensity. Running a hand down his back, their teeth nearly clashed as she pulled him against her and he moaned into her mouth. Then she suddenly pulled away.

"What-?" Jack´s eyes were dark and hazy with desire.

She tried to catch her breath, placing a shaky hand on the side of his face to reassure him. "It´s okay. I just want us to slow down."

He swallowed visibly. "Slow down?"

"Yes," she smiled, and at that moment Jack thought she had never looked more beautiful, her face flushed and eyes shining. "I want it to last."

The look on his face slowly transformed into one of such tenderness that Sam felt her chest constrict almost painfully. He leaned down, kissing the soft swell of her breast before moving back to her lips, whispering against them, "Then let´s make it last."

After that, no real words were spoken and the silence was only broken by soft gasps and moans. Their movements slowed down, but not their passion as they rediscovered each other´s bodies without the urgency that marked their earlier encounter that night. This time it was Jack who was mapping her out, exploring every part of her with his hands and lips, his every touch burning into her memory as she trembled beneath him. He felt so good against her, so warm and strong and right.

When at last their sweat-slicked bodies joined and he moved inside her, she broke away from his kiss and buried her face against his neck, overwhelmed and almost frightened by the intensity of her feelings. Clinging to him, she held him as tightly as she could, feeling his body shudder in response.

"Samantha…"

The sound of her name on his lips was her final undoing and her quiet gasp was his.

Afterward he held her and she could hear his frantic heartbeat slowly calm down as he stroked her matted hair, gently combing it out with his fingers. She didn´t feel the need to speak and knew he didn´t either. She fell asleep with him still caressing her hair.

TBC…


	9. chapter 9

Continued from chapter 8

-/-

64 HOURS MISSING

Samantha woke up to the sight and sound of a minor hurricane in her bedroom. She blinked groggily a few times only to realize it was in fact a half-dressed Jack scurrying the room to find the remainder of his clothes. She vaguely remembered something about having thrown them all over the place last night in her eagerness to undress him. The memory made her blush ever so slightly.

"Morning." Jack had noticed she was awake and slowed down long enough to give her a quick kiss on the forehead before continuing his search. "You wouldn´t happen to know where my shoes are?"

"Um…" She shook her head lightly to clear her mind before offering hesitantly, recalling it had been awhile before they abandoned the couch for her bed, "The living room?"

He stopped, looking at her for a moment while considering, then nodded. "Could be."

Sam sat up, pulling the covers protectively up around her as she watched him disappear out into the living room. He returned shortly afterwards with both shoes in his hand. "Under the couch," he said as explanation as he sat down on the edge of the bed, slipping them on. "Sorry, I´m in such a hurry, but I have a meeting with Van Doren at 9 and I´m a little late as it is."

She turned her head to glance at her alarm clock. "You´ll be cutting it really close if you are going home to shower and change first."

He smiled at her, reaching out to brush a couple of stray hairs behind her ear. "Well, I kind of have to, don´t I? It´s not like I have any fresh clothes stored here any more."

"No, that´s true."

It was a little white lie. Sam was pretty sure a few items were left somewhere, probably buried deeply in the back of her closet, but she wasn´t going to bring that up now. It might give him the wrong impression.

Done with his shoes, Jack rose again and stepped over to pick up his jacket from the floor. He put it on and stuffed his tie into a pocket before turning around to face her. He was about to speak when something like realization finally showed on his face and his brow furrowed.

"Is everything okay?"

"Why wouldn´t it be?" She tried to deflect the question with a placid smile. She wasn´t going to get into a discussion with him now, although she knew it was a conversation they needed to have soon. However, now wasn´t the time.

He regarded her in silence for a moment, then walked over to sit down on the bed again. Taking her limp hand into his, he looked into her eyes as he spoke earnestly, "Look, I know I´ve been coming on a little strong."

Sam couldn´t help but smile wryly at the understatement, but remained silent.

"I didn´t come here last night to… well, you know." He gestured with his free hand at her and the bed, looking a little sheepish. "I just wanted to check on you and see if you were all right. I´m fully aware that what happened last night probably shouldn´t have happened, at least not yet, but I´m not going to lie and say I regret that it did."

She returned his gaze unwaveringly, her eyes alert but somehow veiled and she still didn´t respond. Not just because she wanted to hear him out, but because she didn´t know what to say herself. In fact, she wasn´t even sure she knew how to move, as she had been frozen in the same half upright position since she woke.

Jack sighed, glancing down at his hand holding hers before looking back up. "I know it complicates matters and to be honest, I´m not feeling particularly proud of myself right now, but…" He hesitated and it appeared as though he was searching for words as they continued to look into each other´s eyes, neither able to look away. Wetting his lips, Jack spoke softly, subconsciously leaning a little closer, "Sam, I know everything is a bit of a mess and I know it´s all my fault."

"It´s not just your fault," she began wearily, knowing she was just as responsible as he. If not more and it was time she paid for it. "I was weak. I should-"

He gently put a finger to her lips to still her words and she allowed him, feeling the light brush against her face as he removed it again.

"Okay, then let´s say it´s mainly my fault," he replied with a faint smile before growing serious. "There´s so much I need to say to you, and I will, but I really have to go now or Van Doren will have my ass."

Sam nodded meekly, both disappointed and relieved that they would have to postpone this. For a moment she wondered if he would kiss her goodbye and she could almost tell he was wondering the same by the look in his eyes. Then at last he leaned forward to give her a light peck on the cheek and stood up.

"I´ll see you at work."

"Yes." She watched as he made his way to the door, unable to stop herself from deadpanning, "I might be a little late myself. Cover for me if my boss asks; he´s the dark, ruggedly handsome one. Can´t miss him."

Jack turned to look back at her, giving her an amused look. "Shall do." He paused, as if reluctant to leave. When he finally spoke, the amusement had been replaced with quiet sincerity. "I wasted so much time, Sam, making myself believe I was doing the right thing without really doing it. Maybe this isn´t right, but at least I´m going to be consistent about it."

She didn´t have a reply and he wasn´t expecting one. He only gave her one last look, then let himself out of her apartment. It was several minutes after the sound of his hurried footsteps had faded before Sam climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom.

/-

Half running, Jack was making a beeline for the lobby elevators when a nervous but still determined voice stopped him in his tracks. "Agent Malone?"

He turned to see Caroline White walk quickly towards him and he felt his shoulders slump a little as he took in the haggard look on her face. She looked like she hadn´t slept since he last spoke to her. Odds were that she hadn´t.

"I´m sorry to come unannounced," she spoke as she reached him. "I know you said you would call if there was any news, but… but it´s just been so long."

"It´s quite all right, I understand," Jack answered pleasantly, no trace of urgency or impatience in his voice despite the hurry he was in. He put a comforting hand or her shoulder, gently guiding her toward the elevator. "Why don´t you ride up with me and I´ll have one of my agents tell you what we have found so far. I would do it myself, but I´m late for a meeting."

She nodded gratefully, "Okay, thank you."

The elevator doors opened and they and four other people stepped in. Two of the women obviously knew each other and were soon involved in a hushed but heated discussion about whether Denise in cubicle seven was pregnant or if she had only gained weight. And if she were pregnant, did Robert in accounting know anything about it. Jack sighed and tried to tune out their voices, not the least interested in office gossip. Instead he thought of the frazzled woman standing beside him, noticing how she was continuously wringing her hands in an unconscious way. He wondered what news he might have to give her in a few days, and then wondered if he would have any news to give her at all. That was the worst part, not being able to tell anything at all.

He had seen pain in people´s eyes in so many forms by now - pain from learning that something they firmly believed in had been nothing but lies or deception, pain when hope began to fade and pain from hearing that a loved one wouldn´t return home alive. But the worst kind was the pain that showed when at last Jack had to admit that: 'I'm sorry, but we don´t know'. Something just died in their eyes after those words and Jack would feel himself lose just one more smidgen of faith in the world. If not himself.

When they finally reached their floor, they were the last people to exit the elevator.

"Okay, just go straight ahead," Jack pointed in direction of the bullpen, "and tell them I sent you. They´ll fill you in, but…" He looked at her kindly, not wanting to destroy her last hope, but also knowing it was essential he didn´t make any promises. Not after so long. "But don´t expect too much. We´re doing our best, but it takes time."

She didn´t speak, but nodded lightly, holding his eyes briefly before slowly walking away. Jack watched her retreating back for a few seconds, then tore himself loose and headed for Van Doren´s office. It was long past 9; she would not be happy.

/-

The flicker of her monitor was hurting her eyes and Vivian found herself regretting not offering to go with Martin and Danny earlier. She knew without a doubt that she would end up having a splitting headache by the time it was time to go home. Too bad really. She had actually woken up in a quite cheerful and energized mood this morning, but although if it wasn´t even noon yet, her high spirits had all but gone.

She had arrived at work early, eager to get started and when Danny arrived his usual optimistic self, they had shared a few laughs, the tension from the previous day forgotten. Even Martin, who had been somewhat quiet when he showed up, perked up a little, offering a few jokes of his own. Of course, that was before Jack called in to say he would be late, shortly followed by Samantha calling in to say the same. The mood had deteriorated noticeably after that.

Danny had pretended nothing was wrong, but Martin had grown silent, immersing himself in paperwork. Viv herself had decided to give both the latecomers the benefit of the doubt, or to be precise, give Jack the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people were just plain late, but it had nagged at her nonetheless, particularly whenever her gaze fell on Martin´s bent head. Vivian was a keen observer and had known about him and Samantha for some time, but had never commented on it as it wasn´t any of her business. Besides, it had seemed like they wanted to keep their relationship under wraps as it were. At least Samantha had seemed to want to keep it that way, a fact that eventually began to frustrate Martin a little from what Viv had observed.

As a woman, she had no problems following Sam´s reasoning. People were always quick to pass out labels and women in a rather male dominated profession were particularly vulnerable. That there might be another reason for Sam´s reluctance had crossed her mind as well, but she had chosen not to dwell on it. It was just easier that way.

Viv sighed. It had almost been a relief when Caroline White approached them, asking for any information they had to give, thus reminding them all that they were actually at work. It had taken a depressingly short time to bring her up to speed and Caroline White had left more downcast than she arrived. It served as a wakeup call, and when an apologetic Samantha arrived not long afterwards, everything was apparently back to normal - one quick glance from Martin notwithstanding. So when Jack walked up twenty minutes later, everybody was busy on the phone or computer and the news he had only served to chase personal troubles further from their minds.

"The forensics report just got back. They found no traces of blood, but Deborah Harrison´s hair and fingerprints were found in James Crowther´s van. Danny, Martin, bring him in."

Vivian looked at her watch; they should be back soon. Perhaps the day wouldn´t be so bad after all.

/-

James Crowther was very thin, very pale and very quiet. He hadn´t spoken two words to anyone since Danny and Martin arrived at his doorstep to take him in for questioning, and Jack now wondered if the man was being very stubborn or very stupid.

"Are you sure you don´t want a lawyer present, Mr. Crowther?"

He shook his head and Jack sighed, sensing Danny at his right side doing the same.

"Please speak out loud, sir. The interview is being recorded and we need to hear your statement."

Crowther scratched his cheek, looking down firmly at the table. Then he shook his head again, speaking practically inaudibly, "No, no lawyer."

"Could you repeat that?" Danny asked.

"I said no lawyer," Crowther spoke more forcefully as he looked up, a certain look of distaste showing on his face. "All they ever do is get you into greater trouble."

"Okay, then," Danny looked to Jack, who took out a couple of sheets of paper from a folder, placing them on the table in front of Crowther.

"I´m sure I don´t have to explain to you what a forensics report is, Mr. Crowther. Everybody who watches television knows that. Instead, I would like for you to explain to me why we have found Deborah Harrison´s fingerprints on the door handle and dashboard of your van."

"She occasionally rides with me."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Where to?"

"Mainly shopping."

Jack studied the man sitting before him. He didn´t appear overly defensive, more like sullen and suspicious. It did make sense, though, that he would be this way even if innocent. While studying the man´s old record, Jack had come to the conclusion that James Crowther had received some very bad advice in the past from an inexperienced defense attorney, advising him to plea when he probably could have walked free. However, his attitude wasn´t helping.

"Why didn´t you tell us sooner?"

"I forgot."

"You forgot?" Danny rose and stepped around the table, leaning down to speak directly into Crowther´s face, "Did I forget to tell you that you´re the number one suspect in Deborah Harrison´s disappearance? You have no alibi. You were on friendly terms with her so she would get into a car with you. A witness places a white Ford at the scene as well as a woman who matches Deborah´s description. We have found her prints and hair in your van, so really, sir, I would advise you to get that memory of yours working because it´s looking really bad for you right now."

Crowther crossed his arms, turning his face away. "I have nothing else to say. I didn´t take her anywhere and I haven´t done anything to her. Why would I? She was always nice to me."

"So you´re maintaining that you were in your office at the time it happened and that the fingerprints and hair are old ones?" Jack asked.

"Yes."

"Well," Jack rose, "sorry, but that just isn´t good enough." He walked over to the intercom on the wall, locking eyes with James Crowther as he spoke into it, "Take him downstairs. Mr. Crowther will be staying here with us for a little while."

Danny sat down on the edge of the table, tilting his head as he watched Crowther with a tiny smirk. "You still sure about not wanting that lawyer?"

/-

The café was a small and quite cozy place, serving decent food to decent prices. Martin and Sam had been there a couple of times before on the rare occasions work allowed them to actually have a proper lunch break. It was a little after 1 pm and the place was crowded, but they lucked out as another couple just rose to leave when they arrived. Sam quickly went over to secure the table at the window, while Martin stepped up to the counter to order their food. He returned about five minutes later, balancing two sodas and two cups of coffee in his hands.

Samantha watched him as he came over and smiled faintly, "Not taking any chances I see?"

"Nope." Martin sat down across the table, giving her a brief smile of his own as he handed her a soda and the cup of coffee. "You always change your mind and want something else, so this time I´m trying to play it safe."

The smile on Sam´s face stiffened almost imperceptibly, but Martin noticed nonetheless. However, he chose not to comment on it, feeling that whatever it was, he would learn soon enough. He had been surprised when she approached him earlier in the office and quietly asked if he wanted to grab a bite somewhere. Since there had been a slight lull in their work after James Crowther was brought downstairs, he had agreed even if he wasn´t really sure he wanted to. The look on her face had been so grave that he had just known she was about to tell him something bad, but on their way there she had seemingly relaxed and even laughed with him as he told her about this crappy movie he had seen. Also, he had noticed a long look from Jack as they walked to the elevators - a look that wasn´t exactly pleased - so now he didn´t really know what to expect. Other than to expect _something_.

They chatted idly while waiting for their food, but Martin couldn´t help but notice how Samantha gradually grew more and more tense, her fingers playing with her napkin constantly and the time between her replies becoming longer and longer. When at last their burgers arrived, they had been sitting in silence for a couple of minutes.

Martin took a bite, chewing as he watched Sam lift the burger to her mouth only to put it back down right away.

He swallowed. "Something wrong?"

"No, no," she said hastily. "It´s fine."

"I can get you something else?"

"No, really," Sam smiled with a light shake of her head, "it´s fine. I´m suddenly just not very hungry."

Martin looked at her, suddenly not feeling very hungry himself and he put the burger back on the plate, reaching for a napkin to wipe his hands. "Sam," he spoke in a calm but tired voice. "Why are we here?"

She hesitated and he could tell she was torn between pretending she didn´t know what he was talking about and coming forward with what was on her mind. To his relief, she finally chose the latter.

Taking a deep breath, she said quietly, "I can´t see you any more, Martin."

Martin felt the lump build in his throat. He had been expecting this, but now that the words were out, the pain they caused still surprised him. He cleared his throat a few times, breaking eye contact to look out of the window as he inquired just as quietly, "Why not?"

"It´s, it´s not right. I mean, it´s not fair to you." She sounded rushed and nervous. "I care for you, Martin, I really do, but I´m just not ready for this- this type of commitment, I-"

"Cut the bullshit, Sam." Martin slowly turned his head to meet her anxious gaze. "Just tell it like it is. I´m more into you than you´re into me, it´s that simple."

She swallowed a few times, then nodded quickly in acknowledgement, "Yes. I´m sorry."

"So, is it back to Jack now?" Martin knew his voice was bitter and resentful, but he didn´t care.

Sam flinched. "No, of course not. That´s over for good."

He studied her, noticing how a faint blush rose to her cheeks as she turned her head slightly sideways to avoid his stare. He leaned across the table, commanding softly, "Look at me. Sam, look at me."

Reluctantly she did.

What he saw caused pure fury to well up in him, his mind going completely blank as he struggled to take in the realization. It was several moments before he could speak, his voice practically dripping with disgust, "You slept with him."

It was a statement, not a question.

She flinched again, this time as if she had been hit by a physical blow and all colour was gone from her face now. He wondered for a second if she was going to deny it, almost daring her to, but then she said in a low whisper, "I´m sorry."

"How many times," he spat out, his head filling with nauseating images of Samantha and Jack sneaking off together whenever he was looking the other way.

"Just once."

"When?"

She said something inaudibly.

"When?" he repeated loudly, causing a few heads to turn their way. "I didn´t hear you."

Anger flashed in her eyes and it both pleased and aggravated him further, wondering what she possibly could have to say to defend herself. However, she surprised him when she finally spoke, her voice calm, if very quiet, "Last night. It wasn´t planned, it just happened." She reached out, as if to touch his hand, but stopped herself as he violently snatched it away. Looking down, she said softly, "I´m so sorry. I really am."

Martin shook his head angrily, struggling with all the thoughts and impulses that assaulted him from everywhere, causing him to go momentarily mum. So instead he rose abruptly, nearly causing his chair to topple over. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a few bills, throwing them on the table as he found his voice and spoke coldly, "I think this should cover it."

He stared at her, but she wouldn´t look up.

"Bon Appétit!"

He left without looking back.

/-

"Wait! Hold the elevator!"

Jack immediately held out a hand, preventing the doors from closing and they slowly slid back open to reveal a half running Samantha. However, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him, and Jack would have been amused if it hadn´t been for the look on her face. She was completely frozen for a couple of seconds, but then she resumed her walk and stepped into the elevator beside him.

"Hey," Jack smiled, glad that they were alone for once. "How was lunch?"

She didn´t answer and didn´t look at him either, keeping her gaze straight ahead.

He bit his lip, wondering if he should ask, but before he could decide, she beat him to it, speaking with a listlessness that shocked him. "Don´t say anything, Jack, not now, okay?"

"Sam, I-"

He halted instantly as her head snapped towards him, her eyes filled with something frighteningly close to hatred. They stared at each other for a moment, then the expression in her eyes changed, slowly turning into one of dull weariness and she looked away.

Jack knew better, but was too unsettled not to speak. "Is everything okay with you?"

She let out a long slow breath before answering, "No, everything isn´t okay with me."

"Is there-"

"I´m sick and tired of this," she spoke softly, almost as if she was speaking to herself. "I´m sick and tired of this job, I´m sick and tired of you, but most of all…" She turned her head to look into his concerned eyes. "But most of all, I´m sick and tired of myself."

They reached their floor and the doors opened soundlessly, but neither made a move to get out of the elevator and nobody was waiting for it either. Jack didn´t try to say anything as he knew Sam wasn´t done. She wrapped her arms around her, glanced down for a second before looking back at him, her face composed but her eyes pained.

"I don´t like myself very much right now, Jack, and I particularly don´t like myself around you, so just leave me alone, okay? Whatever we had, it´s in the past and I don´t want to go there again. Last night was a mistake and it won´t happen again."

They stared at each other and Jack didn´t know what shook him the most: the finality behind her words or the complete lack of life in her eyes. The elevator doors began to close again, but Sam was the only one to step out. She turned back to look at him, holding his gaze as long as it was possible and the last thing he heard before the closing of the doors was a softly spoken, "Goodbye, Jack."

TBC…


	10. chapter 10

Continued from chapter 9

/-

71.5 HOURS MISSING

"Samantha, there´s a message for you."

"Okay, thanks," Sam nodded in response to Vivian´s information as she let herself fall heavily into her chair. Picking up the post-it note, she frowned. "Leo Altman. He wants me to call him back." She turned halfway to look at Vivian. "Does the name ring a bell to you?"

"No," Vivian answered, busily typing away at her computer. "He´s not one of the witnesses or suspects we´ve questioned."

"Well," Sam sighed, reaching for her phone. "I´d better give him a call then."

As it rang, she leaned back in her chair, staring blankly ahead. Her mind was all over the place and she had difficulties concentrating on the matter at hand. She hated it. Not just because she could be a bit of a control freak, always attempting to keep everything together, but because she always prided herself on her professionalism. However, right now she could barely muster the energy to hold the receiver to her ear. It was pathetic and she felt pathetic that all she really wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and never emerge.

"Hello?"

Immediately straightening up, she felt relief that some of her professional demeanour returned. Maybe all she needed was work to distract her from the train wreck that was currently her life.

"Leo Altman? This is Special Agent Samantha Spade. You left a message asking me to call you?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The voice on the other end sounded young and a little pre-occupied. "I found your card in my uncle´s apartment and thought I should call."

"Your uncle being?"

"Jimmy CrowI mean, James Crowther."

"I see," Sam made a note. "And you felt you should call because?" Out of the corner of her eye, she sensed Vivian listening intently, trying to catch both ends of the conversation, so she hit speakerphone.

Leo Altman hesitated, and in the silence that followed, Sam heard the distinct sound of bowling pins being knocked over followed by enthusiastic cheering.

"Well," he finally said. "I heard about that missing woman and that you guys had spoken to Jimmy a couple of times, but I never really thought much about it until…"

"Until what," Sam encouraged, trying not to sound too impatient. It wasn´t his fault she wasn´t in the best of moods, but he was getting on her already jangled nerves nevertheless.

Again there was silence and she fought the urge to tap her pen impatiently on her desk. "Mr. Altman?"

"Look, do you think you could possibly come down here to talk? I´m at work and if my boss finds me yapping on the phone I´ll get in trouble."

Sam shared a look with Vivian, who nodded lightly, indicating she wouldn´t mind getting out of the office for a little while.

"Okay, Mr. Altman. Give me the address and we´ll be on our way."

After writing down the address, Sam hung up, swirling her chair around to completely face Vivian. "That´s unusual: a guy who´s worried about getting into trouble with his boss prefers having the FBI show up at his work place instead of just telling what he knows on the phone."

Vivian only shrugged as she saved the file she had been working on. "Who knows? Maybe it makes sense in his head. Okay." She rose, grabbing her coat. "I´ll tell Jack we´re heading out; meet you at the elevator."

Sam nodded in reply, secretly relieved she wouldn´t have to face him just now. She knew she would have to eventually, but the longer it could be postponed the better. Burying her face in her hands, she let out a tired sigh, wondering for the umpteenth time that day how she had managed to get herself into such a mess.

"_You slept with him."_

Unbidden, Martin´s hard, accusatory words flared through her mind and her head shot right back up. Gathering what she needed, she bit her lip hard, feeling like crying as she reminded herself that Jack wasn´t the only one she would have to face.

/-

Walking determinedly down the corridor, Martin finally spotted Jack outside one of the interrogation rooms in deep conversation with Danny. Absorbed in their talk, they didn´t notice him until he was right in front of them. He spoke up, not caring that he was interrupting, "Jack, I need to speak to you. In private."

Both looked up at him, mild surprise showing on Danny´s face and distinct exasperation on Jack´s. However, just as Martin had come to expect, a second later Jack revealed no trace of emotion as he turned to Danny. Speaking calmly he said, "Will you excuse us for a moment?"

"Sure," Danny answered readily, but his gaze was moving back and forth between the two of them, clearly aware something was off. "I´ll just go get some coffee."

Watching him walk away, Martin waited until Danny disappeared around the corner, then turned to Jack, about to speak, but was interrupted as Jack practically snapped, "In here."

Without a second glance, he strode into the empty interrogation room, clearly expecting him to follow and Martin clenched his fists so hard he felt his nails dig into his palms as he tried to keep his anger under control. Taking a shaky breath, he followed, closing the door forcefully behind him. Jack was leaning against the opposite wall, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, but seemingly in as much control as always. Only a certain tightness to his jaw gave him away, and it filled Martin with some sense of satisfaction finally to see a crack in Jack´s armour.

Starting to pace the room, Martin collected himself and his thoughts as much as he was able, forcing himself to be calm despite the hatred he felt towards the man before him. No matter what, Jack was still his boss and superior. Some lines just couldn´t be crossed and Martin knew he was dangerously close to doing just that.

"You just couldn´t help yourself, could you?" he spoke at length, throwing a disgusted glance at Jack as he continued to pace back and forth. "You saw your chance and you went for it. To hell with anyone else."

There was no reaction at first, then - to Martin´s utter surprise - Jack looked down and there was a slight pause before he inquired, "I gather you have spoken to Samantha?"

Martin stopped in his tracks. "You could say that." He crossed and uncrossed his arms a few times, not knowing what to do with his hands until he settled for burying them deeply into his pockets. Jack exhaled quietly and looked back up to meet Martin´s gaze, the look in his eyes sympathetic but unapologetic and Martin felt something snap inside him.

"You… you son of a bitch." He nearly choked on the words, feeling a strange sense of exhilaration to finally let go. He took a step forward. "You don´t give a shit about anyone but yourself, do you, Jack? You may have convinced yourself that you and Samantha share this great love, but where the fuck was that great love three years ago when you dumped her to go back to your wife?" Martin knew his voice was rising, but didn´t care. "If you´d been really serious about it, you would have taken the consequences back then and divorced your wife to be with her. But no, that´s not how the great Jack Malone wants it, is it? He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Isn´t that right? And now you just can´t stand the thought that maybe she could be happy with someone else. You want her unhappy and miserable, pining after you because that´s the only thing that will satisfy your big ego and sense of self-importance."

He had to take a breath before he could continue and Jack used the opportunity to push himself away from the wall, getting directly into Martin´s face, his voice even but clearly angry, "You don´t get to comment on me or my personal life, Martin."

"I do if it involves me."

Jack´s eyes filled with clear contempt. "You got it all figured out, don´t you? You´re this knight in shining armour who never makes a mistake, who always makes the right choice. Something us mere mortals can only dream about."

He paused abruptly and Martin knew Jack had been close to losing control himself. Appearing to rein himself back in, he then moved away a little, looking thoroughly at Martin for a long, tense moment. Martin stared right back at him, breathing rapidly as he felt the adrenaline race through his veins. This wasn´t over, not by a long shot.

Then something slowly changed. The look in Jack´s eyes, although difficult to read, seemed to slightly soften and when he spoke, his voice was quiet if a little strained. "I don´t know what Samantha has told you, but no matter what, I do know you have a right to be angry."

He hesitated, but never broke eye contact and Martin could tell he was making a decision and that everything inside him was rebelling against it. Still, it completely threw him when Jack said simply, "I´m sorry, Martin. I don´t expect you to accept my apology, but I want to give it to you nonetheless. However, what´s done is done, and there´s nothing I can do to change it."

Martin stared at him in disbelief, needing a moment before he could respond. "That´s not good enough."

"Maybe not," Jack conceded, a touch of steel now creeping into his voice. "But that´s all I´ve got to offer and that´s also the last I want to speak of this."

Stepping around him, Jack moved towards the door, but halted with his hand on the door handle to look back at him. "I know you want nothing more than to take a punch at me, Martin, and under different circumstances I would allow it. But this is the FBI. I´ve had enough dealings with OPR to last me a lifetime and you sure as hell don´t need to get suspended or fired for hitting your superior."

"I don´t need your concern," Martin spat out, furious at Jack and even more furious at himself as he remained rooted to the spot, somehow unable to move.

"No, but you have it anyway."

Despite his mind being clouded with anger, Martin knew instinctively that Jack meant it in a sincere way, but still it came off sounding more condescendingly than anything else.

Struggling for words, he finally managed to press out through clenched teeth, "You disgust me."

Jack watched him in silence for a moment, then nodded imperceptibly. "I´ll allow you that one, Martin. But just that one."

The statement was presented in a tone that left absolutely no room for argument.

"Can I trust you to operate professionally around Samantha and on the job?"

Staring into Jack´s dark, unblinking eyes, Martin suddenly felt himself deflate. He fought against it, desperately trying to hold onto his anger, but to no avail. The rush of angry emotions and adrenaline he had felt since Sam´s confession gradually drained out of him as he was struck with the realization that he couldn´t win. He just couldn´t win. Not with Jack and not with her. He couldn´t win and he never would. He had been a fool to ever think otherwise. Still, realizing it did nothing to diminish the pain that churned inside him. Looking away, so Jack couldn´t see his face, he gave a light nod.

"Can I trust you to operate professionally around me?"

He nodded again, wanting nothing more but for Jack to finally leave.

"Good."

Martin sensed Jack hesitate slightly as if wanting to say more, but to his relief he chose not to and only walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

/-

'Havin' A Ball' bowling alley was a rundown and filthy place, but the teenagers there didn´t seem to care and neither did the young man holding a broom absently, immerged in watching the activities before him.

"Ten bucks that´s our guy," Samantha remarked to Vivian, throwing a brief look down at the dirty floor in distaste as she felt its sticky surface beneath her shoes. "Guess he wanted us to come here because it would give him an excuse to do even less work."

"Perhaps," Vivian replied, eyeing the bowling teenagers. "Shouldn´t they be in school still?"

Before Sam could comment, the young man with the broom glanced over his shoulder, and, spotting them, quickly came over.

"Hey," he held out a hand. "You the feds?"

"Yes," Vivian replied as she reached out to shake his hand. "I´m Special Agent Johnson and this is Special Agent Spade. You spoke with her on the phone."

"No way!" Leo Altman gave Samantha an eager once over and she fought the urge to either roll her eyes or kick him in the shin - whichever came first. "You´re with the FBI?"

"Yes." She shook his hand, letting go as fast as she could while still being polite.

"But you could be like a model!"

"Mr. Altman, is there a place we can go to talk?" Vivian spoke up, sensing Sam´s patience rapidly coming to an end.

Leo gave Sam one last, lingering look, then turned to Vivian. "Yeah, sure. We can use Henry´s office; he won´t be back from the bar for another hour or so."

He led the way into a cramped and dingy office smelling strongly of stale smoke and beer. Pushing an overflowing ashtray out of the way, he sat down on the desk, watching as the agents closed the door behind them and turned to face him.

"Look," he began, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "I just wanna say that my uncle is a really great guy who´s done tons of good for me when nobody else gave a shit. He lets me stay at his place when Mom kicks me out and he helped me get this job and everything."

"We understand, Mr. Altman," Sam spoke tiredly, reaching into her coat to take out her notepad and pen, "but if you could please come to the point of having us come down here?"

"Okay-okay…" He glanced down for a second, then began to speak quickly, "Well, about a week or so ago, Jimmy was in a really bad mood. He was mad at that Harrison woman, said she accused him of taking money from her and that if he didn´t return it, she would report it."

"And?"

"And then he said that he was gonna prove she was wrong and have her apologize to him."

"He said that?" Vivian studied Leo closely and he shrugged uncomfortably. "Yeah, but you know… he didn´t mean anything by it; he was just pissed is all. I know my uncle; he´s not a violent guy."

"And yet you felt the need to contact us," Sam pointed out.

Leo Altman now looked very uncomfortable, having difficulties meeting their eyes. "Well, I kinda felt I had to with you guys holding onto him like that. I figured that maybe you knew something I didn´t and that it´d be best if I told you what he said. I don´t want to get into trouble, not even for him. Besides, my parole officer would kill me."

Vivian sighed. "Your parole officer?" They had been in such a rush to leave the office that they didn´t bother to check if Altman had a record.

"Yeah, I kinda ended up with the wrong crowd, and they tricked me into taking a few cars for a spin."

"I´m sure they did," Sam and Vivian spoke simultaneously, but Leo obviously didn´t catch the sarcasm from either one of them and only shrugged. "Well, shit happens, you know. I´m sure it won´t be a problem. I´ll probably go free since I´m innocent and all."

The two agents shared a look, then Vivian took a breath, turning back to him. "Now, what else can you tell us?"

/-

The entire floor was engulfed in darkness as Jack emerged from the elevator, only the occasional forgotten lamp left burning to light his way to his office. He had spent the last several hours confronting James Crowther with his nephew´s information, but the man had stubbornly refused to say anything other than he was innocent. Eventually, though, he reluctantly acknowledged that Deborah Harrison had mentioned something about money going missing, but that she never accused him of taking it. After that, he clamped down completely, settling for just scowling at them.

They had enough on him to keep him overnight, but Jack had grave doubts as to whether it would go much further. Everything was too circumstantial for his tastes, and although Crowther had seemed shaken that Leo Altman had spoken to them, Jack was convinced the man wouldn´t crack. The only way they would get any more information from him was if he decided to speak and that didn´t seem likely.

So all in all, it had been a bad day. It had started out so promisingly, though. Waking up with Samantha wrapped around him had been wonderful, and even though he had seen some reservation in her eyes when he left, he had felt confident it would all work out. Boy, had he been wrong. Between Sam laying down the law and the confrontation with Martin in the interrogation room, the day had gone from promising to a living nightmare and he couldn´t wait for it to be over. Of course, tomorrow would most likely turn out to be another nightmare, but he had brought it onto himself and he was going to have to deal with the consequences.

Eventually, Jack knew, this day, and the day tomorrow and the one after that, would begin to fade from his memory, but he also knew one thing that would never ever leave him.

The look in Samantha´s eyes when she told him goodbye.

He had thought he had known pain, but now he knew he was wrong.

Her eyes and parting words had haunted him all day and it had taken every ounce of his rigid self-control not to seek her out. Especially after his encounter with Martin when it became clear that something had transpired between the two of them that caused Martin to hunt him down.

He didn´t know what exactly what Sam might have told him, but judging from Martin´s reaction, it had been close to everything. He had felt guilty at first, but as the day dragged on with Samantha purposely avoiding him whenever she could and Martin´s stony silence, Jack just felt empty. He didn´t even have the strength to feel frustrated any more - frustrated because he knew she still had feelings for him, but had chosen to bury them.

Jack felt the onset of the pain that had been simmering just below the surface all day and steeled himself against it, already knowing it wouldn´t work. He had nothing left, and besides, he was alone; he didn´t have to keep up appearances any more. At last permitting himself to let go, he felt it all wash over him as he remembered how she clung to him in the night. How it felt to touch her again after so long of not being allowed to, how tenderly she kissed him back and how she smiled and reached for him when he told her how beautiful she was.

When he told her…

No, he hadn´t told her that.

Without conscious thought, he walked past his darkened office toward the bullpen, hoping against hope. But she was there. A single, small figure bent over some papers, the lamp on her desk barely providing her with enough light to read. Jack stopped to watch her, hating the slump of her shoulders and the defeated bend of her head.

He had all but told her that he wasn´t going to give up on her this time, but watching her like this, when she didn´t know she was being observed and didn´t have to put on a façade, his resolve faltered. He had caused her so much pain already. He knew what he wanted, but Sam had made a clear choice today and the only decent thing to do was to respect her wish.

He didn´t want to, but he had to. He owed her that much.

He wondered if this was how she had felt when he first told her it was over and she quietly accepted it without a fight. If her heart had been breaking the same way his now was.

"Sam?"

She stiffened instantly, but didn´t turn around and didn´t speak and he hadn´t expected her to.

He wanted nothing more than to go to her, to put a hand on her shoulder to comfort both her and himself, but he knew it would be a mistake. Instead Jack cleared his throat softly and spoke, "I want you to know that I´ll always be here for you, Samantha, no matter in what capacity you may need me. No matter what, know that you can always come to me with anything. I can learn to live without your love, but not without your friendship and your trust."

He heard his voice break with the last sentence and saw an answering tremor in her body, but decided to continue before he lost his nerve. "I don´t want to make this harder, but I may never get a chance to say this again."

He paused, his mind bombarding him with all the reasons he shouldn´t do this, but he simply pushed them away. They didn´t matter any more.

"I love you."

At first there was no reaction, then her head lowered just a little more.

"I love you, Samantha. I want you to know that. No strings attached, I just want you to know."

He watched her in silence as time went on, but she didn´t move again and the last sliver of hope finally left him. Swallowing convulsively, Jack felt a sting in his eyes, but when he spoke there was only the slightest touch of pain threading his voice. "Remember what I said. I will always be there for you if you need me."

Knowing he had to get away from her now, Jack started to leave, but paused when a near inaudible whisper reached him. "Thank you."

He nodded, but didn´t turn back round. Unable to face her any longer, he left without a backward glance.

TBC…


	11. chapter 11

A/N: Repeating myself; the kind reviews and words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!

/-

Continued from chapter 10

/-

89 HOURS MISSING

Friday morning arrived, but there was no particular excitement to see on the faces of the people seated around the conference table about the upcoming weekend. Deborah Harrison´s smiling face was staring down at them, and even Jack tried not to look too much at the whiteboard as each agent divulged whatever information they had left to share.

"So Crowther could be telling the truth," Danny explained as he glanced around, sounding somewhat disappointed. "Caroline White verified that her mother would occasionally have him drive her to the store whenever her hip was acting up. So that explains the presence of fingerprints and hair."

"So basically we got nothing?" Martin stated a little abruptly, his eyes on Jack.

Jack was looking pensively down at the floor and didn´t notice, so Danny continued, "Well, we still have Leo Altman´s statement, but that´s not-"

"Really worth much," Jack interrupted softly, looking back up. "All we got is his word and he didn´t strike you as the most upstanding citizen, did he?"

"No," Vivian shook her head. "He seemed very shifty to say the least, but of course, maybe that´s just the way he is."

Jack let out a low sigh, his gaze returning to the floor. "Right. Any ideas?"

Nobody spoke and Jack didn´t have to glance up to know they were all exchanging looks, hoping to hear something positive from someone. He sighed again. This morning it had taken an unusual amount of coffee to finally get his mind working in a way that at least resembled normalcy, but too many cobwebs still remained. Not that he was going to complain, as it was solely his own doing. He had stayed up too late the previous night, staring at old family photos and drinking, wondering when exactly everything in his life had become such a mess. It had been a very unprofessional thing to do, but he hadn´t been able to help himself. At least he did have enough presence of mind to drag himself into bed a little past 4 a.m., allowing him to catch a few hours of sleep before heading into the office. But with the way he was feeling, he figured he might as well not have gone to sleep at all.

"You don´t think it´s possible that James Crowther will speak?"

Jack looked up, meeting Samantha´s inquiring gaze, seeing nothing but quiet concern, and whether is was for him or Deborah Harrison he couldn´t tell. It hurt him in some strange way even though he knew it shouldn´t. It was to be expected. In fact, he guessed he should just be happy for her that she was holding up better than he.

"I doubt it. Besides, we´ll have to let him go soon."

"What if we-" Martin spoke up, but was interrupted by the ringing of Danny´s phone.

"Excuse me for a moment," Danny said as he rose and quickly walked to his desk to answer.

The remaining team members all sat in silence as they waited for the call to end, and Vivian was the only one not looking down or fiddling with a pen or styrofoam cup. Jack´s arms were crossed and his head bent as he desperately tried to focus his thoughts and come up with just one more person to question, or one more place to search, when he sensed someone looking at him. As always, he didn´t have to look up to know it was she. Straightening up, he casually looked her way. He fully intended it to be only a quick glance to gauge what was on her mind, but found himself caught up in her eyes just like so many times before.

It caught Sam off guard a little, he could tell, that he held her gaze and didn´t look away, but on the other hand, neither did she. He couldn´t really decipher the expression on her face, but as she continued to look directly into his eyes, he started to feel as if she was searching for something. Then slowly it dawned upon him what it might be. She was looking for some kind of confirmation of what he had said to her last night. He wasn´t sure if she was looking for confirmation of his feelings for her, or confirmation that things would indeed turn back to normal between them. However, sighing inwardly, he guessed it was probably the latter.

He didn´t know how to respond since they weren´t exactly alone, but then he realized that enough words had been spoken already. So instead, he gave her a quick little smile, hoping it would convey the right message - the message she wanted. She held his gaze a moment longer, as if she wasn´t quite convinced, then an answering smile showed very briefly on her face before she looked away.

"Okay, thanks." Danny´s voice brought Jack to reality and he turned to see him approach them, looking ambivalent to say the least. "Well, that was the police. They have located the body of an unidentified older woman matching Deborah´s description under a bridge. So far it looks like she´s been strangled. The forensics department is still at the scene and they have yet to establish if any further harm has been done to her."

A low, collective sigh was heard as they all simultaneously glanced at Deborah Harrison´s picture.

"All right," Jack spoke, sounding weary but determined as he ran a hand through his hair. "Sam and I will go to the scene. Viv, get a hold of the daughter; we´ll need her for a possible ID of the body. Danny and Martin, use what time there´s left to work on James Crowther. If the son of a bitch´s guilty, I don´t want him walking. If need be, tell him we have discovered evidence at the scene further implicating him and that he´d better start talking before we don´t need a confession from him."

They all nodded and set to work, Martin managing to only stare after Sam and Jack for a few seconds as they headed off together.

On the way to the elevator, Sam spoke quietly without looking at Jack, "You think it´s her, don´t you?"

"Yes," Jack pressed the button, not looking at her either. "Yes, I do."

/-

The coroner waited until he saw the slight nod of Caroline White´s head, then he carefully pulled away the sheet. She swallowed a few times and all colour left her face, then she nodded again.

"It´s her. It´s my mother."

Danny bit his lip; he hated this part of the job. He glanced at Martin standing beside him, looking just as solemn as Danny felt.

"She looks so peaceful," Caroline White whispered, reaching out to touch her mother´s face, but holding back just before actually making contact.

And in a way she did, Danny agreed. If you overlooked the fading bruising around her throat where the signs of strangulation were still visible, she looked peaceful. Eyes closed, the lines of her face relaxed, her brow almost free from the marks of age.

"Did…" Caroline White cleared her throat before turning to look at the patiently waiting coroner. "Did she… suffer before she died? I mean…"

He shook his head, knowing what she was asking. "I´ve only had a short time to examine your mother, Mrs. White, but so far the findings of the preliminary examination indicate that she suffered no further injuries than the one that caused her death."

Caroline White nodded as she took in his words, looking back at her mother. They all stood in silence for a moment, then Martin stepped over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder and speaking gently. "Let´s go, Mrs. White."

She didn´t speak, but just allowed herself to be escorted out of the room. The coroner sighed then pulled the sheet back over Deborah Harrison´s face.

"How long has she been dead?" Danny asked. Even though it technically wasn´t their case any more, as she had been found and NYPD would take over, he still wanted to know.

"Well," the coroner slipped off a pair of rubber gloves, throwing them into a bin before walking over to a sink to lather up his hands. "You said she went missing Monday afternoon? I´d say she was probably killed not long after that. She was dead Tuesday morning at the very latest."

"Okay," was Danny´s only reply. He never knew what to feel when they found someone they had been looking for dead and it became clear that the missing person had been dead pretty much from day one. It always brought Danny a kind of bitterness whenever he learned they had never stood an actual chance of finding them alive. Although he guessed it was better than finding them just one day or just one hour too late, but it didn´t make speaking to the grieving relatives any easier.

Nodding his goodbye, he left the chilly examination room and walked down the hall, spotting Martin leaning against the wall near a vending machine.

"Did Mrs. White leave?"

"Yes," Martin pushed himself away from wall. "A friend from work just picked her up to give her a ride home."

"Good." Danny consulted his watch as they walked toward the exit. "Wanna grab a bite to eat before going back to the office?"

"I´m not really hungry."

Danny nearly lost a step, looking at Martin with curiosity as he spoke with a smirk, "Well, there´s a first."

Martin only shrugged and Danny´s brow furrowed. Nobody ever liked to find a missing person dead. They had all been aware, though, what the most likely outcome would be for some time now, but Martin still seemed to be taking it hard. Of course, Danny suspected there was probably another reason for his partner´s glum expression, and on the way to the car, he debated with himself whether he should say anything or if it wasn´t best left alone.

Just because he was good at pretending nothing was going on around him, it didn´t mean he was oblivious to the shifting dynamics of the office. He had been tempted to say something, not to Samantha and most certainly not to Jack, but to Martin – perhaps a joking comment to break the ice. But now he knew the moment for jokes had passed.

Still undecided, he tossed Martin the car keys, knowing that when he was in a bad mood he preferred to drive to keep himself occupied. Danny didn´t mind; in fact, he kind of like being chauffered around.

They drove in silence for a couple of minutes, the traffic heavy but that was only to be expected. Waiting at an intersection for the lights to change, Danny finally made up his mind. Following the pedestrians rushing across the street in front of them, he spoke casually, "Been a long week, hasn´t it?"

"Yeah, I guess," was Martin´s only response.

"So, you doing anything interesting this weekend?"

There was silence for a moment, then, "No."

"I was thinking we could perhaps go watch a game or something? Or maybe go out and leave a string of broken hearts in our wake?"

Danny could sense Martin turn his head to look at him, but continued to stare straight ahead himself, tapping his fingers lightly on his thigh. The lights changed and Martin returned his attention to the road, but spoke quietly after a little while, "I know what you´re doing."

"What do you mean?"

Danny caught a faint smile on Martin´s face as he glanced at him.

"I mean that I know what you´re doing and it´s appreciated, it´s just…"

Danny hesitated, then just asked simply, "Too soon?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Danny finally turned to look directly at Martin. "But the offer stands, you know, for whenever."

Martin only nodded, but Danny could tell he had taken the words to heart. Silence fell between them again until Danny stated in a low voice, "It´s her loss."

Their eyes met in the rearview mirror and Danny saw a small, sad smile on Martin´s face, but he didn´t say anything and they drove the last miles back to the office without further conversation.

/-

"_Jack, far be it from me to question your decisions, but this just isn´t right."_

_Jack shot Samantha a sideways glance. "Far from? You do it all the time."_

"_I…" she hesitated and he could swear he detected a faint blush on her cheeks, but it could also be caused by the stuffy heat in the car._

"_It´s okay," he assured her, his tone of voice giving away his amusement. "I like it. Makes me think twice about things from time to time. That´s only helpful in this line of work."_

"_Well, then," she turned to him, giving him a pointed look accompanied by a softening smile, "in that case I really think you should have thought twice of taking that right turn back there. We´re clearly going in the wrong direction."_

"_Nonsense," he replied with a smile of his own. Turning the steering wheel slightly to avoid a pothole in the sandy road, he continued, "The local PD said this was the quickest route to Schiffer´s farm."_

"_Jack, face it, we´re lost. If we continue down this road, we´ll end up stranded in a desert somewhere."_

_A grin spread on his face by the exasperation in her voice. "In Connecticut? I don´t think so, Samantha. Besides, I´m a FBI agent; I never get lost." _

_She rolled her eyes at him, but was still smiling. "Yeah right. What is it with you men anyways? What´s so terrible about asking directions or even consulting a map?" _

_He held her gaze for as long as he dared while driving, enjoying the sparkle of humour in her brown eyes. "All right then," he began to pull over. "On behalf of my gender I shall try to redeem us all by looking at a map. But I´m telling you, this is the right direction." The car came to a stop on the soft grass alongside the road and he gave her another smile. "Happy now?"_

_She smiled right back at him. "It´s a start." Then she pulled a map out of the glove compartment and they both bent over it, trying to make out where they were._

"_I think we must be somewhere around here," she spoke, indicating a spot on the map with her finger, which Jack had to admit wasn´t exactly where they should be. While doing so, she brushed lightly against his hand that was trying to trail their way back to their last known position. The touch didn´t go unnoticed by either of them. It had happened a lot lately, these casual touches._

"_Yeah…" Jack spoke slowly, squinting a little and leaning closer because he was without his reading glasses. "I think you´re right. Guess we did make a wrong turn."_

"_You mean, **you** did?" Samantha´s comment was just as teasing as the look she gave him, but it changed slowly as he didn´t look away._

"_Jack?" There was more than one question in the way she said his name and he saw her swallow. _

_It was late August and the heat in the car was oppressive, especially since the air-conditioner had given up an hour ago. Both had discarded their jackets a long time ago. He was down to his shirt, tie loosened, and she a thin blouse, first two buttons unbuttoned, but it did little to make them feel more comfortable. From their close proximity, he could clearly see the light sheen of perspiration on her face and the hollow of her throat. Map forgotten, he continued to meet her gaze, not just because he felt unable to break it, but because he was afraid where his eyes might drift to next._

"_Guess I did." _

_His reply was inconsequential, but the husky timbre of his voice wasn´t and Jack snapped right out of the moment when he saw something pass in Samantha´s eyes. He straightened up and moved away from her. Staring ahead at the deserted country road, he tried to pretend his heartbeat hadn´t just picked up. He shouldn´t sound like that when speaking to a subordinate. In fact, he shouldn´t sound like that when speaking to anyone other than his wife._

"_Jack?" There was concern in her voice now. And confusion._

"_Damn, why is it so fucking hot in here," he spoke abruptly, flinging the car door open and getting out._

_Outside, Jack took a few steps away, keeping his back to the car while rolling his shoulders in a vain attempt to loosen up his painfully stiff muscles. He could smell the heavy foliage around him, but to him it was more stifling than invigorating. Filling his lungs with humid air, he heard the passenger door open followed by the sound of light footsteps in the gravel._

_Feeling the need to offer some kind of explanation, he half turned to her, expecting to see a question in her eyes, but she surprised him by only smiling faintly as she held out a bottle of water._

"_Here, it´s lukewarm to say the least, but you look like you could need it."_

"_Thanks." He accepted the bottle and drank greedily, emptying it before realizing she might would have liked something, too. _

"_Oh, sorry I-"_

"_It´s fine," she interrupted. "I´ve got another." They looked at each other for another moment, then she purposely broke eye contact by looking around. "It´s nice here, even if it isn´t where we´re supposed to be."_

_He let out a half laugh. "Yeah. At least you´re kind enough not to rub it in my face."_

_She just smiled slightly and shrugged, seeming to indicate she might change her mind about that later. Pulling out his cell phone to check for signal, Jack watched her as she walked to the side of the road to sit down into the grass. Stretching her legs out in front of her, she let her head loll back, sighing with pleasure as the warm sun hit her face. "Oh, this is so much better than being cooped up in that damn car."_

_Jack smiled at the sight. "Yeah well, don´t get too comfortable. We still have work to do."_

_Her eyes fell close as she groaned, "Spoilsport."_

_He didn´t reply, but just took in her reclined form, noticing how her leaning back was causing her blouse to ride up a little. Suddenly embarrassed, Jack realized he was staring and moved to stand with his side to her, dialing a number on his phone. He kept the conversation short, asking for a few directions and letting them know they would be about 45 minutes late. Closing the phone, he turned back to her and was disappointed to see she was already halfway on her feet._

"_I guess vacation time´s over," she complained good-humouredly. "Oh wait!" She reached down into the grass to pick something up. "Look." She held out a four-leaf clover as she walked over to him. "I haven´t found one of those for years."_

"_Gee, Sam, don´t tell me you´re superstitious? That´s the last thing I would have expected from you."_

_She stopped mid-step, a curious look crossing her face as she looked at him, but then it gradually changed into a soft smile and she closed the distance between them. "Here." She slipped the clover into his left shirt pocket and gave it a light pat. Looking back up into his eyes, she added quietly, "For luck."_

Jack stared at the clover finely preserved between the pages of the slightly dusty reference book he had needed to consult for the first time in ages. He had forgotten all about the clover. He had forgotten how it even ended up there. Did he place it there? With utmost care, he picked it up between his fingertips, amazed how that – despite all odds - it didn´t fall apart from his touch.

TBC…


	12. chapter 12

Continued from chapter 11

/-

If there was any place in this world Vivian didn´t feel the need to be on a Saturday noon it was the office. Yet, that was exactly where she was heading. However, it was only to be a brief visit, but years of experience still made her feel a little superstitious and she hurried down the corridor. She wasn´t on call, but occasionally that didn´t matter. Work had a way of sucking her in when she least expected or needed it.

Passing Jack´s office, she wasn´t the least surprised to see him sitting behind his desk. He was reading and judging from the disarray of the stack of files, he had been there for a while. Continuing to her own desk, Viv sighed inwardly. It had been bad enough when he was still married, always putting in extra hours despite his other commitments. But now when he didn´t have some other place to be, or people waiting for him, she was concerned that work would become his life even more than it had been before. There was no way that was healthy.

Opening a drawer, she spotted what she came for and quickly retraced her steps, only to come to a halt outside the doors to Jack´s office. Glancing at her watch, she sighed again. She didn´t really have time, but he was more than her boss. He was her friend. She gave a low knock and Jack looked up. He smiled a little distracted, but waved her in.

"Hey, Viv." He was already turning another page, his attention directed back at the folders before him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same, Jack," she replied pleasantly, sitting down in a chair in front of his desk.

"It´s Saturday," he spoke without looking up. "You´re not on call. You should be out doing…" He made a gesture that could mean pretty much anything. "Something. Something fun."

Vivian smiled despite herself. "And I will, Jack. I just stopped by to get the tickets for the boxing match I forgot here yesterday. Reggie and I are going."

"Good for you," Jack answered absently, making a note in the margin before turning another page. "Sounds like fun."

"Jack."

Her tone of voice finally made him look up.

"What?"

"Why are you here? You should be in Chicago with your girls, or at least home relaxing. The paperwork will still be here on Monday."

Jack looked at her for a moment, then took off his glasses. "Yeah, well," he spoke with a sigh. "Maria changed the plans in the last minute, so I´ll visit them next weekend instead. And about relaxing at home…" He gave her a smile, but it was a tired, feeble one that seemed more for her benefit than anything else. "You know me, Viv; I´ve never been very good at that. Figured I might as well go over the Deborah Harrison case again; see if I´ve missed anything."

"They let Crowther go?

"Yes. They didn´t have enough to keep him any longer."

They regarded each other in silence for a couple of moments, then Jack put his glasses back on and bent back over the papers. Vivian rose, "Don´t work too hard, Jack."

She walked to the door, but paused with her hand on the handle. She didn´t really have time for this either – Reggie was waiting for her downstairs - but another opportunity might not present itself. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to face him. "Jack, I know this isn´t any of my business, but is there anything going on between you and Samantha?"

He didn´t respond right away and when he did, he didn't raise his head to meet her eyes. "What makes you ask that?"

"Jack, I´m neither blind nor stupid," Vivian replied, trying not to sound exasperated that he was pulling his old evasive routine with her when he really should know better. "I´ve seen the way you´ve been looking at her and lately you could cut the tension in this place with a knife."

"You´re right; it isn´t any of your business."

"Jack, I´m your friend."

When she spoke like that it was her way of asking him to cut the crap and it normally worked, and she was glad to see this time wasn´t an exception.

He let out a long breath, removed his glasses again, and looked up. He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated and Vivian could tell he was making up his mind what to say. At last he spoke and she was unprepared for the resignation behind his words. "It´s okay, Viv. You don´t have to worry because nothing´s going to happen."

Vivian nodded slowly, accepting his reply, and then completely startled herself by hearing herself ask, "Why not?"

Jack smiled, but she knew him too well to miss the pain in his eyes. "Because she´s moved on."

She studied him closely, surprised that he was letting her. She had received the answer she wanted, and she didn´t doubt the truth of it. It was written all over his face. And yet, she didn´t feel any more at ease - quite the contrary. Something she had suspected all along, but never known for sure was revealed to her. But the revelation only filled her with sadness.

"You really did love her," she stated matter-of-factly.

He held her gaze for a few seconds, neither confirming nor denying her statement. Then he looked down and Vivian knew the conversation was over. She wanted to say something. She didn´t know what - perhaps that she was sorry - because to her surprise she realized she was. She didn´t approve then, and she didn´t now, but she actually was sorry. However, she sensed that Jack would rather she didn´t say anything.

Pushing open the office door, she just said, "I´ll see you Monday."

"Yes." He didn´t even glance up. "Have fun at the match."

Vivian stalled for one more second without really knowing why and then left without looking back. Her son was waiting.

/-

Placing the box under one arm, Martin used the other to knock twice on the door. Almost instantly he heard footsteps approach, pausing right on the other side of the door, and he knew she was checking through the peep-hole to see who it was. For a second, he wondered if she would tell him to go, but then he heard the sound of the security chain being removed followed by the unlocking of the door, and she opened it fully.

"Martin?"

Her face was one big wary question mark, so he said quickly, "I´m not here to pick a fight, Sam. I just wanted to give you this." He held out the small cardboard box he had brought. "It´s just some things you left at my place: a t-shirt, CDs, shampoo, stuff like that."

She accepted the box without a word, looking briefly at the content before looking back at him. Her face still guarded she said, "You could just have thrown this out, Martin. You didn´t have to go through the trouble of giving it back. It´s hardly worth the effort."

He shrugged, despite knowing the truth of her words. "It was no trouble." He almost added that he just happened to be in the neighbourhood, but realized the joke would fall flat.

Neither moved nor spoke for a moment, then Sam sighed and asked quietly, "Why are you here?"

Martin hesitated before speaking with complete honesty, "I don´t know."

And it was the truth; he really didn´t. He didn´t know if he was there because he wanted to see her, and returning her things had seemed as good an excuse as any, or if he was there to provoke some kind of reaction from her. She had pretty much been avoiding him at work and it made him feel both relieved and angry in a way he couldn´t fully explain. He both wanted her to leave him alone and to seek him out to explain and to apologize. And, of course, there was the fact that deep down, something he barely wanted to acknowledge to himself, he wanted her to admit her mistake and ask if they could start over.

Those conflicting emotions were what had brought him to her doorstep, but as he stood there, looking into her eyes, he was no closer to deciding which one was the more dominant.

She must have read the conflict on his face because she averted her eyes for a few seconds, then asked, "Do you want to come in?"

He did and he didn´t. Undecided, he searched her face, trying to find the reason behind her asking. Guilt? Pity? Affection of some sorts? Then he realized it didn´t matter.

"It´s not going to change anything, is it?"

At first Martin thought she either hadn´t heard him or understood what he was saying, but then she shook her head slowly while looking him straight in the eye.

He allowed himself one last look before turning around and walking away. He hoped that in time the realization would eventually bring him some peace. The realization that accepting her invitation would not change the fact that she had slept with someone else. It wouldn´t undo that she had hurt him on a level no other woman had managed before. It wouldn´t change how angry or devastated he felt. It wouldn´t make his painfully ambivalent feelings for her diminish. And it most certainly wouldn´t change the fact that as long as Sam was unwilling or unable to let go, there was room for no other man in her life than Jack Malone.

Descending the stairs, he wondered if Samantha had realized that last bit herself.

He almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

/-

Even though Jack had decided to heed Vivian´s advice and stay home, Sunday still found him striding down the corridor of the office. Waking up that morning he had had the best intentions and actually managed to spend two hours reading the newspaper and drinking coffee before he got bored. He called Chicago twice, hoping to speak with his girls, but there was no answer. After that he spontaneously decided to visit his father and stayed there for about an hour, leaving only when they began to get on each other´s nerves. With still half a day to kill, he had briefly considered going to the movies, but discarded the idea since he knew he had too much on his mind to really concentrate. Eventually, he just gave up and drove to work, knowing it was what he had wanted to do all along.

It did occur to him that it was somewhat pathetic that he didn´t have much of life outside work, but decided not to dwell on it. Lately, he found that the less introspection he did, the better.

He had been working diligently on old files for a couple of hours when he was called back to reality by the sound of heels clicking on the floor. Looking up, he half expected to see Vivian come to read him the riot act for spending yet another day at the office, but instead he spotted Sam. Lost in thought, she didn´t notice him at first and it was only when she – almost as an afterthought – passed his office and threw a glance in his direction that she saw him. She hesitated, then pushed the door halfway open.

"Hey."

"Hey." Out of habit, Jack removed his glasses. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," she spoke dryly, smiling briefly, "probably the same as you."

He acknowledged the truth of her words with a small smile of his own. A few seconds passed, then she said, "I´ll be at my desk if you need anything."

"Okay."

He followed her with his eyes as she made her way to the bullpen, taking off her coat and switching on her lamp and computer. Retrieving some files, she sat down, not at her desk but at the conference table, preferring to spread the papers out for a better overlook. She was quickly absorbed in her reading, appearing oblivious to anything else, but Jack knew he should look away soon, or she would inevitably sense his gaze on her. Yet knowing that, he was still unable to tear his eyes away and he sighed softly to himself. Going back to perceive her only as a friend and co-worker was going to be just as hard as he had expected. Friday had been tolerable because the discovery of Deborah Harrison´s body had distracted him from his own personal problems. And when faced with Caroline White´s grief, those personal problems had seemed nothing but petty in comparison. But now- before he could finish the thought, Sam made as if she was going to glance up and he quickly looked down. Remaining frozen in that position for a moment, he eventually looked up, unsure to feel relieved or disappointed when he found that she wasn´t looking his way.

He wondered what she was doing there on a Sunday afternoon. Samantha was as conscientious an agent as he could wish for, and she often stayed late during the week, but he felt it was wrong that a young and vibrant woman like her should be spending her free time at work. A part of him couldn´t help but entertain the hope that perhaps she was there because she had wanted to see him, but the rationalist in him knew that was only wishful thinking. She was there solely because she wanted to catch up on paperwork and not because she wanted to be around him. She couldn´t even have known he was going to be there.

Sighing again, Jack tried to get his mind back to work, but found himself distracted, his eyes continually darting to where she was sitting. Fortunately for him, she never once raised her head and caught him looking, and Jack started to think that perhaps it meant she knew exactly what he was doing.

Shaking his head in frustration, he tried to regain his focus by telling himself how ridiculous he was being - acting like a high school student sneaking glances at the prettiest girl in class. He knew it was impossible for his feelings for her to change overnight, but at least he could try to make an effort not to make her uncomfortable being alone with him. With that, he found new resolve to get back to work, as it would help take his mind of Samantha. However, five minutes later his mind began to wander again as another thought struck him.

Martin. Was she still with him? Were they trying to work it out or had they called it quits? He had noticed tension between the two the last couple of days – hell everybody had – but that was only to be expected if she had indeed done what Jack suspected and told Martin what had happened. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to know if she was still seeing him, and if not, whether it was her decision or Martin´s.

His pen paused in the air while Jack stared blankly at the paper, the note he had begun to make completely forgotten. He really wanted to ask her, but knew without a doubt that that would be a surefire way to completely destroy the foundations of their currently tremulous relationship. Besides, he knew he would find out sooner or later; things like that were never a secret for long. Unfortunately, Jack also knew that he was going to have a very hard time not obsessing over it till he did.

Of course, if Sam and Martin weren´t seeing each other after work any more, whose decision that was wasn´t really important since it wasn´t going to change anything for him. However, he didn´t care. He still wanted to know.

His thoughts beginning to run in circles, he was greatly relieved as his cell phone started to ring. Checking the display, he knew he had seen the number before, but didn´t recognize it until he answered and heard Caroline White speak in a strangely high-pitched voice, "Agent Malone?"

He paused, putting down his pen in surprise. "Yes?"

"I´m so sorry to disturb you," she spoke in a hurry, "but I still have your card and I didn´t know what to do and-"

"It´s okay, Mrs. White," Jack interrupted mildly, curious as to why she was calling, but not minding the interruption at all. In fact, he welcomed it. "What can I do for you?"

"It´s Erick."

"Your son?"

"Yes. He´s gone missing!"

Several minutes later, Jack hung up. He stayed in his chair for a moment, a small frown on his face, then he rose, grabbed his coat and walked out of the office.

"Hey, Sam, are you busy?" he asked casually as he approached her.

"Well… yes," she answered absently, rearranging some photographs in front of her before looking up. "But it´s nothing that can´t wait until later. Why?"

"Because I´ve just spent the last five minutes on the phone with a frantic Caroline White, who has convinced herself her son´s gone missing."

"Missing?" Sam raised an eyebrow, regarding him somewhat skeptically.

"Yes. He went out to see some friends this morning, but promised he would be back in time for lunch. But he never showed up and he hasn´t called her either." Jack consulted his watch. "So he´s been gone for about seven hours now."

She leaned back in her chair, not looking particularly alarmed. "So that makes him what? Four hours late for lunch? Sure, it´s annoying, but he´s a teenage boy, Jack. It´s hardly an indication of his having gone missing."

"I know," Jack admitted with a sigh. "But considering what happened to her mother, I understand why Caroline White would expect the worst and-"

"And you already promised her you would come see her, didn´t you?" Sam interrupted, giving him a faintly amused smile. "Even though there´s absolutely nothing to suggest that something´s amiss."

Jack shrugged, a sheepish grin spreading on his face. "You know me too well."

She didn´t respond at first and her gaze turned speculative as she studied him, then she nodded slowly, almost as if to herself, "Yes, I do."

They looked at each other in silence for a moment and Jack almost asked her what she was thinking, but managed to stop himself. It was questions and impulses like that he had to avoid from now on. It had been okay in the past, but now he knew it would be inappropriate. As innocent as the question may seem, he knew it wouldn´t appear that way to either of them. So he remained silent, feeling both surprised and strangely pleased when he saw something akin to disappointment in her eyes. However, he didn´t have time to examine it further as she glanced down briefly and when she met his eyes again, the expression was gone.

"So," she spoke lightly, "you want me to come along?"

"If you don´t mind?"

They both knew that technically there was no reason for her to accompany him. It wasn´t something he couldn´t handle by himself and she still had paperwork to do.

With only the slightest pause, she answered, "Not at all. Anything to get out of the office."

"Okay. Finish up what you have here and I´ll go get the elevator."

"I´ll be right there."

As Jack walked away, he felt her gaze at his back as clearly as if were a physical touch.

TBC…


	13. chapter 13

A/N: Special thanks go out to all the good folks at Maple Street. Not only do your responses kick ass, but it´s so good to find people as obsessive as myself! And in case I don´t mention it enough, Diane, you rock as a beta!

/-

Continued from chapter 12

/-

"Do you want to drive?"

Sam shook her head, occupied with tearing open a bag of peanuts with her teeth and holding onto her bottled water and chocolate bar. "No." Her answer was muffled but discernible and Jack nodded, taking back the offered keys.

"Okay." He watched her as she suddenly ripped the bag open, spilling half of the content on the ground. Grinning as she swore, he opened the passenger door for her. "Well, I can see why I should drive; you´re clearly occupied."

His obvious amusement caused Sam to send a small glare his way. "I´m hungry! This was all the vending machine had left. It´s not my fault if the manufacturers get an evil kick out of making these things indestructible."

"Of course," Jack replied wryly, stepping around the car to get into the driver´s seat. "It´s a conspiracy created to get us to buy more than we really need because we lose half of it."

"Oh, shut up." Sam rolled her eyes, but her tone of voice took the sting out of her words and she got into the car herself without further accident. "How much coffee have you had today?"

Jack smiled. "Just enough. Okay, let´s get going. Mrs. White must be getting impatient." However, he didn´t start the car to drive out of the garage before he had captured a handful of Sam´s peanuts despite her ardent protests. He wasn´t too concerned, though, as she was smiling as she did so.

Finishing off her chocolate bar in a few quick bites before Jack could get any ideas, Sam then took a few gulps of water to rinse her mouth. Having quelled the worst of her hunger caused by not having had any appetite when waking up and later forgetting lunch, she asked offhandedly, "So, would you still be going to see Caroline White if you had found her mother alive?"

Jack didn´t reply at first, needing to concentrate to find an opening in the traffic, but then he spoke, "Are you saying I´m doing this out of guilt?"

Sam smiled ruefully to herself, having her suspicions confirmed. Turning her head to look out of the window, she just said quietly, "Well, you know it´s not your fault."

"I know," came his automatic response and like all the times before, he failed to convince either of them that he truly meant it. "In any case," he continued shortly afterwards, "it can´t hurt to check what´s going on. If Erick White has really gone missing, it may be linked to his grandmother´s disappearance."

"Hmm." Sam turned to look at him. "Do you really believe that?"

"Look," Jack shot a quick glance at her and he surprised her by sounding just a little terse. "If you think this is a waste of time, you don´t have to come. I can drop you off at your place and continue on my own. It´s not a problem."

"Hey…" She held up her hands in order to mollify him, waiting to speak until their eyes met. "You know that´s not what I meant. I was just bouncing thoughts off of you. We do that all the time."

It was unintentional - at least that´s what Sam told herself - but there was just enough of reproach in her tone to make his grip on the steering wheel tighten. Berating herself, she sighed inwardly. Five minutes in a car alone together and things were already getting out of hand. This was ridiculous. She hadn´t meant anything by what she was saying and she instinctively knew he was aware that he had overreacted. It didn´t bode well for the future if that was all it took to get them up in arms.

She should have known better than to go along with him when he asked. It was still too soon. Perhaps she had been naïve, but she had been eager to prove to both him and herself that they could do this - that they could be friends again. Jack had taken the first step when he told her he would back down, and she had felt the least she could do was meet him halfway, letting him know she accepted and appreciated the gesture.

The thought made her reach out and she briefly touched his shoulder, but long enough for her to feel it tense. "Hey," she spoke soothingly, smiling even as Jack´s subconscious rejection hurt her, but she didn´t allow herself to dwell on it. "Let´s rewind. I think that we have both probably had too much coffee."

He didn´t turn toward her, but she could see a small smile tug at the corner of his lips and he nodded in agreement when he answered, sounding almost relieved, "Yes. Let´s."

He didn´t speak further and Sam understood her offer of truce was accepted. A relative companionable silence fell between them, both their minds drifting off but in strangely similar directions. However, where Jack had the traffic to occupy him as well, Sam only had her own thoughts to keep her busy. Growing rapidly more frustrated and exasperated with herself, she eventually had to find a fixed spot on the dashboard, keeping her gaze firmly on it to avoid her eyes straying in Jack´s direction. Hoping to disguise her restlessness, she struck up a bit of mindless conversation, and Jack answered readily enough, but only too soon they slipped back into silence.

Sam felt very tired all of a sudden. It was hardly surprising as she had very little sleep the last couple of nights, and when she did sleep, the dreams she had prevented her from waking refreshed. All her dreams were pretty much about Jack. Some resembled fantasies and others were closer to that of nightmares, and what she really hated when waking up in the morning was that she never knew which left her feeling the most unsettled.

It wasn´t fair she decided. In the past she had gone to bed troubled by the fact that she didn´t know what she meant to him. Now she went to bed troubled by the fact that she did.

It wasn´t going to change anything, though. There had simply been too much pain. Every time she felt her resolve weaken, she focused on that. She would probably always love him in some way, but never again. Not when half her memories of him lately seemed to be invariably tied up with someone getting hurt. Maria. Martin. Jack. Herself.

Sam stared unblinkingly at the dashboard, a bleak, humourless smile flickering across her face. She had to give him credit. First he broke her heart by leaving her, then he broke it again by telling her he loved her. Nobody had ever done that before.

"What´s so funny?"

Jack´s quiet question pulled her out of her reverie and she panicked for a moment searching for a reply. "Oh, nothing really." She decided that meeting his eyes would be more convincing than continuing to look away, so she smiled carelessly, hoping she looked calmer than she felt. "Just some old joke I remembered."

She instantly regretted her mistake, but to her relief Jack didn´t ask her to elaborate. He only held her gaze for a second or two, then smiled himself before returning his attention to traffic. "Okay."

Leaning her head back against the headrest, Sam closed her eyes, deciding it was the best course of action to take for the moment. It shouldn´t really have surprised her. But for years she had been in the habit of being in denial of pretty much everything related to Jack Malone and lying to herself had become frighteningly easy.

The sad truth was, she now realized, that despite her resolve she still had no idea how to be friends with him. However, she also knew that at the end of the day that didn´t really matter. She had no choice; for her own sanity´s sake, she had to learn. If Jack could make the effort, so could she. Maybe eventually pretence would turn into reality.

Eventually.

/-

Caroline White met them at the door and it appeared as if she had been standing there for a while, waiting for them to arrive.

"Thank you so much, Agent Malone, for coming here," she repeated again and again as she led them into her living room. "And you, too, Agent Spade." She turned briefly to Samantha before looking back at Jack. "I know it´s a Sunday, and I know Erick has only been gone for a short time, but I have this bad feeling. He´s been acting so strange ever since…" Caroline White swallowed, but then continued only to falter again, "well, since my mother…"

"It´s only natural for him to be upset," Sam commented sympathetically as she took a seat next to Jack on the couch. "To lose his grandmother and in such a horrible way, it would be devastating for anyone."

"Yes," Caroline White answered, beginning a short pace of the living room in an attempt to calm down. "It´s just… I´m a trained nurse and I have witnessed people in grief more times than I care to remember. I´ve seen the denial, or the shock or the anger, but Erick…" She stopped pacing to face the two agents who were listening patiently. "Erick- when he heard you had to let Mr. Crowther go, he blew up and began throwing things around."

"It´s still an understandable reaction," Jack spoke, echoing Sam´s earlier sentiment and they shared a knowing glance. In their line of work, both had felt like throwing things around on more than one occasion in the past.

Caroline White nodded, but it didn´t really seem like she had taken in the information. "Yes, yes, I know, but this morning… I mean, he went to bed all upset and angry, but this morning when he woke up, he acted like nothing was wrong. In fact, he was calmer and quieter than he has been for ages. He left saying he would go visit some friends, but that he would back, but he still hasn´t returned. I´ve called everybody, even that girlfriend of his, but she claims she hasn´t seen him for days."

Jack exhaled quietly and pulled out his notepad and a pen. Looking into Caroline White´s wide open and desperate eyes, he tried to ask his question as gently as possible. "Mrs. White, do you think there´s a chance that Erick might have done anything to himself?"

She visibly blanched, but Jack could tell that he wasn´t asking her anything she hadn´t been asking herself already. "I don´t know." It was a near whisper. "I know he loved her very much, but I never thought… I never…" Her eyes began to water and she wiped furiously at the tears, but they kept coming.

Jack rose, searching a few pockets before producing a handkerchief which he offered the sobbing woman. "It´s okay, Mrs. White, nothing is certain. I just had to ask." Putting a slightly hesitant, but then more comforting hand on her shoulder, he glanced back in direction of the couch. "Sam, go have a look at Erick´s room. See if you can find anything that might give us a hint where he is."

"Okay," Sam nodded, instantly getting to her feet.

"That´s okay, isn´t it?" Jack spoke again, turning back to Caroline White.

"Of course, it is. It´s up the stairs, first door to the left. But I´ve already looked and I didn´t find anything."

"Well," Jack replied, gently leading her over to sit down where he had just sat, his eyes momentarily following Samantha as she disappeared upstairs. "Maybe Agent Spade can find something you have overlooked. It´s her job after all." He pulled over a chair and sat down across from her. Flipping over a page, he began to ask Caroline White more questions, dutifully writing down her responses.

Apparently, she hadn´t been able to really talk about Deborah Harrison´s first disappearance and now death with her son. Erick White had closed up every time and either become hostile or sullen, and Caroline White had to admit that she had been too upset herself to press him. He didn´t cry when he received the news of her death, but just froze somehow, like he was in shock, and he had remained that way until he suddenly lost it and started trashing up his room. That had been Saturday night, but Sunday morning he acted like it never happened, and he refused to answer any of her questions, only saying he was fine. However, when he had left, he had briefly hugged her and told her he loved her, and because that was so out of character for him, she was getting more and more convinced that something was horribly wrong.

"Or maybe he just wanted to tell you? Losing someone you love reminds you not to take anyone for granted."

"Maybe," Caroline White admitted and Jack could tell that she really wanted to believe him. "But I just-"

"Jack! Can you come here for a second?" Samantha´s voice rang down from upstairs and Jack rose.

"I´ll be right back, Mrs. White." He stepped forward, giving her shoulder a light squeeze then walked up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

Walking into Erick White´s room, he spotted Sam standing at the desk, the top drawer open. "Yes?"

"Look." She turned to show what she had found and he reached out, taking the crumpled paper from her hand. "It´s a flyer," she explained as he studied it, "for 'Havin' A Ball' bowling alley.

Jack looked up to meet her eyes. "That´s the place where Leo Altman, Crowther´s nephew, works."

"It could just be a coincidence," Sam offered and Jack knew it was more for the sake of argument than because she actually believed it.

"Could be." Jack gazed at the flyer in his hand again, conscious of Samantha´s eyes on him. "Did Erick White or Leo Altman ever mention whether they knew each other?"

"No."

"Did anyone ever ask?"

"Vivian did. She asked Altman whether he had met Deborah Harrison or Erick or Caroline White, and he said he didn´t know any of them. And when I spoke to Erick White, he didn´t list Altman as one of his friends."

Jack nodded thoughtfully, mulling it over in his head as he tried to remember the statements made by the two young men. Not recalling them exactly, he pushed it away for and now and looked back at Sam. "Did you find anything else?"

"No." She glanced around the room as if to make sure. "Nothing I believe is relevant."

"Okay." Jack began to make his way towards the door and Sam followed closely behind. "Let´s go ask Mrs. White if she has ever heard the name Leo Altman."

As they reached the stairs, Jack held back to let Samantha descend first and when she passed him, he only just prevented himself guiding her with a hand on the small of her back.

/-

"I´m sorry for calling you in on a Sunday night, but we have had some development in the Deborah Harrison case."

"Development?" Martin and Danny asked simultaneously, both looking skeptically at their boss. "In what way?" Martin inquired as Danny straightened up a little in his chair. "I thought we closed that one. Did James Crowther confess?"

"No," Samantha spoke softly, meeting Martin´s eyes for a moment before shifting her gaze to Danny. "But Jack received a call from Caroline White a couple of hours ago. She was worried her son had gone missing as well. As a courtesy…" Sam glanced at Jack who was standing silently beside her. "We decided to pay her a visit and listen to what she had to tell."

"While there," Jack continued the second Sam left off, "we found this." He handed the flyer to Danny, who studied it intently before passing it on to Martin. "Caroline White is adamant that she´s never heard about Leo Altman and she´s sure her son doesn´t know him either."

"Of course, it wouldn´t be the first time a teenager keeps something from a parent." It was Sam´s turn to speak again. "Also Erick White having the flyer does not necessarily suggest a connection between the two."

"But?" Martin asked impatiently, wanting them to get to the point before they began to actually finish each other´s sentences.

Jack turned to him, speaking calmly, "But when we went to the bowling alley, Leo Altman was nowhere to be found even though the manager said he should have been working. We visited his mother as well, but she says she hasn´t seen him for days. We tried to speak to James Crowther as well, but he wasn´t home."

"It could all be just one big coincidence," Martin objected, knowing he sounded a little defiant but not really caring.

"Possible," was Jack´s only reply and he looked at his watch. "Okay, Danny and Martin, I want you two to question Erick White´s girlfriend and all of his friends. Here are the names." He handed another piece of paper to Danny, who glanced at it quickly before looking back at Jack. "Find out all you can. Don´t be afraid to lean on them. Sam and I will be heading back to James Crowther´s apartment and wait for him there. He might know where Leo is, or maybe Leo will even show up as he has stayed there before. Any questions?"

"Just one," Danny spoke up with a grin. "Where´s Viv? Why do Martin and I get to have all the fun?"

Jack smiled briefly. "I decided to let her have a quiet evening with her family for a change."

"Great, just take advantage of the single men who have nothing better to do," Danny complained with mock indignation, but his grin faded slowly as he noticed the looks shooting between the three other people in the room. Thinking fast, he spoke again, drawing their attention back to him. "Actually, I have one more question. Erick White - are we thinking that he had something to do with what happened to his grandmother? Or is his possible disappearance unrelated? And what about Altman´s role?"

Jack turned to Samantha and it looked like a soundless exchange passed between them. It didn´t last long, but long enough for Danny to sense Martin´s growing discomfort next to him.

"For now we´re keeping an open mind," Samantha began, keeping eye contact with Jack for a moment longer than strictly necessary before looking at Danny and Martin, "and treating this like any other case. Let´s wait until we find either Erick or Leo before we jump to too many conclusions."

"Okay." Martin got to his feet abruptly. Suddenly the air in the office felt suffocating and he couldn´t wait to get out. "If that´s it, I think Danny and I should get started."

Danny sighed world-wearily, getting to his feet as well. "No rest for the wicked."

"Keep in touch," was Jack´s last instruction as the two agents headed for the elevator and Danny raised his hand and gave a small wave over his shoulder without looking back. "We will, we will."

Waiting for the elevator to arrive, Martin half listened to Danny´s friendly chatter about his weekend when a sudden notion struck him. Before he had time to change his mind, he said quickly, "I forgot something, I´ll be right back."

Without waiting for a reply, he left the surprised Danny behind and walked determinedly back toward the bullpen. It was a crazy compulsion, but he just had to know. Stopping the moment they came into sight, he held back, not wanting them to notice him. Not that there was much chance of that. They were standing close together in deep conversation, their heads bent over a file Jack was holding. Silently observing them, Martin didn´t know what he had expected to find, if anything. It wasn´t a scene he hadn´t witnessed hundreds of times before.

Feeling foolish, he was just about to turn away when he saw what he had unknowingly been looking for. He felt his jaw clench as he watched Sam raise her hand to indicate something they were reading, but instead of letting it drop back down, she placed it lightly on Jack´s shoulder, leaning closer for a better look.

_She doesn´t even realize she´s doing it._

He had no way of knowing, not really, but Martin knew deep within himself it was the absolute truth. There was nothing deliberate about the touch, it was a subconscious gesture and somehow that made it so much worse.

_She doesn´t even realize…_

It wasn´t until he and Danny arrived at the home of Erick White´s girlfriend that Martin temporarily managed to stop tormenting himself with what else Samantha might not realize.

TBC…


	14. chapter 14

Continued from chapter 13

/-

Raising his head, Jack spotted Samantha exit the elevator at the far end of the corridor and walk toward him, carrying a styrofoam cup in each hand.

"Sorry," she spoke as she reached him, handing him one of the cups. "This is the best I could do, but drink it at your own risk. All the decent places have closed."

Glancing at his watch, Jack sighed, accepting the offered cup. "Well, at this hour I´m impressed you managed to get your hands on any coffee at all." He took a sip, cringing. "If you can call this coffee."

Releasing a low chuckle, Sam sat down on the floor beside him. "Don´t say I didn´t warn you." She took a sip herself and made a disgusted face. "Coffee? More like battery acid."

"And you would know how?" Jack inquired with a small grin, then added, "Never mind, I don´t want to know."

Sam just shot him an enigmatic smile over the brim of her cup, swallowing down more coffee and with another sigh, Jack followed suit.

It was long past midnight and they had been waiting in the corridor outside James Crowther´s apartment since late evening. They had banged on the door long and loudly enough to rouse the attention of several of his neighbours, and one of them had been able to tell that he had left earlier in the day. However, Jack had decided he wasn´t leaving without having spoken to the man, so they had camped down on the floor, killing time with mindless chatter, heavily contested games of battleships and the occasional phone call from Danny to get them up to speed with the questioning of Erick White´s girlfriend and friends. Of course, by now both Danny and Martin were sound asleep, and Sam and Jack had been left to their own devices fighting both boredom and fatigue with increasingly bad jokes and cups of weak coffee from the nearby diner.

Both having finished their coffee, there was a moment of silence before Sam spoke, "Do you remember Mrs. Thompson in 3B from earlier? I think she thought us crazy sitting out here." She debated mentally with herself for a few seconds, then kicked off her shoes, her jacket already discarded hours earlier. "She looked like she wanted to call the cops on us."

Jack, who was also down to his shirt, leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. The faintly flickering night lighting in the corridor was dim to say the least, casting interesting shadows on both them and the wall. Following one displayed across the ceiling, he replied wryly, "To be fair, I think we´re crazy, too, but we need to find Leo Altman and Crowther´s the best chance we have." He looked down again, turning slightly to look at her and speaking with a smile, "You could have gone home, you know. You didn´t have to stay as well."

"Ah…" Sam just shrugged, staring absentmindedly at the opposite wall. "By the time I would´ve gotten home it would be too late for me to get much sleep anyway. Besides, it´s not like I have anything better to do."

Jack only nodded, not finding a better response. Soon he too was staring at the opposite wall as if the cream-coloured wallpaper was the most fascinating sight ever. His mind began to drift and he felt his eyelids grow heavy despite the amount of coffee he had had when Samantha´s voice brought him right back.

"Um… Jack. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he turned to her, but she was still looking ahead.

"Did…" she hesitated, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye before continuing. "Did Martin ever say anything to you?"

"About what?"

That at last made her turn her head to face him and she stated in a weary voice, "You know what."

And he did. He had just wanted her to say it out loud. Seeing the look in her eyes, however, Jack decided to keep it light. Sending her a smile he hoped came across as mellow, he answered as honestly as possible, "He might have said a thing or two. Nothing serious."

Sam stared at him, her eyes widening as a flush spread on her cheeks, and Jack wondered if she had always been able to read him that easily. "Oh my God!" She buried her face in her hands for a moment before looking back at him. "I´m sorry, Jack. I never meant for anything like that to happen."

"I know," he spoke soothingly and even though he felt her plight, he couldn´t help but be vaguely amused by her mortified expression. "I can handle Martin just fine. Besides…" He shrugged. "It´s not like I didn´t deserve it."

"I should have told him not to take it out on you."

Jack acknowledged her words with another shrug. "Maybe, but I doubt it would have made much of a difference. In any case, Martin needed to get some stuff off his chest and now he has. It´s probably for the best in the long run anyway."

She looked at him, unconvinced, and Jack´s first impulse was to reach out to her, but he held back and instead spoke with as much sincerity as he could muster. "Relax, Sam; it´s okay. No harm done. Martin will get over it, and as far as I´m concerned, nothing ever happened. The slate´s clean."

"You won´t hold anything against him?"

Jack half smiled, hoping to cheer her up. "No more than I usually do."

It worked, as she gave him a pale smile in return. "Okay." She searched his eyes for a little while longer as if to make absolutely sure, then leaned her head back against the wall. Gazing upwards, she sighed quietly and said, "I guess it´ll all get easier with time."

It was more rhetorical than anything, but Jack answered nonetheless, "That´s usually the way it works." He watched her profile for a couple of seconds, then blurted out, "What exactly _did_ you tell him?"

It was one of those questions he knew he shouldn´t ask, but he felt somewhat justified since she had been the one to bring it up. Still, he worried about her reaction, but she didn´t seem to mind and just replied tiredly without looking at him, "The truth."

"I see." Her answer didn´t help Jack one bit, but he decided not to press further. They were both exhausted and it would be only too easy for either of them to do or say something the other could misconstrue. However, he was not quite ready to let the subject go. Searching his mind for an approach, he finally spoke, "Why Martin?"

Sam didn´t react at first, then she slowly turned her head back toward him, her expression difficult to read. Jack suddenly wished it wasn´t so damn dark in the corridor. "Why not? Most women I know would think him quite a catch," she added, almost challenging.

"Well…" Jack cleared his throat to gain time, strongly regretting he ever uttered the question. "I was just wondering if-"

"If it was just convenient?" she interrupted and he didn´t need to have proper lighting to tell from her face that she was getting angry. "That´s what you´re thinking, isn´t it?"

"No," Jack hurried to object even though the thought had crossed his mind once or twice since he first discovered Samantha and Martin were seeing each other. "That´s not what I meant. I was just curious since he´s so… well, different from…" He trailed off, kicking himself mentally for ever having opened his mouth. This was exactly what he had wanted to avoid.

"From you?"

He paused, unsure what to do, but then admitted, feeling a little sheepish, "Well, yes."

"Perhaps that was the point."

Both her tone and her words were intended to hurt and she succeeded, causing Jack to break eye contact and turn away. A few moments passed, then he felt a hand gently touch his shoulder. "I´m sorry."

Jack closed his eyes briefly, then took a deep breath and turned to her, a bittersweet but genuine smile on his face. "Again, no harm done."

She studied him thoroughly, seeking reassurance that her apology had indeed been accepted. Finding it, Sam sighed, smiling regretfully. "The two of us really shouldn´t be allowed to be alone together. Or maybe we should just quit talking to each other altogether. Might be easier."

A small grin showed on Jack´s face. "Might be." He grew more serious. "I wouldn´t want that, though."

"No," she smiled faintly again, leaning back against the wall and holding his gaze. "I wouldn´t want that either."

For the second time in 24 hours a companionable silence fell between them.

/-

"Sam? Sam? Samantha? Wake up." Jack watched as Sam´s eyes reluctantly flickered open, fixing him with a bleary-eyed stare. "I´m sorry to wake you, but if you continue to sleep in that position you´re going to have a severe crick in your neck in the morning."

She stifled a yawn, then craned her neck as she straightened up beside him, abruptly wincing from the movement. "I´m afraid that´s too late already. Damn. How long have I been asleep?"

Jack checked his watch. "A little more than two hours; it´s almost 4:30."

"Still no sign of either Crowther or Altman I take it."

"Nope, not one."

Raising a hand to rub her stiff neck, she shot him a little embarrassed but endearing smile, "Sorry about falling asleep on you by the way."

"That´s all right," Jack smiled back. He hadn´t minded it one bit. In fact, he had rather enjoyed the sensation of her leaning against him all relaxed and unguarded. Which was probably why he let her sleep in that position longer than he should. "You were tired and I´m sure my shoulder´s a very comfortable place to sleep."

"Oh, it is," Sam murmured, preoccupied with loosening up her tight neck. Closing her eyes, she turned her head carefully sideways, but not carefully enough. "Ow!" A crack loud enough for Jack to hear made him grimace in sympathy.

"Sorry."

She opened her eyes again, sighing, "Well, it´s not your fault." She looked as though she was about to say more when something else occurred to her. Regarding him thoughtfully for a moment, a slow, mischievous smile began to spread on her face.

"You know, in the past you would have offered to rub my neck by now."

Both Jack´s eyebrows skyrocketed and Sam´s smile broadened as she watched him search for a response.

"Well… I… I guess so, but that was before-"

"Relax, Jack." She leaned toward him, bringing their faces close together and whispering conspiratorially as if she was divulging a big secret, "I´m just messing with you."

This time, just one of his eyebrows rose and he gave her a look, but his words were filled with good-natured teasing when he spoke, "You think you´re so funny, don´t you?"

"Sorry." She moved back a little again, but she was still smiling and looked completely unapologetic. "When I´m this tired, I just can´t help myself."

"What would you have done if I´d offered?" Jack heard himself ask in a tone of voice he had sworn he would never use with Samantha again.

She recognized that tone he could tell, her entire body subtly tensing up and her smile slowly vanishing.

Various expressions flickered quickly across her face and her lips moved soundlessly a few times. Jack thought he saw her eyes grow darker, but it could just be his imagination. When she finally answered, it was in a near whisper, "I don´t know."

She licked her lips nervously and Jack felt an instant rush of desire. Trying to ignore it, he said almost gruffly, "You shouldn´t tease."

She recognized that tone, too.

"No." She swallowed, but didn´t break eye contact and neither did she move away. "I shouldn´t."

Jack searched her eyes, looking for something, anything, to decide his next move. He found a lot of answers, but there were just as many questions, and he began to feel the same kind of frozen indecision which was clearly affecting Sam. Then she licked her lips one more time and he had his answer. It might not be hers, but it was his.

"Samantha, if you don´t move away within the next five seconds, I´m going to kiss you."

His softly spoken words sounded both like a promise and a plain statement of fact.

She blinked in response and let out a low gasp of – he didn´t know, surprise perhaps – but still she didn´t move.

"Five."

He watched her lips part slightly. It distracted him and several seconds ticked by in silence.

"Four."

He hadn´t spoken. It was she. He almost didn´t recognize her voice and it was nearly inaudible, but it was she.

It made him smile, but his smile faltered when she didn´t return it, and for a moment, he felt almost paralyzed by the intensity of the gaze directed at him.

"I think my five seconds must be up by now."

It was she again and Jack was relieved as he had suddenly found himself at a loss for words. But before he could either do or say anything, the low bling signaling the arrival of the elevator was heard in the otherwise silent corridor. Then he heard the sound of the doors sliding open, followed immediately by the sound of someone stepping out and walking towards them. However, it wasn´t until he had felt Samantha´s slow exhale graze his face and seen what could only be described as disappointment emerge in her eyes, that he turned his head to see who it was.

It was James Crowther.

For one of the first times in his life, Jack wished for another person to get lost - utterly and truly, never-to-be-found-again lost.

/-

James Crowther didn´t seem the least surprised to see them outside the door to his apartment in the wee hours of the morning, and if he thought anything strange about the position he found them in, he kept it to himself. He just gave the disheveled looking agents a nod when he reached them, unlocked the door and stepped inside, leaving the door wide open for them to follow.

Grabbing his jacket, Jack got to his feet quickly, putting it on and straightening and tightening his tie. Samantha was busy doing similar things with her own clothing. He tried to catch her eye before they entered Crowther´s apartment, but she wouldn´t look at him.

Crowther was standing in the middle of the room that was part living room, part kitchen. His arms were crossed and he watched them patiently, the expression on his face haggard but composed.

"Mr. Crowther-" Jack began, but he was interrupted before he could explain why they were there.

"Have you found Leo?"

Jack turned to Sam in surprise, but she was still looking at Crowther, so he just said, "No, we were hoping you could tell us where he is."

James Crowther sighed, running a hand through his thinning hair. "No, I´ve been out all night looking for him myself.

"Why?" Sam asked and Crowther´s gaze moved from Jack to her. Both agents could tell he was struggling with himself what to say, but then a look of resignation showed on his face and he muttered reluctantly, "Because I´m worried."

"Why are you worried, Mr. Crowther," Jack spoke, taking a step closer to the man. "And why did you naturally assume we were here about your nephew?"

"Because he´s missing!" Crowther´s outburst seemed both out-of-character and overly defensive. "And you guys deal with missing people."

Jack stepped even closer, speaking in a tone that clearly indicated this wasn´t the time to test his patience. "Yes, that´s true, but that´s not really the reason, is it? First of all, no one´s reported Leo Altman missing yet, not you or his mother, so technically we really wouldn´t know that he´s gone." He stared into Crowther´s increasingly uneasy eyes that kept flickering back and forth between him and the door. Deciding he would gain more by pushing less, Jack moved away a little to give him some space and said with a sigh, "Look, Mr. Crowther, it´s almost five in the morning and Agent Spade and I have been here all night. We´re tired and just want to get this over with so we can get out of here, and I´m sure you want us out of your hair as well. I know you don´t like us and frankly I´m not so fond of you either, so why don´t you just save everybody´s time and tell us the real reason why you´re worried about your nephew?"

"You tried to pin Deborah´s death on me." James Crowther sounded almost petulant, glaring at both Jack and Sam. "I told you again and again, I didn´t have anything to do with it, but you just wouldn´t listen. Why should I trust you now?"

"Because somebody _did _kill Deborah Harrison, Mr. Crowther," Sam spoke quietly from behind Jack´s back. "Somebody _did _place his hands around her neck and squeezed hard enough to crush her windpipe and someone _did _dump her body under a bridge like she was just another piece of garbage." She stepped around Jack, walking to stand right in front of Crowther, but her demeanour wasn´t threatening. Sounding almost kind, she continued as he stared at her with avid fascination, "From all you have told us, it seemed clear that you truly cared about her. Was that just an act?"

"No," he mumbled, glancing down at his feet. "I did. She was always very nice."

"Then why don´t you help us out here? You´re worried about your nephew, right? Why is that? Do you think something has happened to him, or does he know something he-" Sam abruptly stopped herself as realization hit her. Looking into his eye, she could tell that he knew what she was thinking and somehow it seemed to calm him down. Or maybe he was just relieved.

"I didn´t want to believe it," he spoke very quietly and Sam saw the pain etched across his face. "I just didn´t. He´s family after all, and he deserved a chance just like I did back then. I straightened myself out and so could he. It wasn´t too late for him. I…" He faltered, then looked Sam straight in the eye, whispering, "I did everything for that boy."

"What makes you believe that your nephew has anything to do with Deborah Harrison´s death?" Jack asked, apparently on the same page as the rest of them.

"Little things. Things he said, or he did, but it was never enough to… it was never enough…" His eyes pleaded with Sam as he spoke even though Jack had been the one to ask the question. "He deserved a chance."

"He tried to implicate you," Jack remarked, not sounding the least sympathetic. He was way past empathy at this point. "He let you rot in a cell. Despite everything you have done for him, he would´ve let you go down for murder. And yet, you still protected him."

"He´s family," James Crowther just said as if that explained everything, turning his gaze to Jack. "And I didn´t know… I didn´t want to believe it."

Jack regarded him in silence for a moment, then simply asked, "What changed?"

"Erick White came by. He was looking for Leo. He said all this stuff about making him pay for what he did. He was really out of it. I tried to calm him down, but he stormed out as soon as he realized Leo wasn´t here."

"When was that?"

"Some time around noon, I think. It really bothered me. I mean, I didn´t want to think that… Well, that´s why I went out looking for Leo. I wanted to, well, ask him and also make sure that nothing would happen."

"Nothing would happen?" Sam spoke up, drawing James Crowther´s attention back to her. "You´re afraid that Erick White may harm your nephew?"

Crowther nodded quickly and he seemed almost eager to help them now, but whether that was out of concern for Leo or because he wanted justice to be served was impossible to gauge. "Yes. I´ve never seen Erick in a state like that before."

Jack and Sam exchanged a look, making eye contact for the first time since entering the apartment. Silently agreeing, they looked back at him and Jack said, "We need you to come with us into the office."

"Now?" Crowther was flabbergasted. "But I have been out all night searching for Leo; I haven´t had any sleep at all. Can´t it wait?"

"No, it can´t," Jack informed him flatly. "Change your clothes if you like and get some water on your face, but that´s all there´s time for."

He was clearly about to argue, but Sam stopped him in his tracks. "Mr. Crowther, in case you haven´t realized it, you´re really pushing the envelope right now. You´re lucky we haven´t arrested you for conspiracy to commit murder or just plain old obstruction of justice. Agent Malone and I are just as tired as you and I would strongly advice you to stop making our lives more difficult."

His mouth fell open as if only just realizing he could be in trouble himself, but one look at the agents´ faces told him that arguing his case with them now really wouldn´t be a good idea. Instead he nodded, speaking quickly, "Okay, I´ll just change my shirt. I´ll be right back." He left, disappearing into what was presumably his bedroom.

"So," Sam turned to Jack, keeping her tone low so that Crowther wouldn´t hear. "What do you think?"

Jack sighed and Sam wondered if she looked as tired as he. She probably did. "Well, my mind isn´t working at top speed," Jack admitted with a touch of humour in his voice that had been absent while James Crowther was in the room. However, there was no trace of it as he continued, "But I think we´d better find Erick White very soon. And when we find him, chances are we´ll find Leo Altman, too."

They were both really too exhausted to properly discuss the new developments and so they just fell silent, impatiently waiting for Crowther to return. Walking around aimlessly, Sam stopped in front a picture on the wall, studying it with disinterest.

"I don´t know how you do it."

"Do what?" She asked absently without turning around.

"Manage to look so beautiful at this hour when everyone else is looking like crap."

She didn´t turn around at first, but when she did, Jack could tell she was flattered although she was trying to hide it. "Thank you," she gave him a faint smile. "You don´t look half bad yourself."

Jack just rolled his eyes in response and it made her laugh softly. Stepping over, she wordlessly reached up to straighten his collar.

"You have done this before," Jack commented quietly.

"Yes, I have," she acknowledged just as quietly.

She rested her hands on his shoulders for just a moment, looking into his eyes, then, almost reluctantly, she stepped away. Before Jack could speak, James Crowther reappeared and the three of them left the apartment without anything else being said.

TBC…


	15. chapter 15

A/N: I´m not from New York, I´m not even from the United States so if the geographical references are vague – well, that´s the point. Bear with me.

Continued from chapter 14

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Vivian breezed in. "Sorry I´m late."

"You´re not late," Samantha commented with a tired smile as she raised her head from her arms, which had been resting on the conference table. "The rest of us just never really seemed to leave."

She received a sympathetic look from Vivian, who held out her newly bought coffee. "Here, looks like you need it more than me."

Sam gratefully accepted the offered coffee, taking several quick sips even though her stomach instantly contracted in pain. "Where´s everybody else?" Vivian continued, slipping out of her coat and draping it over her chair before sitting down next to Samantha.

"Danny and Martin are talking to James Crowther. I think Jack´s on the phone in his office. They should all be here soon."

Vivian nodded, leaning back in her chair. "So… Erick White and Leo Altman?"

"Yes," Sam sighed, trying to decide whether the extra caffeine was worth the stomachache she was bound to have. "According to, Shelly, White´s girlfriend, Leo Altman was their main drug supplier. He-" But before she could elaborate, she was interrupted by Danny joining them at the table, looking annoyingly refreshed.

"Well, I think we´ve squeezed every drop of information out of Crowther by now. Martin´s just finishing off, then he should be here. It´s amazing how cooperative a man will become when he´s got a conspiracy to commit murder charge hanging over his head." He noticed the two new photos on the whiteboard. "So, we´re officially looking for both of them now?"

"Yes." Sam rose. "Altman´s mother reported him missing this morning. Although, I have to admit she didn´t appear to be too concerned; claims he disappears all the time. If Martin´s on the way, I´ll go get Jack."

"Ah, the unconditional love of a mother," Danny remarked sarcastically to Viv as Sam made her way to Jack´s office. "It´s heartwarming to witness."

The blinds to his office were closed, so Sam decided to knock, but received no answer. Opening the door halfway, she poked her head inside, surprised to find the office almost hidden in darkness, only a single lamp lit. "Jack?"

Again there was no response, but as her eyes adjusted, she spotted a figure lying on the couch. Slipping inside, she quietly walked over, smiling involuntarily at the sight of Jack fast asleep, his reading glasses still on and an open folder on his chest. Several of the papers were now lying scattered on the floor. He looked so peaceful that she almost felt bad for waking him, but she didn´t have a choice. Easing herself down onto the edge of the couch, she spoke softly, "Jack?"

No reaction so she touched his shoulder, shaking gently. "Jack, wake up. We´re ready for you now."

His eyes didn´t open and he didn´t stir and at first Sam thought he was still asleep, but then he let out a long sigh, speaking regretfully, "Too bad. I was just batting a thousand." He sighed again, then his eyes flickered open and he blinked a few times as he tried to focus on her face. "So, everyone´s ready?"

"Yes. Sorry." Sam smiled faintly.

Jack took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "What time is it?"

"A little after eight."

He started to sit up, causing the remaining papers to fall to the floor. "Oh great," he mumbled. "I used to be better at this. I could go for days without any sleep."

"Yeah, and just how healthy was that?" Sam commented wryly, rising from the couch to give Jack room to get up. "I have to admit, I´ve also nodded off a couple of times since we got here. And I´m younger." She began to collect the papers while Jack swung his legs round, but remained sitting. "You´d be surprised how comfortable a pillow the conference table will make when you´re tired enough."

"Oh, I already know that," Jack replied, rubbing his tired eyes again. Somehow he just couldn´t seem to wake up properly; all his thoughts felt muddled. Gathering the remaining papers from the couch, he handed them to Sam, who quickly sorted them and placed them back in the folder before tossing it onto his desk. Feeling strangely reluctant to go out and face the world, he looked up at her and asked, "How´s your neck?"

Sam gave him a somewhat rueful smile. "Well, let´s just say that falling asleep at the table did nothing to improve the situation. But I´ll live."

Jack studied her for a moment, then got to his feet. Coming to stand very close to her, he paused for a beat before saying quietly, "I can always help you with it later…?"

He searched her eyes as he spoke, but other than that he gave nothing away, the expression on his face calmly neutral. Sam bit her lip, knowing exactly what he was asking, but unable to find a response. There hadn´t been any time for them to talk about what had happened, or almost happened, between them and she had been slightly relieved, since she didn´t know what to tell him. She had hoped that he wouldn´t bring it up, or at least wait, but she should have known better. Jack was never one to beat about the bush.

The part offer, part question lingered between them a lot longer than it should and she suddenly felt self-conscious under the close scrutiny she was subjected to. She was certain that Jack was reading a lot more off her face than she was off his and she didn´t like it. However, she also knew she owed him an answer.

"Not now, Jack," she said finally, softening her words with a pale smile. "I´m too tired for this." It was only half an answer, she guessed, but it was the best she could do for now. But then, completely startling herself, Sam heard herself add, "Maybe… maybe later."

She had no idea where that came from, as it certainly wasn´t something she planned to say. But there it was, out in the open.

She had spoken so softly that Jack almost missed it, but from the nervous confusion he saw in her eyes, he knew he had heard her right. He could easily tell how conflicted she was and he felt sorry for her, not for the first time wondering if she hadn´t been better off if she had never met him. However, this time he effortlessly pushed the thought away. He was probably selfish, but he just didn´t care any more. He had tried to let her go more than once and it didn´t work - for either of them. He didn´t know what to say or do that he hadn´t done already to make Sam´s decision easier, so he resorted to the one thing he could still offer her: time.

Perhaps he wasn´t just guilty of being selfish, but also of being overly sure of himself, but the events in the corridor had convinced him that Sam would come around eventually. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually she would. He had to believe that. It was the only way he could make sense of the tangled mess that was their relationship. They simply didn´t know how to be just friends and colleagues. They never really had - not even from day one. Short of turning into enemies or one of them leaving, that really only left them with one option.

He reached out, carefully brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear and said quietly, "Maybe later sounds good to me." It was one of those many intimate gestures they had continued to share over the years, despite how inappropriate it was and despite how 'over' they had told themselves they were.

She gazed into his eyes for a moment longer, the look in hers still the very picture of indecision. Then a tentative smile crept onto her face. "Okay." It looked like she was about to say more, but she didn´t and Jack spoke instead, glancing at the office doors, "The others are waiting."

"Yes."

"We should go."

"Yes." Sam agreed, then shook her head imperceptibly as if clearing her mind. "It´s time."

They shared one more small smile, then exited the office together and walked to the bullpen. All the other agents were already gathered at the table, absorbed in conversation that came to a halt when first Danny, then Martin spotted them.

"Hey boss!" Danny called out. "Don´t you look fashionable."

Jack gave him a look, knowing full well his hair was probably in dire use of a comb after his impromptu nap and said dryly, "Guess who´ll be working the graveyard shift and weekends from now on, Danny?"

Danny feigned mock remorse and Sam smiled as she sat down, rather enjoying the look of Jack´s tousled hair. It made him look very cute. However, she instantly forgot about that when she caught the look Martin was giving her from across the table. She fought the urge to avert her eyes and stared back defiantly, and after a few seconds he was the one who looked down.

Sitting down on a desk, Jack faced his agents. Letting out a low sigh, he said simply, "Okay, talk."

The four team members exchanged looks, then Danny took the lead, consulting the impressive amount of notes he had before him. "Martin and I rounded up all of Erick White´s friends yesterday, or at least all of his known friends I should say. One of them, a Timothy Miller, reluctantly admitted that he and Erick would occasionally hang out at the bowling alley where Leo Altman works. He also said he didn´t think Leo and Erick were friends. They just hung out from time to time. All of his friends claim they don´t know where either of them are. We have tried to locate some of Altman´s friends without much success. Doesn´t appear like he really has any. His co-workers at the bowling alley think he´s a little too full of himself."

Danny finished and turned his head to Martin, who picked up. "We also questioned Shelly Ashby, the girlfriend, and put a trace on her phone in case he contacts her. She admits to buying drugs from Leo Altman on various occasions. She doesn´t like him either, says he looks at her in a fake friendly, creepy way." He shrugged, glancing around. "Whatever that means."

"Oh, I know what that means," Sam commented, looking at Vivian, who nodded. "Me too."

Jack absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up even further and Sam wasn´t the only one to suppress a smile. "Okay, what else?"

"Not much to be honest," Martin replied, meeting Jack´s gaze. "Altman´s mother says she´s never heard of Erick White or Deborah Harrison. We put a trace on her phone, too, just in case. She did say her son would never sell drugs, but to be honest, I think that was more of a perfunctory reaction than actual belief in him. She also didn´t appear very concerned about his apparent disappearance; said he was bound to show up again."

"Okay." Jack nodded to himself, then looked to Sam. "Samantha?"

Sam turned to Vivian, as this was mainly for her benefit. "I´ll make it brief; most of it you know already. Jack and I spoke to James Crowther last night. Erick White came to see him, looking for Leo Altman. Since then no one has seen either of them. Crowther as well as we," she briefly caught Jack´s eye, "are concerned that Erick White is out to harm Altman, to avenge his grandmother´s death. Why Erick has reasons to believe that Altman is involved we don´t know. However, since James Crowther is beginning to think the same, there´s a possibility Erick may just be right."

"But that´s not the main issue here," Jack began, giving each of his agents a pointed look. "Whether Leo Altman´s actually responsible for Deborah Harrison´s death is irrelevant to us. What we have to concentrate on is finding Erick White as quickly as possible. I´m convinced once we find him, we find the other."

"Do you really think Erick White has it in him to hurt another human being?" Vivian asked doubtfully. "He doesn´t seem the type."

"Maybe not, but we can´t afford to assume." Jack shifted on the desk, his gaze turning to the whiteboard and the two photographs. Erick White looking sullen, refusing to look directly at the camera, and Leo Altman, without a care in the world, smiling confidently back at him.

/-

Leaving all of his clothes in a heap on the floor, Jack took a moment to study his face in the bathroom mirror, cringing inwardly by the sight of dark circles around his eyes. Then he sighed and stepped into the shower, shivering slightly when the cool spray hit him. He felt too complacent to take a truly cold shower, but hoped that even a little chill would do something to make him feel more alert. If he had any more coffee, he felt sure his hands would start shaking.

After a few moments of cool water, however, Jack gave into his inner hedonism and turned the tap to add more warm water, rationalizing that he wouldn´t get properly clean with cold water anyway. Despite his fatigue, the shower did make him feel a little better, maybe not that more awake, but at least he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders and ease the ache in his knee. Sitting on the hard floor outside James Crowther´s apartment half the night had served to remind him that he wasn´t 20 years old any more. Not that he regretted doing it; it had led to a breakthrough with Samantha and for that he would gladly have spent a month on that floor if need be. Jack smiled to himself. He had never considered himself to be much of a romantic; Sam just seemed to bring that side out of him although he would hardly consider her much of a romantic either. His mood turned more solemn as he tried to recall if Maria ever brought that out of him, too. Probably. A long time ago.

Shaking his head lightly, he turned his mind back to the case. He was only home to take a quick shower and change his clothes before he would return to work. He knew it was a silly, almost counter-productive thing to do, but he had made himself a promise that they would find Erick White before anything bad happened to either him or Leo Altman. He had failed finding Caroline White´s mother alive, but he wasn´t going to fail finding her son. He just had to find him before Erick did something that wouldn´t send him home to his mother, but to jail.

With renewed resolve, Jack began to lather up his hair when he heard the faint ringing of his cell phone. Swearing in disbelief and with soap and water dripping off of him, he turned off the shower and stepped outside. A quick search of his clothes revealed his phone and he flicked it open, speaking rather curtly, "Yes?"

"Jack? It´s Martin," he heard Martin speak at the other end and the urgency in his voice made Jack instinctively reach for a pen only to realize he was naked. "Erick White called his girlfriend a few minutes ago. He wasn´t making much sense, rambling about it being his fault that his grandmother died and that he has to make Leo Altman pay. Shelly tried to talk to him, but he wasn´t taking anything in; just told her to tell his mother that he was sorry and then he told her goodbye and hung up."

"I see," Jack said pensively. "Did we manage to get a trace?"

"Yes." Jack could hear the ruffle of papers as Martin looked for something. "The call was made from a payphone in an area where a lot of warehouses are located. According to Viv, not all of them are in use. Chances are that we´ll find them there."

Jack nodded even though Martin couldn´t see it. "Yes, I agree. Tell the others to get moving- where is everybody anyway?"

"Danny and the others are already on their way, and I´m just leaving Caroline White´s house. I wanted to bring an item of Erick´s clothing in case we'll need to call in the dogs."

"Good thinking. Okay, tell me where it- actually-" Jack interrupted himself when he realized something. "Martin, Caroline White´s home isn´t far from mine; just pick me up on the way. And yeah, call the others and tell them to wait till we get there."

"You want me to pick you up?" There was a slight incredulity to Martin´s tone.

"Is that a problem?"

"No, no, of course not," came the quick answer, Martin clearly hearing the slight edge to Jack´s own voice. "I´ll… I´ll be there in about ten minutes."

"Good." Jack snapped his phone shut without further comment. That just gave him enough time to finish his shower and get dressed.

True to his word, Martin pulled up outside Jack´s house about ten minutes later, finding his boss already waiting for him in the street. Stopping only long enough for Jack to get in, Martin immediately resumed driving, just lightly breaking the speed limit.

"We should get there in about 45 minutes if traffic allows it. Danny, Viv and Sam should be there in about 20. Backup´s already waiting. Are you sure you want them to wait for us?"

"No, you´re right. Time´s an issue here." Jack found his phone again and made a call to Danny, telling them to go ahead without them. Danny in turn told him that the area was huge and they would most likely still be looking when they got there. Once that was done, Jack glanced at his watch, sighed, and leaned back in his seat. Forcing himself to relax, he stared absentmindedly out of the window. There wasn´t anything else he could do anyway.

"It´s times like these it´d be nice if they would equip us with helicopters instead of cars," Martin remarked, sensing Jack´s impatience as well as feeling his own.

Jack smiled briefly. "Tell me about it." He looked at his watch again despite only mere seconds having passed since he last did it.

They spent some time discussing the various reasons why Erick White would feel responsible for Deborah Harrison´s death and still want to punish Leo Altman, but once every scenario had been thoroughly laid out, they gradually fell silent. Jack resumed looking out of the window, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see Martin shooting him a glance from time to time. He clearly detected some hostility coming from the younger man – although he had to admit Martin was trying to hide it – so Jack decided that as long as it didn´t go further than that, he wasn´t going to do or say anything. In his opinion, Martin had a right to be angry, but he also knew he was too tired and exhausted to be reasonable, so he just hoped Martin wouldn´t bring up the one topic that was cause of all the tension in the car.

"Jack?"

Jack closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. He didn´t like the way Martin had spoken his name. There was no way this would be about the case. Exhaling slowly, he opened his eyes again and turned halfway to Martin. "Yes?"

Martin glanced at him. He couldn´t really afford to take his attention away from the traffic around him. "I um… I was just…" Their eyes finally met as they arrived at a traffic light.

Jack did little to hide his impatience and repeated tiredly, "Yes?"

But Martin didn´t continue; he just regarded Jack for what felt a very long time, but was in fact only as long as it took for the lights to change, then he looked away. "Never mind."

"Are you sure?"

Martin looked back at him, both men ignoring the angry horns from the cars behind them. The expression on his face revealed nothing as to what he had meant to ask. Only his eyes showed any emotion, but before Jack could properly identity what it was, Martin suppressed that as well. Turning away once more, he just said quietly, "Yes, I´m sure."

They drove on in silence and Jack´s mind began to wander when all of a sudden Martin put an end to that.

"You´re still not good enough for her."

It was stated with obvious bitterness, but no real resentment. More like resignation.

Jack sighed softly, then admitted, "Probably not."

The admission clearly took Martin by surprise and he turned his head quickly, but Jack was still looking out the window.

"Then why?"

Jack turned his head slowly, holding Martin´s gaze for a moment before speaking, "You know why. Is making me say it out loud really going to make you feel any better?"

Before Martin could respond, Jack almost grabbed the wheel. "Hey, turn right here!" Martin just managed to turn in time and as they rounded the corner, the first warehouses came into view along with several police cars.

"Finally." Jack consulted his watch. "Although we did make good time. Park over there."

Martin did as he was told and the engine had barely stopped before Jack was out of the car, walking briskly toward the small gathering of people outside the nearest warehouse. Vivian was there as was Samantha and even from the distance, Martin could see the smile that lit up her face when she spotted Jack.

It was faint, it was brief and it was obvious.

TBC…


	16. chapter 16

A/N: Well, this is pretty much the end of this story, folks. I´m grateful to all of you who followed the story and the amazing feedback I´ve received along the way. Special thanks go out to Diane – who´s still the best beta ever!

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Continued from chapter 15

/-

A light drizzle began to fall as Vivian spent little time bringing Jack and Martin up to speed. There wasn´t much to tell; neither Erick White nor Leo Altman had been discovered. They had covered about a third of the warehouse district, two different groups working from each end. Satisfied with what he had heard, Jack arranged for an ambulance to be called just in case. Then he delegated his agents, taking Vivian with him to join Danny and leaving Martin and Samantha with the backup to work their way toward them.

Changing into his jacket with the bright yellow FBI letters on his back - which tended to make him feel like a walking target – Martin followed Samantha and two other agents to a large wooden building, used in the past to store textiles, but which was now mainly empty except for some overturned crates and old newspapers and trash. Splitting up, Martin and Sam unholstered their guns and entered from the south while their colleagues moved onto the next building. They made a speedy, but thorough search of the premises, but the only sign of human presence was a couple of cardboard boxes in the corner and an empty beer bottle.

"Vagrant," Martin guessed and Sam nodded. "Looks like it. Okay, let´s move on."

They exited, continuing to the next warehouse, which smelled strongly of rot. The walls were practically green at some places and they could both hear the faint sound of water dripping somewhere, but they failed to find the source. The air was cool and clammy and Martin shivered involuntarily, noticing Samantha doing the same.

"I don´t think Erick would bring Leo Altman here," she spoke thoughtfully, looking around at the metallic pieces lying on the ground, nearly unidentifiable from rust and the rotting crates covered with mildew. "It feels too unhealthy. He´s planned this out; he wants to take his time. He would want to feel more comfortable."

"Right," Martin replied, looking around himself, "because we all know how important it is for people to be in a sound and healthy environment while committing crime. Otherwise it´s just not as enjoyable."

Sam gave him an irritated look. "No need to be sarcastic, Martin. What I meant was that Erick White most likely didn´t take Altman or meet up with him here on a whim. He´s been here before, perhaps hanging out with some other kids. They would choose a nicer place for that."

Martin acknowledged her words with a shrug, but didn´t speak. Silently they moved on and entered the next warehouse. It was the smallest one so far, the windows boarded up to allow practically no light coming from outside. Pulling out flashlights, they looked around, but were unable to see much. The inside of the warehouse was completely cluttered with crates and pallets stored almost up to the ceiling, turning the room in to a virtual maze. Martin looked to Sam and she nodded imperceptibly and they slowly moved forward. The maze wasn´t a haphazard byproduct of over-storage; it had clearly been created for the very purpose. Letting the beam of his flashlight sweep over the floor as they penetrated further into the growing darkness, Martin noticed several cigarette butts, candy wrappers, beer cans and even the occasional used condom. Apparently, the abandoned warehouse wasn´t as abandoned as its outside appearance claimed.

"Sam?" he whispered.

"I know," she whispered back. "I think we´re at the right place."

"Should we call Jack?"

She shook her head. "No. I checked the blueprints of most of the buildings before you arrived. This one doesn´t have another exit. If they´re here, we´ll find them."

They continued onward, trying not to step on the broken glass and twisted steel that was everywhere on the floor. Checking his watch, Martin calculated mentally. Even though the obstacles in their way had forced them to move in circles, they had to be close to the center of the building by now. And then just as he had finished the thought, they stepped around a corner and the room opened up before them, the beams of their flashlights revealing a small space barely bigger than his bedroom. Overturned beer crates served as makeshift chairs, a larger one as a table, and there was even a solitary unlit candle on it. In the far right corner there was what appeared to be a mattress or a large cushion and in the very center was an old oil barrel, its rim covered with soot.

"Martin?" He felt Sam´s hand on his arm and he turned his head to her, but she was looking at something else. "Over there."

He followed her line of sight, seeing what looked like a bundle of blankets or clothes, but then he noticed the hand sticking out from underneath it all. "Shit!" he exclaimed and started to move, but Sam had already beaten him to it, kneeling down and carefully pulling away a denim jacket to reveal the pale face of Leo Altman.

"Is he dead?"

Samantha didn´t answer at first, her fingers probing; then she shook her head. "No, I feel his pulse. It´s weak, but it´s there." She leaned down closer while Martin found his cell phone. "He´s been hit on the head as far as I can tell; his hair is coated in blood and it has started to dry. I don´t know…" she trailed off, letting her flashlight run over Altman´s immobile form. "I don´t see any other injuries."

Martin punched the digits, calling for help and informing them of where they could find them. In the meantime, Sam made a quick sweep of the area, but there was no trace of Erick White. She returned to kneel at Altman´s side just as Martin called Jack to inform him of their find. To his surprise, there was no answer. Frowning, he dialed Danny´s number, but his phone didn´t even ring and went straight to voicemail.

"That´s funny."

"What?" Sam glanced up at him, distracted by Altman´s shallow breathing and his clammy skin. He didn´t look good at all.

"I can´t seem to reach Jack or Danny." This time he tried Vivian´s number and as it rang, he felt Samantha´s intense gaze on him. It rang once, then twice, then a distracted Vivian answered, "Yes?"

"Viv? It´s Martin. Sam and I just found Leo Altman. He´s alive but in a bad condition. Help´s on its way."

"Good, good," Vivian spoke hurriedly, sounding more than a little absentminded. "Look, I´ll have to go. We have a bit of a situation here."

"Situation? What kind of situation?"

"We found Erick White. I think he´s threatening to kill himself. Jack and Danny are with him."

"We´ll be right there," Martin spoke, but the line had already gone dead. He met Sam´s questioning eyes. "They found Erick White."

"Is he all right?"

"Well," Martin began, turning slightly toward the sudden sound of approaching footsteps. "Over here!" he called out. "Just turn right every other time and you´ll get here." He turned back to Sam. "Viv said that he´s threatening to kill himself, but Jack and Danny are with him."

Samantha slowly rose just as the first paramedic burst around the corner. "Is he armed?"

"I don´t know; Vivian didn´t say. She sounded a little stressed."

She walked over to him and they both moved out of the way for the next paramedic, carrying an enormous bag of medical supplies. "But Jack and Danny are okay, right?"

"I don´t know," Martin repeated a little testily, he wasn´t psychic. But then he noticed the concern in her eyes and his voice softened, "I´m sure they´re both fine."

He saw her nod, but it was obvious she wasn´t reassured. It wasn´t like her to naturally assume the worst, or at least it hadn´t been in the past. Despite everything, it still threw him a little. He was no fool. Even before he knew the whole truth, he noticed that Samantha was always especially on edge whenever Jack was involved in a potentially dangerous situation. She had always been good at keeping it from everybody who wasn´t paying extra attention, though. He suddenly wondered why she had stopped bothering to hide it, and then he wondered if she was even aware that she had. He bit the inside of his cheek, then spoke with a nonchalance that almost came over as real, "Why don´t you go find out what´s going on? I´ll stay here with Altman."

Sam, who had been shooting not so furtive glances between Leo Altman and the direction of the exit, quickly looked back at him. She didn´t speak, but just searched his face for a moment before giving him a brief nod and an even briefer smile. Then she briskly walked away and Martin saw her pull out her cell phone before she disappeared out of sight.

/-

"Just leave!"

"Erick," Jack spoke calmly. "You know we can´t do that." He took a step forward, but stopped when Erick immediately took several steps backward, bringing him precariously close to the end of the pier. "Erick, it´s okay. We´re not gonna push you. Just put down the gun and we´ll talk about it."

"It´s not okay!" Tears began to fall, making small lines on Erick´s grimy face while his gaze darted constantly between Jack and Danny. "It´s not okay…" He glanced down for a split second, but instantly looked back up when he sensed movement. "Don´t come any closer!" He waved the gun haphazardly, not really aiming at them, but more trying to wave them away.

They had been searching the warehouses all the way down to the water´s edge without result, but just as they were about call it off, Danny had spotted a lone figure out on the furthermost pier. A look through a pair of binoculars had confirmed that it was Erick White, standing at the edge and staring down at the water. Danny and Jack approached as carefully as possible, not wanting to spook the boy. It was only when they were about 30 feet away and he spun around that they saw the gun stuck down into the front of his jeans. Jack had immediately ordered a stop to all movement and Vivian and the other agents remained back at the beginning of the pier, watching the scene unfold through binoculars.

"Put--put your guns down!"

"Erick," Jack said in the same calm voice he used earlier, "you know we can´t do that either." He and Danny were both pointing their weapons directly at him and Erick White took another step back, nearly losing his balance as his sneakers touched the very edge of the pier. Jack made a quick decision and slowly lowered his gun. "Danny."

Danny glanced at him, but then lowered his gun as well.

"See, Erick, we´re willing to show a bit of faith in you. Why don´t you return the favour?"

Erick White hesitated, staring nervously at Jack, the gun in his hands shaking ever so slightly. Then he lowered it just a little, but enough to be aiming at the ground somewhere between him and the agents.

Jack gave him an encouraging smile. "That´s good, Erick, that´s real good. Why don´t you just put it down completely just in case. I know you don´t want to shoot anyone."

However, Erick White didn´t appear to have heard him. He was looking at something behind them and Jack fought the impulse to turn around. "I only wanted him to admit it," Erick spoke in a strange tone, his eyes finding their way back to Jack´s. "I wanted him to admit what he did. I didn´t mean to kill him."

"Leo Altman?" Jack asked, trying to keep the urgency out of his question. "Where is he, Erick? Did you hurt him?"

"I hit him over the head with his own gun," Erick replied listlessly, glancing at the gun in his hand and Jack watched as what little colour there was left drained from the teenager´s face. "He wouldn´t admit it, you know; he wouldn´t admit what he did to my grandmother. So I pushed him into the wall, he dropped the gun and I hit him."

"Where is he, Erick?" Danny used Erick´s momentary distraction to inch a little closer, ignoring Jack´s cautionary look. "He is here, isn´t he? Tell us where to find him and we´ll get him to a hospital."

The tears had gradually stopped coming and Erick White just looked at them, the hand with the gun coming to rest against his side. "It´s too late," he stated dully, almost matter-of-factly. "I killed him and it´s all my fault."

"What´s your fault, Erick?"

"Everything." Erick White´s pale eyes moved between them once more before settling solely on Jack. "I told Leo my grandmother was rich; I even bragged about it. I told him how easy it was to get money from her. I brought him to her apartment once when I needed money and she was there. I introduced him to her. If I´d never done that, if I´d kept my mouth shut then none of this would ever have happened." His face contorted and it looked like he was about to begin crying again, but he kept it under control. "I _knew _Leo was always broke. I _knew _he was owing a lot of people a lot of money. I knew all that and I still…"

"Where is he, Erick?" Jack asked again. He was worried about pushing the kid too hard, but it was crucial that they find Altman.

Erick stared at him for a moment, then said, "He´s in the old Friedman & Sons building. A bunch of us often hangs out there. But as I said, it´s too late. I killed him."

"Let´s just find out about that," Jack spoke. "I´m going to reach for my phone now, okay? I´ll just make a call to tell them where to look, that´s all." Erick White looked uncertain, but then nodded his consent. He watched closely as Jack slowly reached into his pocket with his free hand, drawing out his cell phone. With a little difficulty, he managed to flick it open with one hand and made the call. He began to speak, but was quickly silenced by whoever was on the other end.

Danny kept a watchful eye on Erick White, who was still loosely holding the gun. He wanted to try to move closer. He was sure he could come close enough to tackle Erick before he could react, but he knew Jack probably wouldn´t approve.

Listening for a couple of more seconds, Jack hung up. His voice was still calm, almost friendly, but there was noticeable touch of no nonsense to it now as he said, "You´re in luck, Erick. They already found him and he´s alive. They´re taking him to the hospital as we speak. I know everything looks very bad right now, but nothing´s happened that can´t be fixed. Why don´t you just put the gun down and we´ll figure out a way to work this out together."

"He´s not dead?" Doubt showed clearly in Erick´s eyes. "But he wasn´t breathing."

"You were wrong, Erick. Leo Altman´s still very much alive. Now, your gun. I want you to--"

"Give us your gun and we´ll make sure you get home, Erick," Danny interrupted, feeling confident the kid was about to give up. "Agent Malone´s right; we can fix this and we´ll take you home to your mother. She´s very worried about you."

It was the wrong thing to say.

The slightly resigned, cautious expression on Erick´s face instantly turned to one of anguish. "My mom…" He shook his head quickly, speaking as if to himself. "No, no, I can´t… I can´t face her, not now when she knows what I did. I just can´t." He faltered, his gaze falling on the gun in his hand.

"Danny!"

It was all the incentive Danny needed and he rushed forward, reaching Erick and grabbing his arm just as the teenager looked up startled. "I´ll take that, thank you."

He didn´t put up a fight, but just handed the weapon to Danny. Looking scared for the first time during the encounter, he asked quietly, "Are you gonna put me in handcuffs?"

Danny glanced back at Jack, but he was on the phone again while waving at the other agents, signaling for them to join them. Turning back to Erick, he spoke kindly, "I´m afraid so, but I´ll make sure they´re not too tight, okay?"

Erick White nodded mutely, his head lowering as he stared down at the ground. Jack finished his conversation and came over to stand at Danny´s side. Together they watched as two police officers took Erick White away.

"What do you think is going to happen to him?" Danny asked, shooting Jack a sideways look. "I mean, I know what he did was wrong, but I don´t think he ever seriously intended to hurt Altman."

Jack sighed. "Maybe not. One thing is sure, he won´t be going home right away."

"Yeah, about that…" Danny began, looking a little sheepish. "I probably shouldn´t have mentioned his mother, but just let you do your thing. Sorry about that."

"You probably just should have," Jack acknowledged, watching the approach of his remaining agents. But then he smiled, turning to look at Danny. "No harm done. That was a nice sprint by the way. Did you do tracks in high school?"

"Tracks in high school?" Danny grinned. "No, Jack; the streets taught me to run fast."

Jack shook his head, smiling faintly, but decided not to comment.

/-

"It´s a nice feeling, isn´t it?" Martin spoke as he walked up to stand next to Samantha, who was removing the portraits of Erick White and Leo Altman. "Finding them both alive and well. Well, relatively well," he amended with a small smile. "Altman´s going to have helluva headache for a long time."

"So he´ll be all right?" Sam asked, carefully wiping the board clean.

"Yes. It´s a severe concussion and he lost some blood, but he´ll recover fully. It was lucky we found him when we did, though."

"Did he say anything about Deborah Harrison?"

"They haven´t been able to get much out of him yet. He´s still rather groggy."

"Well, maybe getting a brush with death will make him reevaluate his life," Sam commented dryly, walking to her desk and sitting down. She swirled her chair around to face him. "I´m sure he´ll decide to change his ways and become an upstanding citizen."

Martin crossed his arms, regarding her with an amused smile. "Don´t tell me you have turned all cynical on me, Sam. Who´s going to be our ray of light in the office from now on?"

She gave him a look, then smiled. "So, what´s this new case about?"

"A missing college student. Danny and Viv are one the scene getting the details. But you don´t have to worry about that now. Didn´t Jack tell you to go home to get some sleep?"

"Yes, he did, but I don´t think there´s much point. I think I´m actually too tired to sleep. And there´s paperwork to do."

"There´s always paperwork to do, Sam, and it´s not going anywhere. I know Jack doesn´t expect a full report tonight," Martin gently admonished as he walked over to her to sit down on the edge of her desk. "You really should go home to rest. You look terrible."

Sam raised an eyebrow, speaking wryly, "Oh, that´s nice, Martin."

"You know what I mean."

She sighed tiredly, running a hand through her hair. "Yes, I do." She found his gaze, and held it for a couple of seconds before saying quietly, "Thank you."

"For what?" Martin inquired mildly.

"For still caring," Sam hesitated, then added, "despite everything."

"Well, what can I say, I´m just such a damn nice guy," Martin replied. His answer came out more resentful than he intended and he saw the guilt instantly appear in her eyes. She was about to speak, but he held up a hand to silence her. "It´s okay, Sam; I didn´t mean it like that." He rose from her desk, but didn´t move away. Instead he just looked at her for a moment, then spoke with a tired, plaintive smile, "You don´t ever have to worry about my not caring."

He started to walk away before she could speak, but then his steps faltered and he stopped.

"Martin?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before finally turning around to face her. "You know, Sam. Why don´t you just go ahead and be with him? You know that´s what you really want."

"Martin, I--" she began, but he didn´t let her continue.

"He´s wrong for you for so many reasons and you know that, but he loves you and no matter how much I hate it, it´s clear you love him too."

This time he waited for her response, but nothing came. The expression in her eyes, though, spoke volumes. Martin swallowed, wondering how he ever could have missed it. He looked down briefly to get his emotions under control. Taking another deep breath, he met her eyes again and stated sadly, "You still love him, Sam. You never really stopped. If I can admit it, why can´t you?"

He watched her mouth move soundless a few times searching for something to say, then he abruptly turned around and walked away. She had already seen his heart break once. There was no reason for her to see it twice.

Sam remained frozen in her seat for several minutes, looking completely stunned, but gradually she recovered from her shock and slowly rose. Taking her coat, she headed to the elevators, but slowed down when she approached Jack´s office. Without making a conscious decision, she stopped completely. He wasn´t alone - Van Doren was in there with him and judging from their gestures, they were having a rather heated debate about one thing or another. Sam took in the scene for a moment, her face showing no real emotion, then her eyes moved and came to rest on the picture of Jack´s two young daughters, both with beaming smiles on their faces. She had seen that photo a thousand times, but she wondered if she had ever truly looked at it. She knew for certain that she had never picked it up. Suddenly she sensed something and looked up to find Jack looking past Van Doren to her, obviously distracted by her presence outside his office. Van Doren noticed and started to turn, but Jack broke eye contact and turned his attention back to her, saying something Sam couldn´t hear. She observed the scene for just one more moment, then walked away without a second look back.

/-

The doorbell rang a little after midnight. Jack, who had been half asleep on the couch in front of the TV, took a few moments to get his bearings before wearily getting to his feet and padding out into the hall. Reaching the front door, he opened it halfway and looked out, then he pulled it fully open. "Sam? What are you doing here?" He noticed the serious expression on her face and instantly grew concerned. "Is everything okay?"

She didn´t answer, but just asked quietly, "May I come in?"

"Yes, of course." Jack was so surprised by the turn of events that he didn´t realize he still hadn´t moved to let her in until her eyebrow rose and she smiled slightly amused. "Oh, sorry." He stepped back. "Come in."

He closed the door behind her and turned to face her, repeating his earlier question, "Is everything okay?"

"Are you alone?"

"Well, yes," Jack replied, feeling more and more puzzled, unable to read the intense look in Sam´s eyes. "Who would be--"

However, he never got to finish the sentence, as Samantha closed the distance between them and pulled him down into a kiss. Shocked, it didn´t register right away in Jack´s brain what was happening, but when he felt her tongue against his lips, he caught up and eagerly opened his mouth to allow her access. Sam never missed a beat, kissing him ferociously, her tongue roaming his mouth while her hands were clutching at his chest, trying to unbutton his shirt. Jack felt himself being pushed back towards the wall and he grabbed her waist for support, pulling her with him.

His back hit the wall with some force, but Jack didn´t care, his hands slipping up under Sam´s blouse, up her back, meshing their bodies together. "Off," Sam mumbled frustrated into his mouth, her trapped hands still working on his shirt buttons. "I want this off."

Jack was having similar difficulties with the clasp of her bra and smiled involuntarily, finally breaking the kiss. Looking down at her flushed face, he spoke tenderly, "Maybe we should slow down."

Sam looked at him, then simply shook her head. "No." She glanced sideways. "Where´s the bedroom?"

Jack didn´t know why, but it took him several seconds to respond. "That way," he said hoarsely, "through the living room."

She started to move away, but when she noticed he wasn´t following, she reached down to take one of his suddenly limp hands into hers, tugging gently but insistently. Without a word, he let her lead him through his own house and into his bedroom and into the bed that up until now he had never shared with anyone but his wife. Sam pushed him down and climbed on top of him, resuming kissing him with a savageness that left him breathless. Jack felt several conflicting emotions, something inside him rebelling against what was happening and where it was happening, but gradually his growing desire pushed those doubts away.

Finally fed up, Sam simply ripped his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere and Jack would have laughed if it wasn´t such a turn on. Locking eyes, Sam straightened up to straddle his hips, allowing him a full view as she slipped her blouse over her head and quickly and efficiently unclasped her bra. For a moment a teasing smile showed on her face as she took in his reaction, but it disappeared as he grabbed her hips and ground her against him, causing both of them to gasp. Their eyes met and despite their arousal and the position of their bodies, they managed a soft, intimate smile.

Sam placed her hands on his shoulders, slowly running them down his chest and coming to rest just a few inches above his waistline. This time, her smile was purely for her own benefit as she felt his stomach muscles quiver beneath her touch in response.

Jack swallowed. "You´re so beautiful."

Sam leaned down to gently capture his lips. Kissing him briefly, she pulled back to whisper, "As are you."

Jack couldn´t help but smile, but the smile was quickly replaced by something else when he felt Sam reach down between them, her hand slowly beginning to work his belt buckle. His gaze traveled from her face to her breasts, lingering before moving back, their eyes meeting as she carefully unbuckled his belt, now all of a sudden taking her own sweet time doing it.

His hands were still on her hips, holding her firmly in place and Sam shifted for no other reason than to feel him instinctively jerk against her. She had always liked to feel in control in bed, even with Jack. She had allowed herself to be more vulnerable with him than anybody else, but at times, she needed to feel in control and this was one of them.

She was only too aware that this was Jack´s bedroom, Jack´s bed. He and Maria had slept in it, made love in it. She wanted to somehow undo that, or at least erase it from not only her memory, but his as well. If only temporarily. His belt gave way and she pulled down his fly, easing her hand inside his pants, the thin material of his boxers the only remaining barrier. Jack´s eyes fluttered and closed and he arched toward her.

She began to stroke him lightly, smiling inwardly when she saw his jaw clench. Changing her position, she moved to lie beside him, languidly kissing his face, then his chest as she continued to move her hand, but now with greater purpose.

"Sam…" Jack´s eyes opened to meet hers briefly, his right hand finding its way into her hair.

She silenced him with a deep kiss. She knew what he wanted, but as much as she was desperate for his hands on her, she wasn´t ready to relinquish her power over him yet. She knew she couldn´t keep it going for too long or Jack would either take control or climax, but for now she was enjoying herself too much to stop. Her tongue probed deeper into his mouth, drinking in his groan as her hand increased its rhythm.

Just as she was about to slip her hand into his boxers, she suddenly found herself on her back, Jack´s face hovering inches above hers. "My turn," he husked, giving her a quick kiss on the lips before moving his attention to her breasts. Flicking his tongue around one nipple, then the other, it was now his turn to run his hand down her torso. He was less patient, though, not so gently unhooking her pants and immediately pushing his hand beneath the material of her panties. He was pleased to discover that she was more than ready for his touch, and he watched in awe as her head fell back and her mouth opened soundlessly as he started to caress her.

At first she just grabbed the sheets, clutching them in her fists as she allowed herself to let go and just move in sync with Jack´s knowing ministrations. But as she felt herself move closer, she wanted to regain some initiative. Placing both her hands on each side of his face, she made him lift his head from her chest and brought their lips together in a hungry kiss.

"Jack, please…" she whispered as they separated. She hadn´t come for hours of endless lovemaking - not tonight. She had come to reconnect before she lost her nerve.

He didn´t need to be told twice. Deftly, he pulled off her pants and underwear, hoisting himself up to discard his own remaining clothes. Like earlier, their gazes locked, then he was inside her and Sam´s eyes closed, feeling Jack´s hot cheek against her own as they began to move together.

He was already close and wanted to hold back, but she wouldn´t let him, her touches and soft gasps urging him on. Smiling inwardly, she soon felt him tense and he raised his head to meet her eyes. She kissed him quickly, then lightly raked her nails down his back. His head dipped and he came with a low groan, his body becoming completely still for a moment before collapsing on top of her. Hearing his ragged breath in her ear, Sam stroked his back tenderly, now smiling openly. She waited till his breathing slowed down, then gently made him lift his face to hers. Looking into eyes even darker than normal, her smile faded and was replaced with quiet sincerity.

"Jack?"

He managed to get out a, "Yes?"

"I love you."

The words had barely left her mouth before she started to look almost scared, but she didn´t break eye contact, allowing Jack to see in her eyes everything she was still unable to say.

It took his breath away for the second time in mere minutes.

/-

It was still very early and even before the alarm clock went off when Jack awoke. Lying on his back for a moment, he gazed up at the ceiling as the memories of last night washed over him. A smile spontaneously crept onto his face and he rolled onto his side and then the smile slowly vanished. He was alone.

"Sam?" There was no reply.

Jack remained motionless for a couple of seconds, all sorts of upsetting scenarios flickering through his mind. Then he sprang into action. He got out of bed and pulled on his pants and ruined shirt, then he walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Samantha?"

Again there was no reply and although Jack knew she would have answered if she were in there, he still took a quick look inside just to make sure. Feeling an unpleasant, but nonetheless familiar sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he entered the kitchen – only to find it just as empty. There was no note, no nothing.

He was at a complete loss. It made no sense after last night. Starting to feel a little angry to disguise his hurt and frustration, he was just about to leave the kitchen when he noticed the coffeepot was half full. For a moment he just stared at it; then a sudden impulse hit him and he quickly walked to the front door, pulling it open.

Sam was sitting on the top stair to his house, nursing a mug of coffee between her hands. Hearing the door open, she turned around and when she saw him, gave him a soft smile.

"Hey."

Relief flooded through Jack and he gave her a brilliant smile in return.

"Hey yourself."

He sat down beside her, unable to stop himself from smiling again when she immediately scooted closer to him.

"How long have you been out here?" he asked, accepting the mug she offered him and taking a few sips.

"Not that long. I woke up a little while ago and couldn´t go back to sleep."

"Lots on your mind?" Jack asked, attempting to sound casual.

"You could say that." A smile showed briefly on her face.

They sat together in companionable silence for a few minutes, passing the mug between them while the grey morning light slowly grew stronger and the mist lifted.

"You had me worried there for a second," Jack admitted eventually, not looking at her, his gaze following a passing car.

She turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." He met her eyes, speaking quietly, "When I woke up and you were nowhere to be found, I thought that maybe--"

"I´d left?"

"Yes."

Sam didn´t respond right away, but just held his gaze. Then she asked in the same quiet tone, "How did that make you feel?"

"Terrible." His answer came prompt and from the heart. "I was terrified that perhaps it meant that you didn´t want this after all. That perhaps…" he hesitated, smiling a little self-consciously. "Perhaps you didn´t want me..?"

Sam put the mug down and reached out to take his hand into hers. However, she didn´t speak and her gaze dropped to the ground. Jack felt an all too-known dread rise within him.

"Sam?" he asked uncertainly.

Her answer came so softly, he nearly missed it. "I do want you, Jack." But when she looked up, he saw a hint of tears in her eyes. "It´s all just--"

"So complicated?"

She smiled faintly. "I was going to say a mess, but complicated works, too."

Jack shifted slightly to better see her face. "It´s nothing we can´t work out, Sam." He said with a touch of urgency in his voice. "We´ll be discreet; it´s nothing we haven´t done before. I know it´s not ideal, but Sam…" He could tell she was listening intently to his every word and the urgency he felt grew stronger as he searched for just the right thing to say. However, he came up empty, so instead he just spoke the plain, simple truth, "I need you, Samantha. I need you in my life. I don´t know what else I can say."

It felt like forever before she answered and Jack felt a lump form in his throat, but then a tender smile appeared on her face and she squeezed his hand tightly. "It´s okay, Jack. You don´t have to say anything. I´ve already made up my mind that I want to do this. I decided that last night. If I hadn´t, I wouldn´t have come to you." She sighed softly, squeezing his hand again. "Everything´s okay. I´m just feeling a little overwhelmed."

"Want to do this?" Jack repeated earnestly as he searched her face, wanting to make absolutely sure that he understood her right.

She nodded, looking at him almost shyly. "I need you in my life, too. Just having you as my boss and friend isn´t enough any more." Her smile grew a little stronger. "It never really was."

Jack couldn´t resist. He leaned forward and kissed her. She hesitated for just a beat, then kissed him back.

It was their first public kiss in a place where either might be recognized.

Neither gave a damn.

It was also the first kiss they ever shared with people around to notice.

It wouldn´t be the last.

The End


End file.
